I too have incurable disease and have been on 3wkly chemo infusions since June 2012 with no break. I have had many different drugs. Some side effects get better, some worse, and it varies for each person. Guess it's personal as to whether you want quantity rather than quality of life so only hubby can decide. My philosophy is that while I am alive and able to function, a new treatment may come on the market to save my life so I won't give up til I have to.  Don't want to leave my lovely family either and am a generally "take it as it comes" type of person.  Your hubbie needs a lot more time to get used to things and ensure he asks that he gets lots of help with side effects and dose adjustments.  Good luck x

I too have incurable disease and have been on 3wkly chemo infusions since June 2012 with no break. I have had many different drugs. Some side effects get better, some worse, and it varies for each person. Guess it's personal as to whether you want quantity rather than quality of life so only hubby can decide. My philosophy is that while I am alive and able to function, a new treatment may come on the market to save my life so I won't give up til I have to.  Don't want to leave my lovely family either and am a generally "take it as it comes" type of person.  Your hubbie needs a lot more time to get used to things and ensure he asks that he gets lots of help with side effects and dose adjustments.  Good luck x

Thank you Max, at the moment John is doing next to nothing, if he's not sleeping he's feeling sick. He has no motivation to do anything personally I don't think he's accepted what is happening. Hope you continue to face your cancer head on. Best wishes, Carol x

Hi Carol, I am so sorry to hear that and understand what a difficult situation it is for you too.  Do you gee him up or sympathise - I wouldnt have a clue your way around.  All I would say is that I havent met a chemo team yet who is not completely committed to prescribing meds to help side effects but he must contact them straight away to get them and let the nurses know what is happening as he may need dosage changes for the next cycle so they have to keep the oncologist informed.  Tiredness is a SE which is hard to escape but I do find that a short slow walk outside in the fresh air or a change of scenery (coffee with friends) really does give you a little boost.  It is easy to slip into depression and the McMillan nurses are great for hubbie or yourself to talk to!  I try and feel that I am living WITH cancer and not DYING with cancer - it hasnt got me yet and I am 3yrs on from being told that I had a maximum of 6months.  I have taken any treatments thrown my way though - but I would stop if I felt unable to cope and at the present time I dont.  I really hope that your husband will perk up after the first week and start to feel better - he may be able to think a bit clearer about the situation then.  Take care of yourself though Carol and come and talk whenever you need to - and I am sure you will need to! Much love x

Hi Max, thanks for your response, glad you're still here after what must have been a terrifying prognosis. I have been sympathising but I'm beginning to think I should be trying to motivate him more. For example John hasn't been eating much, when I ask if he wants anything he says not but if I make something and offer it he eats and seems to enjoy it. So maybe its a matter of doing things differently, nothing to lose by trying. He has the number of a councillor but hasn't rung it yet. I'm tempted to ring them myself and ask them to ring him instead. Thanks again Max, very best wishes love, Carol x

I think you are right about food Carol.  Its a strange thing when you are on chemo because you really dont fancy anything in particular - in fact the thought of food makes you feel pretty sick and I guess you also feel pretty bad to be putting your partner to any trouble so you tend to 'opt out'.  If hubbie eats more-or-less whatever is cooked then personally I would just continue that way, without asking or overdoing the helpings, because it really does make you feel sick to see loads on the plate!  Its also handy to have some nibbles around - crisps, twiglets, chocolate, olives, cheese squares/plum tomatoes - I also enjoy bananas and find them easy to digest particularly for breakfast. At the moment I have started to cook flapjacks, sausage rolls and cheese straws because they encourage me to eat at lunchtime etc.  I am now stabilising after losing well over a stone but my husband is growing by the day haha!

It may be helpful to ask the counsellor or a McMillan nurse to call your husband to see how he is doing - not sure from what you say that he will be truthful but it cant do any harm.  It may also be helpful for you to have someone to share concerns with - McMillan are great because they can also advise you about the medical issues and normally have access to a patients notes.  As Dave says, a diagnosis takes a while to come to terms with - Im not sure that you ever truly believe it but you have to get to a point where you are continuing with living and not waiting to die - not easy! 

If you have some close friends or family - can I suggest you get them to ask you and hubbie round for lunch or supper - or to pop in to see you.  It really does help to talk about everyday things and have some 'normal' time.  Just getting out for a walk or for a pub sandwich helps.  Even a trip to the supermarket lol!

Take care and good luck x

Hi, Max, have just found this thread and just have to butt in and say how much I admire you for going through 3-weekly chemo since 2012!   I have been feeling sorry for myself because I've just had my 2nd chemo of 6 for recurrent ovarian - original was in 2012 with full hysterectomy plus omentum etc, then 6 chemos, this time another op for removal of  new tumour plus bowel resection as tumour attached to outside of bowel.  However, I did have nearly 3 years respite, can't imagine how I'd have coped with non- stop chemo for 3 years!  Like you I feel that as long as I can function, I will keep going, but I will give my wrist a good slap now after reading about you!  Brave, brave girl - though I guess you won't say that, I think we all feel it's just something we HAVE to go through, bravery doesn't come into it.  Nevertheless I still think you have a marvellous attitude, and are a great inspiration to everyone on this thread.

Love, Hazel x