Hi. It looks like this discussion thread has been going a long time and i hope i will be able to join the community here. I was diagnosed with breast cancer just after xmas and have had a mastectomy last week. I have a secondary tumor in my hip and possibly in my head so will have to face chemo and radiotherapy although I dont know the details as yet. I would love to make friends on here who i can both support and find support from on this journey. I have 2 grown up children and they have surprised me recently as to how supportive they can be. It certainly is a case of role reversal in my house. Chassis x x

Hi Chassis

Welcome to the place no-one wants to be.Hope you are coping with the mastectomy and glad to see you have support at home.I had mastectomy 4 years ago and have recurrance in the lymph glands in my neck and chest .I have been on chemo for 2 years to contain it and like you have 2 grown up children and 3 grandchildren ,so plenty of reasons to fight on.Hope you have a good medical team looking after you.What part of the world do you live in?We are a well scattered lot on here.

Stay strong.

Rose xxx

Hi Leonie,

Meds have cut the sharp edges off of my pain although I still have my moments. The next step is an MRI to try and get to the bottom of where the pain is coming from. I have been stuck in my bed for the past 6 weeks and so unfortunately have not had a chance to get out on my bike :-(

Hopefully things will brighten up soon and I can take advantage of the sunny weather.

T xxxx

Hi Tony, thank you for replying, but I just want to make it clear that John has been my rock throughout this last year and I couldnt have got through it without him, we were only together a short time when i was diagnosed so i moved in with him on a temp basis so he could look after me, which he done amazingly, he loves me so much, but think because my mammogram is coming up, he's thinking "what if" and to be honest i think he's just thinking how hard it was and doesnt think he could do it again, he went from living on his own to me moving in, all my family visiting all the time and him working a streeful job, we are together and hope to be for a long time, more than anything it was the physical side of our relationship ive been worried about but just really wanted to know if other people were in the same boat. I could never fault John at all, he's being honest by telling me he doesnt know if he could cop with me being ill again, it upset me at the time, but we are working through it and pray to God my cancer has gone for good. Thank you to everybody for replying, I just dont want you guys thinking he's a bad person cause he's not, he's amazing xxx

Just hoping it all works out for you both Today Im in  a bad place, not liking it one little bit xxxx

Hi Colly,

He does sound amazing and quite often we expect so much from the partners when they must go through hell. Also the honest approach is the best way...As for the physical side - I was worried about that as I am just not interested and spoke with Fran openly...she understands fully which is a great relief.

Reading through again and also your reply it does sound like you have an amazing partner....rather than bottling things up until they burst he is being honest and supportive...i'll bet like you said at first you were upset but once it sunk in it shows that this is the best way i.e. to share you thoughts and feelings totally.

Yes Colly, he does sound amazing and you are pretty amazing too...good luck with the scan.

Much Love

T xxxx

My dearest Colly

do any of us feel we can go through another year like we just have, the difference between us and our partners is that should the worst happen...we have to go through it cos giving up is not an option, I am almost positive that by saying what he did he was meaning he couldn't bear to see you go through such pain again because of how much he loves you, he sounds like a real rock in your life and for our partners it is so frustrating for them because their job is to take care of us and protect us from harm and then this blinkin awful illness comes along and they just cant stop it, they cant take away our pain or make us better.

Colly its going to be ok we are still emotionally scarred and our wounds are still fresh, give yourself a break you are such a wonderful and beautiful lady, no man in his right mind would walk away.

Spirits hun what is troubling you at the moment, your message was so vague yet you sound so low, please let us help

All my love to everyone here

Lee xxxxxxx

Och Lee Im just feeling sorry for me I guess. Wednesday I wanted to just end it all but my middle son called my eldest who in turn brought in the Dr....Suffice to say I wouldnt go into hospital as she wanted me to.

I have a disabled son and didnt want to leave him!!! Still Sunday now and Ive had food and drink the past two days so feeling better and further away from the dark place....

As for Hubby I think if he dosnt talk about it it will go away...I could have swung for him on Wednesday when I was bad and he said I take it your not feeling great today??? DOH!!!!!! what gave him his first clue lol lol I know its hard on hubbies n families, but sometimes just a hug to get us thro Eh???

