Hi Max, I'm sure this waiting around is agony for you, and many of us have had to wait for answers during the course of dealing with this cancer journey. I know the medical people understand how hard it is to be waiting and wondering what the next step will be, and I'm sure if there was some way for them to speed it up, they would. Knowing that is cold comfort for sure. Be kind to yourself as you wait and just know that all your virtual buddies out  here are holding your hand and waiting with you. I hope that gives you some warm comfort.

You ask how I am doing Max, and I appreciate you thinking about me. I am recovering a little each day so that is progress I guess. I don't really know where I'm heading with all these cancer diagnoses. Sometimes it feels like I'm never really going to be free of cancer which can be depressing, but it is what it is and only those of us who are living with cancer really know what that's like. Living well with cancer I can handle, but I've never had any patience with not being well. I'm a very independent person, always have been, and I've always been the one who took care of everyone else. Letting someone else do the caregiving is likely my biggest challenge. If this gets any worse, I've got some heavy duty adjusting to do. In any case, right now my pain is not near what it was as long as I don't do anything stupid, like vacuum, or some other such chore that requires me to overuse my right arm. I need to acquire patience too!

I'm just rying to visualize if all of us on this forum were able to be in a large auditorium and holding hands in a large circle, what a sight we would be! Can you imagine the energy we would give to one another in that large circle. With a good imagination, almost anything is possible. We can't do that physically, but we can do it virtually, so picture it Max, that is what all of us are doing with you right now.

Take care my friend and hold my hand.

Lorraine    

THAT IS ONE FANTASTIC POST THE TEARS ARE RUNNING ALL DOWN MY FACE I AM SO PLEASED TO HAVE THESE TALKS WITH YOU ALL ,MY LIFE IS COMMING TO A END I AM 82 IN JULY AND HAVE HAD A  FANTASTIC LIFE A GREAT MARRIAGE TO A FANTASTIC GIRL AND SOME GREAT KIDS BEV AND KARL,GRANDKIDS ,NICK,SAM,BETHERNEY ,AND GREAT GRAND,SON REECE .DID MY TIME IN THE ARMY WITH A GREAT TEAM OF LADS SOME I AM STILL IN TOUCH WITH,I DID JUST OVER 7 YEARS .HA WELL GOING FOR A WHISKEY .GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS

Dear Lorraine ....  honey, what a powerful message - like George, I have to say that is the first time I have been reduced to tears by a post here.  My positivity is slipping away if I am honest and goodness I could do with a hand-hold with all those people who would understand the feeling of hopelessness. I am tired of fighting the unknown - the disease, funding agencies, health teams and tired of putting on a brave face to friends and acquantances who havent a clue (thank goodness for them) of the stress involved with just trying to get through each day.  Today is the first time I have thought 'I dont deserve this' - all I have ever tried to do is be kind and loving to others and I really DONT deserve this!

Thank you Lorraine for being there - and all my friends here - I know you truly understand and it is so sad that any of us are in this situation.  I am holding hands with you all x

Dear Max

The tears will flow (they are now too),

Our hands are joined in our respect for you.

Take our virtual love and always know

Your forum buddies are here for you.

'Enough said, Jules xx

I'm really sorry I made you cry. Sometimes tears can be healing in a way that alleviates some of the tension that tends to build when we try to hold it all in. It sounds like you have a great family there and you do appreciate them in your life. I know that trying to be brave and not show what we're really feeling can be a heavy burden to carry. I saw my Dad do it when he was dying and my brother as well. Perhaps its' human nature to not want to burden our loved ones and that is noble, but not always easy. There isn't any easy way to get through something like this, although I'm sure it helps to share the emotions, good, bad, or otherwise. Treasure every moment you have with your loved ones as I'm sure they want to do with you. For yourself, join hands with all of us here on the forum as we support each other. More hands make a lighter load.

P.S. Hope that drink of whiskey did the trick. Just don't overdo it. Here's a hug to go with it.

Lorraine

Dearest Max, guess I made everyone cry. (I thought it was just me bawling as I wrote that post.) I think all of us keep these feelings bottled up inside until we're ready to burst. The uncertainty that we face with this disease can get overwhelming and all of the feelings we hold in get to be quite a burden. No one can possibly know what it feels like to be looking our own death in the face unless they've been there. I know people mean well when they say "you have to think positive". For other situations I've had to face in my life I have been able to do that, but not this, not when I know I'm likely fighting a losing battle. I know we have to treasure every day, every hour, every moment because really, life is precious. We also know that everyone will die one day; no one lives forever, but I really didn't need an advance invitation.

We will get through this Max, one way or another and we will hold hands with each other as we take that journey. You/we are not doing this alone. We all share a common bond here, remember that.

Take care lovely lady and hold us in your heart as we hold you close.

Lorraine  

I just want to sent lots of love and hugs to you all and to join in holding hands in this ring of love and strength x you are all such couragous people xxxxxxtonic