Oh bless you, your so right sometimes its the simplest of things that can help us through these dark moments, just like a hug or a kind word or even just an understanding ear, but our partners cant and wont ever understand the complexity of this dreadful illness and each one will deal with it in his or her own way, just like we are dealing with it in our own way, I guess as long as he isn't treating you badly and he remains by your side then when you come through the other side, as indeed you will.... you both can move on and start to enjoy each other and who knows! it may just be a new beginning that you both need.

I'm so glad you are starting to feel better, that dark place is a horrid place to be, and one which I'm sure most if not all of us have been to at one time or another, but thankyou god for giving you the strength to come out the other side, stay strong honey and when you cant carry the burden any longer, just come on here and rest while we carry it for you xxxx

Hi everyone

just wanted to say that when i have been low, i have come here - infact my messages portray that fact! I come here because it is the only place i can be really understood. We look normal and so some people think we should be functioning normally and expect that, and others do not know how to handle us being 'low' physically or emotionally. I understand that their feelings are not my problem in the sense that i can not control how they feel or think, in the same way they can't change mind either! However, i can say that if an issue bothers you - no matter how silly it seems to anyone else - then it is an issue. Everything we think and feel is magnifyied thanks to bing lumped with something that makes you question so much in life.

i have been guilty of taking so many things that have been said to me out of content, and been quite verbal in my replies. My partner asked me what happened to the woman he met and fell in love with - and i wanted to reply - she died. infact, now i am really picking up emotionally and realise, she did not die, she just had a heap load of *** that made her question, made her learn and knocked her for six. As for the intimate side of things, if you are not up to it - do as Tony advises and speak honestly to each other - and remember for some people it does not mean the end of a sex life or any form of intimacy. And for those of you who do feel up to it, with a little self confidence and acceptance that you are a bit different mentally and physically - it does come back and it can be better than ever because somehow it means more than it did before.

We have to remember that our partners are trying to be themselves and do the things they would normally do whilst feeling helpless in our journey. in a way they deal with it twice - our emotions and then their own. I remember clearly looking after my sister through her journey seven years ago and all i could think when i had to tell her about my news was how awful she would feel having been there and knowing i was going to go through the same ***. But we can't be responsible for their thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes, taking time out to talk - in depth- to someone who is going through the same, has gone through the same, or is just a really good listener and not an immediate family member or friend can make a world of difference. There are numerous counseeling services, and i was advised by Macmillian to look up the Overcoming series of books on amazon to help with depression and other issues.

Surround yoruself with positive people, try and do positive things and dont give yourself a hard time coming to terms with devastating diagnosis, treatment and emotions. The amazing thing about human beings is their ability to FEEL. And it is only through your awful journeys that you have had the expereince to help others - LIKE ME!!!!!! and i am pretty darn sure, that I have only com this far and turned into a more positive person because i can come here and complain and be understood without being judged. It lightens the load no end! The other fantastic thing is the friends we make here, i never cease to be amazed by the wonderful words and encouragement that come straight from the heart.

i am so sorry so many of you are feeling pain and i send you hugs. I finish my radiation on Wednessay and have decided a bottle of wine is in order. i will not be just drinking to the end of the treatment phase but will raise my glass to wish all of you who are feeling pain, unwell or just damed fed up and wish you well. 

love sara

Sara,

All entries on here are so special but once in a while one is logged which makes me say wow as it hits the spot across such a wide audience - wow.

You finish your radiation on Weds and I have my MRI on the same day so even though my morphine doesn't mix too well with alcohol I guess just one wont hurt

Lets all raise a glass to absent friends, ones that have escaped and some that are struggling a bit.

Much Love

Tony xxxx

Ditto that

So well said Sara. I still can't word things well but you do so beautifully! Bless you n congratulating on coming to the end of your treatment. It is my youngest birthday on Wednesday n I will be raising a glass to you all n the fact we are here. Thank you to cancer research, treatment n our friends n family. Good luck to you Tony. Lots of love leonie xxxxx

Hi, i,ve never been on a chat site before, i,ve recently been diagnosed with breast cancer at 42, came out of the blue and i feel in turmoil, don,t know any details yet other than it,s small, in a lobe and i,m having a lumpectomy tomorrow.....i,m terrified, more waiting for results, i know you will all understand, i,ve got a wonderful husband and familiy but feel sooo alone!!  HELP!!

Hi there

Sorry to read your message. Brings back memories! N yeah we all understand how you are feeling. The beginning is the scariest time cos you don't understand n know what's going to happen. The waiting is the worst part. Those feelings are hard to deal with n we can only try to help. Hopefully we can n stop you from feeling so alone. Good luck with your op tomorrow. I shall be thinking of you.

Love leonie xx

Hi

I know exactly how you feel and so will everyone else on this site.  I came on here nearly a year ago just like you and was frightened and felt helpless, but I got good advice and encouragement and I got through. It is the waiting for results that it the worse but one step at a time and you get through.  Like so many of us, I have gone through the op, the chemo and the radio and although I am still on herceptin I do feel I have got most of my previous life back, I even demolished an overgrown shrub in the garden yesterday and am back to my exercise classes so things do get better.

Good luck for today, and don't overdo it after the op, it is all a shock to your system, mentally and physically. Remember Hubby is probably just as terrified as you, so support each other.

Anne

x

and Hello to everyone else, I have not been on for a while although I have been reading your posts and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.  I am going on a walking holiday this weekend!  The jurassic Coast in Dorset, not sure if I will make the whole journey, but I am still on the 'big one' so I think this should be a walk in the park!!!

You will find the most amazing people on this site who won't just support you at the beginning but all through your treatment and beyond. My husband and I were both given the news we had cancer last year (Rectal and Breast cancer respectifly). We both went through operations, chemo, radiotherapy etc., and we have come out the other side we believe stronger and better people - not so insular and more caring of others. I cannot begin to tell you how much we relied on others on this site (I don't believe they realise as I didn't post all that much just read and re-read their posts). We are soooo much better now although my husband is not completely well yet and I still get the odd tearful day - but nothing like last year. You will get there in time but patience is definately a viture you will need over the coming months.

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone on this site daily (especially you Tony Song)

xxxx