Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi Colly

so sorry I havnt been intouch, went to my friends in kendal for 2 weeks and have just got a puppy! its like having a baby all over again dont seem to have anytime to myself, Im doing well in myself and can start to see signs of my hair coming thru hope you are well and love to everyone have to go... dog is whining again...he he talk soon xxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone.

Lee its lovely to here from you. What sort of puppy have you got and what have you called him/her. My hair has grown back only about a cm allover but I quite like it. You will be amazed how quickly it gets to that stage once its stated to pop throw. Hope your ok!

Hope you are all okandwonderedif you have all had snow!!!

Ithink it wouldbe lovely to try to have a get together next year is anyone upfor it?!

Lots of Love

Louise

Hi Louise, its a staffie and she is called Bella, she is so tiny and cute but very very demanding!! I keep checking my hair everyday its nice to see some fluff there, but cant wait to get some real stuff growing, how long is it since you finished your chemo, its been six weeks for me now, gosh how time flies, have had a little snow but am right by the sea so I think the salt keeps it at bay, hope everyone is well and looking forward to christmas, and I would defo be up for meeting everyone, hopefully sometime next year.

lots of love lee xxxxxxxx

Hello all my lovelies,

Even in the midst of dispair, there are so many wonderful words and so much love and warmth - as always - from all of you.   It took a little while for me to catch up on the posts I can tell you.  I am doing really well - thank you for thinking of me.  I just seem to have been really busy although I can't say what with. The grandchildren - housework - christmas and so on.

Anyway, firstly - the anger thing, I have felt very angry and found myself making the most awful comments about all sorts of things and even rowing with the telly. Mmmmm yes stupid. But then the other night I just lost it. I had a turban towel on my head (as usual) and my other halfs over sized dressing gown. As i walked back into the bedroom with two mugs of tea, he just happened to say 'You look like Ena Sharples'.  Yup, you guessed it, long drawn out 'discussion'. It sort of transpired through the conversation - the sort of questions and answers you have during 'one of those conversations' that I kept saying to him that he made me angry. When he asked why i found myself saying that it was because he could see me without my hair, and without my tooth when my mouth was sore. i was angry that I was coping with the majority of side effects until I passed a mirror. The wig looks like a wig  - to me at least- and it keeps falling off as i have an odd shaped head. The scarves look blooming awful on me and the little wisps of hair i have are white. Long after the conversation I realised I was angry at things I couldn't change, and angry at them beacuase I was frustrated with the diagnosis, surgery and subsequent treatments and the possible outcomes - good and bad. i have felt much better since I sort of analysed what i was angry about.

Then reading about radiation and heart damage, I remembered it too was something we discussed. I am still half thinking about a double mastectomy and reconstruction which will reduce the amount of radiation I have been advised to have. The radiation worries me more than the chemo. We are all so different and different things affect and worry us for different reasons. And i think it is easier for me as I am following so many of you - behind by one or two chemo sessions. When I see your progress reports it inspires me. There was a period where I wondered if it was worth it - but I realised it was just a sort of depresson over losing the hair.

Kylie - you know by my email i am thinking of you, I didn't realise things had got that bad, please email me again.

There seems to be good news and not such good news mixed in with all the messages I have read today. But please remember, that recurrence although really scary isn't always the doom and gloom that our minds tell us it is. i wish I had the right words to make you feel better but hope cyber sent hugs will help.

I decided to shop today, and bought some new skin cream - oh so indulgent - and it felt lovely after a deep pore cleanse and an oiled head. I bought some stretchy alice bands with flowers on and a couple of soft beany hats. No need for the turbie towel now at least. I also got some false eyelashes and i can't wait to try them although I am nervous about the fitting. The eyebrows are starting to go so i am gonig to practice with pencils tomorrow. I also decided next pay day to treat myself to a short funky wig so when my hair grows back i wil be able to adjust to the new style and get rid of the long itcy wig i have at the moment. Has any one else found that without natural 'side burns' the wig just looks like a wig or is it just me?  I also got some circular knitting needles. I have been knitting a lot - keeps me sane and tried them out today. Oh my god, they are brilliant in one sense, but so odd compared to long normal needles. Lets hope i have the patience to use them and make the hats i promissed myself.

In the meantime everyone, thank you for thinking of me. You are all in my thoughts as always.

love Sara xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Sara

Just had to type and say a big thank you, your post must have been written just for me .my husband has vocal cord cancer. and last night the boiler packed up at 9pm. i was so shocked at how angry he was and how it was all MY fault big heated discucussion followed. felt really angry myself at him this morning but after reading your post i will try to remember that he is on a different stress level at the moment. this site is so amazing. Thank you for helping me.

hugs

Luckyus 

Hi Lonie and you other lovely ladies.

Caroline get back on here as soon as you feel able,we miss you and as I am extremely nosey I want to know that you are OK

Well girls I have had a very exciting time .Before i start remember that me BC was an extremely aggressive blighter so I am not a normal case so dont panic.

