Hi there and welcome to the forum, but sorry for why you find yourself here. You certainly have had a rough go of it for quite awhile now, so not much wonder you're feeling wiped. You're in good company here as all of us are either being treated ourselves for cancer, or looking after a loved one with it. I have cancer - lung and bladder, and previously colon cancer, but I'm still kicking. Given a choice, none of us would be here if we weren't dealing with cancer, but we're really glad this forum is here because it does help to talk with others in the same or similar boat. I was particularly drawn to your post when I read that you have lost a daughter to suicide. I too have lost an adult child to suicide. My son died by suicide in 2003 and the pain of that loss is still really raw. Losing a child to suicide is one of the worst losses a parent can have, but when you factor in a suicide, its' magnified many times over. I still tear up just talking about him and I don't think that will ever stop. Believe me, I can relate to your pain from that loss.

Please come back on here to communicate with others who are also dealing with cancer. You will find it really helpful to just write down your fears and frustrations and get them out there. Let us know how you  are doing.

Take care.

Lorraine

Dear Lorraine, thanks for writing. I am really sorry about the loss of your son. you're right, losing a child to suicide is one of the worst losses of all. (I blog on bereavement - I lost my son 33 years ago as well! - www.avalleyjournal.co.uk) 

Well Monday came and it's here. The tumour in my kidney is presumably cancer, and not a benign growth, and I was told because of its position, they can't just cut it out, nor can they biopsy it (risk of spreading) so they will most likely want to remove the kidney. I have studied and studied the CAT result that the GP had printed out for me, and from that, and what they said, at least it doesn't appear to have spread to other organs. 

Still I'm in shock. Don't quite know what to do with myself. Will hear more at the end of this week when they have their MDT, and then meet the urologist who specialises in kidneys. 

My bladder scan was clear today, that's good! 

Think I might try to go back to GP for some sleeping pills. I don't want to lie there tossing and turning. There is such an unreal quality to this at the moment. 

Hi Lorraine.  I have just found this forum and having read your "story" can relate to the kidney cancer element of it.  I have been through a very similar experience earlier this year when a growth was found on my kidney.  They could not do a biopsy for the reasons you mentioned and when I met the Urologist, armed with a number of questions, he told me "it has to come out".  After discussion and viewing the growth on screen he arranged for my admission to have the kidney removed.  I had to agree to the removal of the kidney knowing that there was a possibility it was benign, however the pathology showed that it was indeed cancerous. Fortunately it had not spread to any other body parts so I did not require radiotherapy or  chemotherapy.  Like you, I felt traumatised by the entire experience but now feel very lucky that it was found and it was possible for it to be surgically removed and I can live with one kidney.  It took me some time to recover from the surgery but I am six months further down the line and due to see Urologist this week for a follow up. I have had another CT scan and keeping fingers crossed for a positive outcome.

You have had so much more than I had to cope with and I wish you well with your Consultation and treatment.       If you have any questions to you would like to ask me please don't hesitate to contact me and I wish  had known about this site when I was going through this situation. 

Thanks Tina. I am glad that so far you've had a positive outcome. I hold onto these stories 

What's the nephrectomy (kidney removal) like? Painful? 

You mentioned being six months down the line.. Is the recovery that rough? I guess we are all different. I'm still in the post-knee-replacement recovery period and I don't know how my body will react to another operation so soon. But I'm hopeful ...  I've got some teaching / seminar leading projects in May next year and I was figuring I should be over it by then. I pray so! 

(PS. I'm not Lorraine. I'm Ducks for now. ) 

Hi Ducks, Like many others on this forum, I have only just found it too, and could have done with it earlier!  :-)  It's so good to be able to share experiences and support one another.  They found my kidney tumour in Dec 2013, but it was small, 3.1cm, found incidentally on an ultrasound scan as I had had several bouts of cystitis (not related they said). I 'got away' with a partial nephrectomy through open abdominal surgery.  I took quite a while to recover from it, but so far my post-op scans have come back clear, due for another one next month.  Hopefully, as the kidney is surrounded by its own 'sack' of fat, your tumour (or mass as they like to call it) is less likely to have spread. I didn't need any further treatment.  You may even get away with a partial nephrectomy like me?  I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and hope the operation and your recovery go well.  Like you, I eat well, don't smoke, but do consume 1 bottle of red wine a week, exercise (yoga, pilates and daily walks) and am a healthy weight. So it was a real shock to be diagnosed with yet another primary cancer in May this year, acral lentiginous melanoma (on the ball of my left foot) this time.  One biopsy and 3 operations later  - 2 with skin grafts -  the last one was on 22 Sept - the histology report finally came back clear, no residual melanoma in the margins!  So I am learning to walk again after 5 months on the sofa.  I think all of us here seem to be on perilous journeys and don't seem to have much choice other than ride the storm...  So good luck Ducks, I am rooting for you, hope you can have your op over and done with soon.  I was out of hospital on day six, my husband looked after me and district nurses came to dress the wound.  I had my first tiny 15 min walk round the block holding on to hubby 16 days after op, legs a bit wobbly and slightly light-headed... I am just very thankful for the wonderful medical services we have here in the UK.  All the best, Maja

Hi Ducks, Like many others on this forum, I have only just found it too, and could have done with it earlier!  :-)  It's so good to be able to share experiences and support one another.  They found my kidney tumour in Dec 2013, but it was small, 3.1cm, found incidentally on an ultrasound scan as I had had several bouts of cystitis (not related they said). I 'got away' with a partial nephrectomy through open abdominal surgery.  I took quite a while to recover from it, but so far my post-op scans have come back clear, due for another one next month.  Hopefully, as the kidney is surrounded by its own 'sack' of fat, your tumour (or mass as they like to call it) is less likely to have spread. I didn't need any further treatment.  You may even get away with a partial nephrectomy like me?  I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and hope the operation and your recovery go well.  Like you, I eat well, don't smoke, but do consume 1 bottle of red wine a week, exercise (yoga, pilates and daily walks) and am a healthy weight. So it was a real shock to be diagnosed with yet another primary cancer in May this year, acral lentiginous melanoma (on the ball of my left foot) this time.  One biopsy and 3 operations later  - 2 with skin grafts -  the last one was on 22 Sept - the histology report finally came back clear, no residual melanoma in the margins!  So I am learning to walk again after 5 months on the sofa.  I think all of us here seem to be on perilous journeys and don't seem to have much choice other than ride the storm...  So good luck Ducks, I am rooting for you, hope you can have your op over and done with soon.  I was out of hospital on day six, my husband looked after me and district nurses came to dress the wound.  I had my first tiny 15 min walk round the block holding on to hubby 16 days after op, legs a bit wobbly and slightly light-headed... I am just very thankful for the wonderful medical services we have here in the UK.  All the best, Maja