Oh bless you, your so right sometimes its the simplest of things that can help us through these dark moments, just like a hug or a kind word or even just an understanding ear, but our partners cant and wont ever understand the complexity of this dreadful illness and each one will deal with it in his or her own way, just like we are dealing with it in our own way, I guess as long as he isn't treating you badly and he remains by your side then when you come through the other side, as indeed you will.... you both can move on and start to enjoy each other and who knows! it may just be a new beginning that you both need.

I'm so glad you are starting to feel better, that dark place is a horrid place to be, and one which I'm sure most if not all of us have been to at one time or another, but thankyou god for giving you the strength to come out the other side, stay strong honey and when you cant carry the burden any longer, just come on here and rest while we carry it for you xxxx

Hi everyone

just wanted to say that when i have been low, i have come here - infact my messages portray that fact! I come here because it is the only place i can be really understood. We look normal and so some people think we should be functioning normally and expect that, and others do not know how to handle us being 'low' physically or emotionally. I understand that their feelings are not my problem in the sense that i can not control how they feel or think, in the same way they can't change mind either! However, i can say that if an issue bothers you - no matter how silly it seems to anyone else - then it is an issue. Everything we think and feel is magnifyied thanks to bing lumped with something that makes you question so much in life.

i have been guilty of taking so many things that have been said to me out of content, and been quite verbal in my replies. My partner asked me what happened to the woman he met and fell in love with - and i wanted to reply - she died. infact, now i am really picking up emotionally and realise, she did not die, she just had a heap load of *** that made her question, made her learn and knocked her for six. As for the intimate side of things, if you are not up to it - do as Tony advises and speak honestly to each other - and remember for some people it does not mean the end of a sex life or any form of intimacy. And for those of you who do feel up to it, with a little self confidence and acceptance that you are a bit different mentally and physically - it does come back and it can be better than ever because somehow it means more than it did before.

We have to remember that our partners are trying to be themselves and do the things they would normally do whilst feeling helpless in our journey. in a way they deal with it twice - our emotions and then their own. I remember clearly looking after my sister through her journey seven years ago and all i could think when i had to tell her about my news was how awful she would feel having been there and knowing i was going to go through the same ***. But we can't be responsible for their thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes, taking time out to talk - in depth- to someone who is going through the same, has gone through the same, or is just a really good listener and not an immediate family member or friend can make a world of difference. There are numerous counseeling services, and i was advised by Macmillian to look up the Overcoming series of books on amazon to help with depression and other issues.

Surround yoruself with positive people, try and do positive things and dont give yourself a hard time coming to terms with devastating diagnosis, treatment and emotions. The amazing thing about human beings is their ability to FEEL. And it is only through your awful journeys that you have had the expereince to help others - LIKE ME!!!!!! and i am pretty darn sure, that I have only com this far and turned into a more positive person because i can come here and complain and be understood without being judged. It lightens the load no end! The other fantastic thing is the friends we make here, i never cease to be amazed by the wonderful words and encouragement that come straight from the heart.

i am so sorry so many of you are feeling pain and i send you hugs. I finish my radiation on Wednessay and have decided a bottle of wine is in order. i will not be just drinking to the end of the treatment phase but will raise my glass to wish all of you who are feeling pain, unwell or just damed fed up and wish you well. 

love sara

Sara,

All entries on here are so special but once in a while one is logged which makes me say wow as it hits the spot across such a wide audience - wow.

You finish your radiation on Weds and I have my MRI on the same day so even though my morphine doesn't mix too well with alcohol I guess just one wont hurt

Lets all raise a glass to absent friends, ones that have escaped and some that are struggling a bit.

Much Love

Tony xxxx

Ditto that

Ditto that

So well said Sara. I still can't word things well but you do so beautifully! Bless you n congratulating on coming to the end of your treatment. It is my youngest birthday on Wednesday n I will be raising a glass to you all n the fact we are here. Thank you to cancer research, treatment n our friends n family. Good luck to you Tony. Lots of love leonie xxxxx