As you know I have had problems with my heart since a previous treatment and was due to see the specialist next Monday but last Thurs night i felt grotty and vomited when I stood up so in the morning my husband rang our GP and he came out at 9 and my BP was 154/50 so he rang the ambulance and I was admitted with blue light flashing,sooooo exciting straight into the procedure room where 2 doctors and 2 nurses were waiting .I watched as a doctorexplained everything on a scanner while another used a needle into my pericardium around my heart and drained off just under 1 litre of fluid.How on earth can that much be there ?My heart immediately started to fill the space again and I was in the ward eating tea by 4 oclock,feeling drained (excuse the pun) but able to breath.How good is the NHS?So its on with the new chemo and only good things allowed for us all in 2011.I now have to try to put on weight for the first time in my life so When its time for Christmas pud I wont be doing the usual "oh I.ll just have another sprout coz I had a mince pie 3 days ago",it will be yes with loads of cream.!!!

Hope you are keeping strong girls and things will work out for you Kylie

Rose xxx

Oh Rose, what a time you have had! i agree about the wonderful NHS, I can't fault them. You always make me smile - I'm trying to lose a little bit of weight - just a couple of pounds or four, would you like them? It's these horrid steriods but who knows - maybe they'll change my meds

The sun was shining bright here today and so while the house was empty I did all the little bits and pieces that needed doing (knackered now) and then on the news looked at the snow elsewhere. funny how our minds become one tracked - all i could think of was thank goodness it doesn't get too bad here- I'll be ableto get to chemo next week. not even worried about xmas shopping. How are you all coping where you are? and yes CAZ WHERE R U? we miss you and hope you are okay.

Love sara

Hi everyone

Rose i am so sorry u have had this recent incicdent you have already been thru so much !u r amazing ! i hope u dnot mind me saying but when i was first diagnosed u helped me so much u r always the first person to help others i hope we all help u xxxx i think of u a lot thnk u x

how is everyone how is caz ?

lee caz colly patricia i am so keen to here your news xx care so much about how u all r ??

iam ok i have to say hate the chemo dread it (next is monday 13th dec) iam watchin footie (iam footie mad ) wont say team in case u go off me xx

thanks for add on fac ebook xx1

looking forward to christmas and spoiling my wonderful family they have been thru so much in last few months !

I think they go thru at laest the same if not more anx xx

love and hugs to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Nina,Its strange but talking to people on here actually helps me although it seems i am helping others.When i first came on here there were a handfull of people but now there are too many to answer.

I am lucky because my husband does not watch footie but our cousins son now plays for Cardiff so we are duty bound to watch them if he is playing.I love Christmas as well,I,m like a child!!!Never been bothered with New Year though.Not much snow here in Wales so we are very lucky.and can get around.

My gaandchildren are coming down today,havent seen them for a week.When they couldnt come down because i wasnt well and they had a cold my grandson(3)said  well Ill only talk to gramps then and do sign language to gran(I think all children should be taught sign language in school.I used to work with people with special needs)Children say such lovely things

Hope you are all coping with the weather

take care girls

Rose xx

Rose you have been through the mill, but as always, upbeat and strong, youre an inspiration. Lee wish I had a wee dog, mine died 2 years ago and i keep saying im going to get another one but im scared the next one isnt as good natured as last, anyway maybe one day. Im going into my third week of radiotherapy and so far so good, its the travelling in and out every day and if you ladies & tony watch the news you'll see just how bad the weather is up here in Bonnie Scotland, on monday it took us nearly 7 hours to get back from hosp, a journey that normally takes 40 mins ish, poor voluntary driver, he only gets 35 pence per mile, I'll need to get him something nice, we had 7 mint humbugs between us lol, anyway got in safe and sound, hope you are all well, Caz where are you. Again if anyone wants to add me on facebook that would be great- Colette Jameson   xxx

Rose you have been through the mill, but as always, upbeat and strong, youre an inspiration. Lee wish I had a wee dog, mine died 2 years ago and i keep saying im going to get another one but im scared the next one isnt as good natured as last, anyway maybe one day. Im going into my third week of radiotherapy and so far so good, its the travelling in and out every day and if you ladies & tony watch the news you'll see just how bad the weather is up here in Bonnie Scotland, on monday it took us nearly 7 hours to get back from hosp, a journey that normally takes 40 mins ish, poor voluntary driver, he only gets 35 pence per mile, I'll need to get him something nice, we had 7 mint humbugs between us lol, anyway got in safe and sound, hope you are all well, Caz where are you. Again if anyone wants to add me on facebook that would be great- Colette Jameson   xxx

Hi Colly

What a nightmare you've had getting to and from hospital the snow is lovely but when its stops the country in its tracks it can be so stressful!! You could have done with a hot toddy! I haven't had radio how  is itmaking you feel and will all your treatment be complete when this is done? You will be able to start 2011 off as you mean to go on. I should have had an injection at my GPs last week but it was cancelled because of the snow but they said they didn't have it anyway had I got it which I hadn't so rebooked my apptment for yesterday and phoned me again to say the injection had not arrived I was so annoyed (but not to the anger stage!!) Im suppose to have it the same time every month so I will be two weeks late and when things like this happen I get so worried! Anyway I've decided I amgoing to get the injection from the hospital and my partner was shown how to do it so he might do the next one - just another thing for me to hav a go at him about haha

Take care

Love Lou

PS would you be up for a meeting next year