Hi I'm 45 and just found out that a lump I had on my breast is cancerous, I had lump and lymph nodes removed last tues, so I'm now waiting to hear what treatment I'm going to need, My consultant has said most likely 8 sessions of chemo every 3 weeks, so 6 months in total and then radiotherapy mon-fri for a month, so i'm kinda in the unknown zone at the moment. Not looking forward to the hair loss, terribly vain i know, but my hair is very important to me like most women, I colour it blonde which will obviously have to stop. As far as I know my chemo will be given intrevenously, so my hair will most probably fall out. I am going to look into getting a real hair wig as I dont think i've got the guts to go au natural, I've also picked up a couple of bandanas to wear about the house. My partner says it doesnt matter if my hair falls out, as long as i'm here. Luckily I've found the lump very early by self examination whilst on holiday and my consultant is very positive about me getting better. I'm very wary about the next 9 months but feel quite determinded that chemo is a wonder drug and will make me better. My girls are 22 and 20 and are amazing, they have read stories in magazines about Kylie, sally from corrie etc and are determined I will just do what the doc says and get better, my partner who ive only been with for 2 years is the most wonderful guy ever, dunno what I'd do without him, he's been with me every step of the way. I was worried about losing my breast, but fortunately I had a lumpectomy which looks amazing. my consultant says put your life on hold for the next 6-9 months get better and you'll never look back, oh yeah sounds easy, but im trying really hard. I hope I'm still this positive whilst I go through my treatment (def not I hear you say) lol, but I'm a determined ***!

Hope to chat to others in the same situation xx

hi colly

just had my lump and nodes removed thursday (12th Aug) so will know my treatment shortly. I am expected to have radiotherapy and chemo but i thought radiotherapy came first, seems on here it is the other way around - perhaps I wasn't listening. I'm feeling a bit daunted at what comes next but more so for the effect it will have on the family - i worry too about not being the glamourous vital woman i was and will that change my realationship with my partner and so on. Although we are planning to get married. So much to talk about! it would appear you will be going through treatment at around the same time as me, so if you would like to stay in touch and discuss our good and bad days, please do !!! my email is simplysara1@hotmail.com

wishing the best of luck to you

sara

Hi girls

Sara, it looks like I will be a couple of weeks behind you as far as treatment goes

My results showed that I have lobular cancer in my right breast and ductal cancer in my left breast, and my surgery is scheduled for next wednesday.

Before my surgery I have to make the decision wether to have mastectomy or quadrantectomy (including losing the nipple) on my left breast.

Tonight I am going to have a couple of glasses of wine and try and let it sink in so I can make a decision by friday.

All opinions greatfully received

Love Caz xxx

dear caz

so sorry to hear your news. bloody awful having 2 types of the horrible beast. you are bound to need more time to think this one out. cant tell you how sorry i am. just need o remember, at the mo we need all the help we can get to get better n no matter what that is, surely its worth it?!

had lots of hassle sorting out passports n flights lately for this holiday but i promise as soon as the flights are booked, i will be online more n hopefully i can be there for all of you.

im really glad the op went well for you sara, enjoy your time before chemo now. the anaesthetic will wear off n like rose said, you'll probably feel quite low then but on the road away from it.

patrica, thanks for answering my post. it helped a lot to hear that but im sorry for you at the same time. onwards n upwards hun!

good night n speak soon

love leonie xxxxxxx

I have made the decision to have the double mastectomy.

It was a very hard decision to make.... but

Self presavation kicked in,,,,,, and to be honest, look at the choices!

Mastectomy and quadrantectomy including nipple removal........ 2 horrendous scars and a mis shapen deformed lump on my chest... with constant worry of grade 3 lobular cancer re occurring in the future

Or double mastectomy..... 2 even matching scars....... and peace of mind

Not much of a choice when I finally got my head straight

But I think the hardest thing is trying to take it all in and make sence of it all

Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement

Love Caz xxx

Well done Caz,I think you have made the right very difficult choice.:love:

Rose xxx

Hi caz you are in my prayers, I think you have made a very difficult decision but in my mind the correct one, it's amazing what they can do now a days. Good luck love colly x

Hi Caz

I think you have made the right choice also, and they can do amazing re-constructive work these days. One step at a time. Good luck for the operation I will be thinking of you.

Anne

xx

I have got used to the idea and told Barbara (my breast nurse)... and now she has made all the arrangements.

I have to go in on Tuesday for my final appointment, blood tests, constent forms etc

I feel strangly calm... sort of a wierd acceptance .... i told Dave that I am scared I will crach and burn on Wednesday.... he said I may crash, but he will never let me burn.

But I do know that I am scared at the speed this has all snowballed

Love Caz xx

Hi Caz,

I'm glad you've made a decision that you're comfortable with. I will be thinking about you next week and am sure you'll be back here in no time.

I read what you said about the speed this has all snowballed at, but sometimes you're better off that way....I've almost had 'too' long to think about my operation and I sincerely wish they'd not told me back in April what was in store for me - because I've had way too long to worry about it all.

Will keep fingers crossed that all goes really smoothly next week. Will you get hubby to update your blog or will we have to wait until you're out of hospital?

Dizzie xxx

My husband is dyslexic so I'm afraid you will have to wait till I come home, but according to Barbara, I should be home Friday or Saturday.

Xxx

Hi Caroline

I have been reading your news, and I just want to say how very sorry I am and that I think you are being very brave and very dignified in how you are handling this, Im not sure I would have been so calm, dont think that you have to handle it this way cos if you have a day where you feel like screaming and shouting well just get right on here and do just that, and noone will think any less of you, you are such a beautiful lady and your husband sounds like a real gem.

I wish you all the luck in the world and will be routing for you next week.

