Hi everyone,

I want to talk about a taboo subject for men. I recently attended a workshop for Macmillan Cancer and I was the only man there apart from three guys from Macmillan. Most of the talk centred around women's problems like hair loss and wigs until the guy in charge of our table said that men also have problems particularly with sex and cancer and these had not been mentioned. He then looked at me, so I spoke up and when I had finished, I was thanked for talking about it as openly as I had.

When men have hormone therapy for prostate cancer, I think 97% of men have problems with loss of libido and erectile dysfunction to differing degrees. We men  don't like talking about it even to our wives/partners as we see it as affecting our masculinity. Since having had prostate cancer, I have read many books and articles about prostate cancer and have read that because of a mans inability to get an erection, it has caused many relationships to break up. The way it was written, the women seemed to be blamed for this which I felt was unfair.

I think the problem occurs mainly because we men don't talk openly and honestly about it. If a man has been sexually active and then suddenly he has no interest, I think his partner may well believe he has found someone else and that's why the relationship is put under pressure. At my age it has not been a problem and I have often joked about it with my wife as my way of dealing with it. I look at it this way, I truly believe that hormone therapy has saved my life so it a small price to pay for the result I have had with my cancer. But for someone younger than me I can understand it must be a big problem.  There are aids/medication to help men with erectile dysfunction but I was never asked outright if I had this problem while undergoing treatment so kept quiet. I believe most men unless they are asked, would react much like me and keep quiet about it. Everyone on my table at the meeting was surprised I had not been asked about this while having treatment. Because diabetes also cause's the same problems, under new rules, my diabetic nurse now has to ask me if I have problems in this area so I think the same should apply when asking patients undergoing hormone therapy.

I hope I have not embarrassed anyone by writing about this, if so I apologise for it's not what I intended, but I would ask men to talk more about any side effects of treatment even if it is embarrassing for them. It is also why more men are needed on cancer committees to put men's viewpoints across.

Best wishes to you all, Brian.