Hi carol , I had 6 intensive rounds of chemo . The after effects can be awful . But remember the sickness can be dealt with , the aches and pains can be helped , and for the rest ur hubby just needs to listen to his body and do what feels comfy . Talk to the nurses , they will do everything they can to help . I can't say if it will get better for him as we all react so differently . But don't give up , I'm sure managing the symptoms can be helped xxx 

I too have incurable disease and have been on 3wkly chemo infusions since June 2012 with no break. I have had many different drugs. Some side effects get better, some worse, and it varies for each person. Guess it's personal as to whether you want quantity rather than quality of life so only hubby can decide. My philosophy is that while I am alive and able to function, a new treatment may come on the market to save my life so I won't give up til I have to.  Don't want to leave my lovely family either and am a generally "take it as it comes" type of person.  Your hubbie needs a lot more time to get used to things and ensure he asks that he gets lots of help with side effects and dose adjustments.  Good luck x

Thank you Max, at the moment John is doing next to nothing, if he's not sleeping he's feeling sick. He has no motivation to do anything personally I don't think he's accepted what is happening. Hope you continue to face your cancer head on. Best wishes, Carol x

Thank you Lulu. We have a medical review on the 16th so hopefully he will get some help and begin to feel better about things. Hope you're well now xxx

Hi Carol, I am so sorry to hear that and understand what a difficult situation it is for you too.  Do you gee him up or sympathise - I wouldnt have a clue your way around.  All I would say is that I havent met a chemo team yet who is not completely committed to prescribing meds to help side effects but he must contact them straight away to get them and let the nurses know what is happening as he may need dosage changes for the next cycle so they have to keep the oncologist informed.  Tiredness is a SE which is hard to escape but I do find that a short slow walk outside in the fresh air or a change of scenery (coffee with friends) really does give you a little boost.  It is easy to slip into depression and the McMillan nurses are great for hubbie or yourself to talk to!  I try and feel that I am living WITH cancer and not DYING with cancer - it hasnt got me yet and I am 3yrs on from being told that I had a maximum of 6months.  I have taken any treatments thrown my way though - but I would stop if I felt unable to cope and at the present time I dont.  I really hope that your husband will perk up after the first week and start to feel better - he may be able to think a bit clearer about the situation then.  Take care of yourself though Carol and come and talk whenever you need to - and I am sure you will need to! Much love x

Hi Max, thanks for your response, glad you're still here after what must have been a terrifying prognosis. I have been sympathising but I'm beginning to think I should be trying to motivate him more. For example John hasn't been eating much, when I ask if he wants anything he says not but if I make something and offer it he eats and seems to enjoy it. So maybe its a matter of doing things differently, nothing to lose by trying. He has the number of a councillor but hasn't rung it yet. I'm tempted to ring them myself and ask them to ring him instead. Thanks again Max, very best wishes love, Carol x

Carol,

I can only echo what Max has said. When I first went on chemo, I suffered the side effects in silence but I was advised by people on here that the oncologist could adjust things and offer drugs to counter the side effects. All chemo drugs have different side effects and our bodies all act slightly differently to them. 

My first infusion of one particular drug was painful, which I thought was normal. After discussion with the oncologist, the second infusion was literally watered down and fed into my arm more slowly. The difference was amazing. I also ended up doubling the original prescription of anti-emetics to combat the nausea of the chemo tablets I was on.

The hardest thing to cope with can be the psychological side of things. I was lucky in that my emotions shut down for the first few months and I was very matter of fact about the potentially terrifying situation. We all cope differently and it can take a while to come to terms with our new reality.

Best wishes
Dave

I think you are right about food Carol.  Its a strange thing when you are on chemo because you really dont fancy anything in particular - in fact the thought of food makes you feel pretty sick and I guess you also feel pretty bad to be putting your partner to any trouble so you tend to 'opt out'.  If hubbie eats more-or-less whatever is cooked then personally I would just continue that way, without asking or overdoing the helpings, because it really does make you feel sick to see loads on the plate!  Its also handy to have some nibbles around - crisps, twiglets, chocolate, olives, cheese squares/plum tomatoes - I also enjoy bananas and find them easy to digest particularly for breakfast. At the moment I have started to cook flapjacks, sausage rolls and cheese straws because they encourage me to eat at lunchtime etc.  I am now stabilising after losing well over a stone but my husband is growing by the day haha!

It may be helpful to ask the counsellor or a McMillan nurse to call your husband to see how he is doing - not sure from what you say that he will be truthful but it cant do any harm.  It may also be helpful for you to have someone to share concerns with - McMillan are great because they can also advise you about the medical issues and normally have access to a patients notes.  As Dave says, a diagnosis takes a while to come to terms with - Im not sure that you ever truly believe it but you have to get to a point where you are continuing with living and not waiting to die - not easy! 

If you have some close friends or family - can I suggest you get them to ask you and hubbie round for lunch or supper - or to pop in to see you.  It really does help to talk about everyday things and have some 'normal' time.  Just getting out for a walk or for a pub sandwich helps.  Even a trip to the supermarket lol!

Take care and good luck x

I have just completed 8 sessions of chemo for bowel cancer and secondaries to my liver. The first two sessions of chemo were the worst. However my oncologist prescribed medicines for my sore mouth, watery stingy eyes, I was given tablets to stop sickness and diarrhoea. For me the tiredness has got worse but other side effects better after each session. It's important to eat and drink and rest for a few days after the chemo. Don't push yourself and keep positive. Before my chemo my prognosis was poor two years to live and not operable. Now I am waiting to find out if I can have surgery as my liver has cleared a lot and tumour markers      Have reduced from almost 400 to 30

So persevere, keep positive and I wish your husband all the luck in the world

Hi Den - its so good to hear that you are doing well.  I have BC which spreads in a very different way to bowel cancer - but I have had a liver resection and ablations so would be happy to share any information if you decide on surgery.  Best of luck to you and keep in touch x