All my love

Lee xx

P.S .....A big hi to all the girls and a big cyber hug too.xxxxxxxxx

Hi Caroline

I have been reading your news, and I just want to say how very sorry I am and that I think you are being very brave and very dignified in how you are handling this, Im not sure I would have been so calm, dont think that you have to handle it this way cos if you have a day where you feel like screaming and shouting well just get right on here and do just that, and noone will think any less of you, you are such a beautiful lady and your husband sounds like a real gem.

I wish you all the luck in the world and will be routing for you next week.

All my love

Lee xx

P.S .....A big hi to all the girls and a big cyber hug too.xxxxxxxxx

a big hi to you all ! I had a really tearful day yesterday, I looked at my 'new' scar and fell to pieces, and then the negative thoughts do what they do best and spiral into dispair. I remember reading somewhere on here that one lady allows herself one or two days a month to let off steam. I had one day yesterday. I feel better today having let it all out and as all the wonderful people will tell you here, we live off the adrenalin at first and when its gone, we crash Compared to Caz's dilema mine was nothing. . I had thought about mastectomy - and I think caz has made the best decision for her - hugs and best wishes. I have seen some of the reconstructions and they are absolutely amazing - and they can redo the original scars to make them almost non existent. i haven't ruled out having double mastectomy although my surgeon thinks im taking this a bit too far, but has said if thats what i want, then we can discuss. I would prefer to wait till all treatment is finished and think of it as new boobs, new hair NEW ME !!!! Just a reminder Caz and all the others of you who get the depressed days like I had yesterday, our nipples and balls of bouncing fat that sit upon our chests might be the visible signs of sexuality, but the biggest sex organ is the brain. Boobs can be rebuilt, love continues to grow and bring you closer, and each morning the sun rises to greet us and glows red to say goodnight. All the feelings you have are natural and normal, but take everything one step at a time, give yoruself tme to grieve for the loss, then kick your backside into gear, come and chat here and remember life will be good again xxxxxx thinking of you

sara xx

Sara,

I have/had a different type of cancer (I refuse to put a capital or call it the big c)....however I read your 'call to arms' and feel proud to be a part of this community we have built on here.

One day we will arrange a big do somewhere, preferably close to Matlock and all meet up it will be one hell of a party but first we need a few more of you to get a bit better first.

God bless all you ladies, you are truly wonderful!

Much love

Tony xxx

Hi Sara, You are a wee cracker, Loved reading your post, brought a tear to my eyes...I get everything you said and more, I went for recon three years ago, i waited 6 weeks for that op,looking back now i can see i did the right thing for my phyical appearance,but on hindsight that wait almost cost me my life,but i agree we are all beautiful, the boobs and balls matter not a jot, its the person with in us thats shines...You are an inspiration..I went on Friday for my Third Tattoo on my new Nipple, my doc asked me if i wanted my Blue radiotherapy dot removed, I was all up for it until she appeared from behind the curtain with a rather large needle to freeze the area, well i was up off that bed and dressed in a shot, i told her i wanted to hold on to my battle scars...well that was my excuse and im sticking to it....lol...Keep up the Beautiful words...xx

Sara,

I woke up this morning, scared to death.... only because a double mastectomy is such a huge operation (to me)

Your words have helped me no end..... they made me understand, that this operation is going to make me better (even though I don't feel poorly) If I don't have the operation, I will die.

Your words made me see the difference between being a cancer victim and a cancer sufferer.

Your words have given me courage to go for my operation tomorrow..... without that crippling fear.

You made me see that it's ok to be scared.... Normal even

thank you for being brave enough to share your pain and depair..... bacause you have helped me to cope.

Thank you to everybody else for such wonderful support, without all of you, I wouldn't have even got this far

Tony, I like the idea of meeting up for a party... give me a little while to recover first though.

Love Caz Xxx

Hi Caroline, you are in my thoughts for tomorrow. Good luck. Loads luv coming your way mwah xx

Thoughts and love you way for tomorrow. You will do extraordinary things! A friend of ours under went a double mastectomy. Earlier this year we cheered her round the London marathon. You may not do that but watch this space. With the support form this and other communities you will be up and running (So to speak) before you know it. Tomorrow is the start of a positive future. Times to look forward to. For a drop of inspiration pop along to my friend Hayley's website. Strong? This woman could stop a tank with her determination! www.myladyhumps.co.uk

RD & Dx

Hi Caz

I have read through most of your posts and you come across as a very brave,kind wonderful person. With all of your troubles you still have time for others. Looking back at mine I come across as a very self centred person most of the time feeling sorry for myself. I am striving to be more like you, and a lot of the others - you all seem to get on soo well. I will be thinking of you tomorrow especially when I am having my 4th Chemo. It is also my 62nd birthday so I will be celebrating your determination to overcome eveything that has been thrown at you with the sure feeling that you will indeed beat this 'thing'

Jan x

Happy birthday for tomorrow, Jan - it's also mine - I'll be 42.

Be thinking of you, Caz. Look forward to hearing from you when you're up on your feet again.

Shents x

I went and signed my consent form today, and as she explained the possible side effects both myself and my husband fell about laughing... the surgeon looked at us like we were idiots..... but, I ask you?

"Possible side effects of a bilateral mastectomy.... scarring and loss of breast"

Have I got a warped sense of humour or does anybody else find that funny

I did......

I will come back on here as soon as I am able and let you know how I got on

Love Caz xxx

Happy Birthday Shents. Xxx

Hi Caz

Yep. I think I would have seen the funny side of that, but it just shows that you and your husband can laugh when the chips are down.

Good luck for the op and recovery and we will wait to hear from you as soon as you are able.

You will be fine.

Lots of love

Anne

x