Hello Brian,

I dont think you post will embarrass anyone.  I must sat that it disappoints but does not surprise me that you were never asked whether the side effects of your treatment were affecting your life - in this case your sex life.  A recent post on this site that really struck me was Patsy55's post, a lady who had recent facial surgery for cancer of the nose.  I asked her if she was offered any support in coming to terms with her surgery, as it was not surgery that could easily be covered up and she said that she hadn't (she is happy dealing with things herself with the help of her family, but it seems that it was just assumed she would be).

I am beginning to suspect that this lack of emotional support boils down to lack of money - it seems that the doctors do the 'physical work' to treat the cancer, but so much more needs to be done regarding the emotions people are going through - I am not suggesting this is the doctors fault, they probably have lots of people to treat, and limited time to do this.  I suppose this is where macmillan nursing etc comes into it, but from my own family experience as well as from what I have read here, there is so much more that could be offered to people in terms of the quality of life they have during / after treatment - they might not choose to accept it, but they should at the very least be offered some support I think.

In danger of going on a rant here, but with my Dad, one of the most difficult times we had was when the treatment had finished - all was supposed to go back to normal, but it felt far far from it, and not one bit of support seemed to be offered, we were just left to muddle through ourselves.  I could see my Dad was very anxious, as was I.

Well done for being the only man at the Macmillan group though,  without you there would have been none at all.

I will also share something that made me laugh in my Dads last few weeks at our local hospice (as you know his cancer did come back) - he joked to his wife (my Dad always had a joke about things) that 'its been a while dear' when there was something about sex on the radio or telly - don't remember exactly how it happened now.  As so many Men do, he used humour to soften what must have been a very difficult issue between them.    Kathryn

Hello Brian,

I dont think you post will embarrass anyone.  I must sat that it disappoints but does not surprise me that you were never asked whether the side effects of your treatment were affecting your life - in this case your sex life.  A recent post on this site that really struck me was Patsy55's post, a lady who had recent facial surgery for cancer of the nose.  I asked her if she was offered any support in coming to terms with her surgery, as it was not surgery that could easily be covered up and she said that she hadn't (she is happy dealing with things herself with the help of her family, but it seems that it was just assumed she would be).

I am beginning to suspect that this lack of emotional support boils down to lack of money - it seems that the doctors do the 'physical work' to treat the cancer, but so much more needs to be done regarding the emotions people are going through - I am not suggesting this is the doctors fault, they probably have lots of people to treat, and limited time to do this.  I suppose this is where macmillan nursing etc comes into it, but from my own family experience as well as from what I have read here, there is so much more that could be offered to people in terms of the quality of life they have during / after treatment - they might not choose to accept it, but they should at the very least be offered some support I think.

In danger of going on a rant here, but with my Dad, one of the most difficult times we had was when the treatment had finished - all was supposed to go back to normal, but it felt far far from it, and not one bit of support seemed to be offered, we were just left to muddle through ourselves.  I could see my Dad was very anxious, as was I.

Well done for being the only man at the Macmillan group though,  without you there would have been none at all.

I will also share something that made me laugh in my Dads last few weeks at our local hospice (as you know his cancer did come back) - he joked to his wife (my Dad always had a joke about things) that 'its been a while dear' when there was something about sex on the radio or telly - don't remember exactly how it happened now.  As so many Men do, he used humour to soften what must have been a very difficult issue between them.    Kathryn

Brian,

Thanks again for raising an interesting subject. Setting aside any physical symptoms, or whether someone is male or female, being handed what often seems like a death sentence is likely to have an impact on how we feel psychologically with a fall in libido almost inevitable as we adjust to our new reality. In an ideal World we would be receiving holistic health care, including cognitive based therapy to help us come to terms with our situation - but that rarely happens. At best people are offered counselling, at worst they are left to cope on their own.

Sadly, due to the way the NHS was reorganised under this and the previous government, physical and mental health services within the NHS are almost without exception working in virtual isolation to each other. There have been pilots which show how useful psychological therapies can be, but they never seem to get embedded into the mainstream, possibly because Trusts are paid on the volumes of patients with specific conditions who have been treated on a cost model which doesn't include psychological therapy.

Another factor is the fact that Mental Health services are a cinderella service - always the first to have its funding cut - with massive waiting times for psychology service due to under-funding and increasing demand. Services also tend to be prioritised by suicide risk, so if you appear to be coping you are a low priority.

For what it's worth, the nearest I've ever been asked about my libido, or anything else remotely psychological is "how are you coping?". Luckily I am in a very supportive relationship with friends and family helping me along - I dread to think how anyone without such support would get along.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Brian. Thank you for asking - yep I'm stable at the moment, so all ok. Alfie is doing fine - it is my hubby and I that are worn out, it's like having another baby in the house!  I was hoping you would get more feedback on this thread Brian but maybe it just goes to show how difficult people find this subject. Hope you and Mrs B are keeping well. Take care lovely man x

Hi Max,

So pleased to hear you are stable. I can understand what you say about Alfie being tiring but animals do give us a lot of love, fun and laughter, so it makes it all worthwhile. As regards about the feedback, I had more responses than I was expecting but there have also been a lot of people reading this thread. My main ain was to get this delicate subject out into the open which I think has been achieved.

I would like to thank you, Dave, Sue and Kathryn for your contributions to this thread.

Wishing you and your family all the very best, Brian.