breast cancer has spread,can anyone help me feel less alone?

Hi, I`m 45 and live with my wonderful partner.

Not sure where to start but I guess right at the beginning is the best place.

About 6 weeks ago I went to the Drs after finding a lump in my left breast, she didn`t think it was anything to worry about even though it seemed quite large but organised a mammogram as a routine anyway. She said that they may do an ultrasound and biopsy too. So, 2 weeks later I went along and wasn`t too worried when I had all three.

I was then taken into a room and told immediately that it wasn`t good news and that I had 2 lumps (one in Lymph) and that they were both cancerous! Also that I would have to have a mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy & prob hormone therapy. I was in complete shock as the literature I had been given said that any results would be given the following week after tests had come back from the lab.

I then went for a chest x-ray, followed a couple of days later by a CT scan and bone scan. I was told I would be having chemotherapy before surgery to shrink the tumour and zap it as quickly a poss. That started 3 weeks ago and I`m due my second tomorrow but just yesterday I saw my oncologist who gave me the results of my bone scan which I had been dreading as I have a disc problem and so have had back pain for many years. He has told me that the cancer has spread to my bones it`s in my back in three places and in my femur.

I am absolutely devastated. In 6 weeks I have gone from a happy, confident, seemingly fit and healthy, carefree person to a complete wreck who looks and feels terrible.

I coped with the first chemo well ~ I only got a bit of indigestion, so I know I should feel grateful but I`m now starting to feel like what`s the point? I am so low but feel very guilty because I don`t want to upset my partner any more but I can`t stop crying.

It feels as though everything is being taken away from me. I don`t have children but after longing for my own horse for years, I have one, but am now told I may not be able to ride for much longer.

My Mum, who I am very close to, was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer two years ago and may not have long left. I have a very supportive sister but feel that I am just burdening her with more problems.

I am very lucky to have my wonderful partner, he has been amazing. I just don`t know how to carry on right now, I can`t seem to feel positive about anything. I`m not even sure it`s sinking in ~ i`m typing this and it doesn`t feel like it`s me I`m talking about. How can it be me?!

It seems like everyone knows someone who has had breast cancer but never to the degree I have. My friends tell me how people they know have had it and come through ok but that just makes me feel worse.

If there is anyone out there who has been through what I am going through I would soooooo appreciate you getting in touch.

I`m sorry its so long but thank you for reading

  • Hi Debbie and also Kal,

    Just hoping you are both getting on OK and that you are both still making progress.;)

    How are the fingernails Kal?I remember having plasters on my nails to stop them coming off.Its strange but I had forgotten that.This whole thing is like childbirth.Awful at the time but you forget later on.

    Hope the legs are improving Debbie (thats my daughters name )

    Good luck girls.

    Rose xxx

  • Hi Kal,

    How are things with you - let us know when you have a moment....No pressure

    Much Love

    Tony xx

  • Dear all,

    I hope you don't mind if I come into this conversation? I am one of those who has quietly read and considered what has been said here and I have found it quite helpful, especially as I am trying to find a way to help two people very close to me.

    To put you in the picture, I personally do not have breast cancer, but two of my unassociated friends do and one of them has only just been diagnosed as in the later stage that has spread to her bones. I know how devastating this dreadful enemy can be and what effects it has on personal family and friends - I've been there. It has been such a shock to them and their family and friends.

    I've seen their expectations and fears, chemo extremes and hair loss and in all, I wish that somehow I could help in some way, and as an outsider of this disease I wish I knew how to encourage and support more, especially when at their lowest in mind, body and spirit.

    For those close to me in the past, I have tried to encourage the sufferer to be strong and fight with all ones might, to speak to this disease as an intruder, a thief, and refuse to give in to its powers. At the same time, I have encouraged them to look at the things in life that once they took for granted. The flight of a bird; the wonder of a bee; the beauty of flowers and trees; the rolling clouds across an evening sky; the awsome power of the sea; the stars in the night sky and the wonder of the universe. But I still don't feel it's enough. If I could take some of the suffering away, in some way, I feel at least I have helped bring peace and hope, but I still don't feel it's enough.

    So - I will go on - encouraging where I can. So fight that fight with all you have and don't give in yes! Whether we win the war or not - but may I encourage you all to take time to look away from the pain - the chemo - the fear and remember to enjoy the beauty that we do have while we can. For whether ill or not, we all leave this earth at some point and we all leave our mark in some way and that is what we are remembered for yes?

    My best wishes to you all. Wini

  • What a lovely message Wini !!I think you will find you have helped a lot more than you think.It is true,I have noticed the simple things more and cant see why people get so worked up over trivial things

    Its not how long we live that counts but how we live.Keep encouraging ,you do it so well:love:

    Rose xxxx

  • mine has returned to my bones also and im so afraid dont know what to think or do just feel so alone and lonely having chemo but feel so low and down today x

  • Hi Rose/Wini

    Here's a link to a song that I played a lot during my treatment - its by Jack Savoretti. Not only does he cheer you up with how gorgeous he is, but the words to the song are perfect - 'Its not about the time that you have...its how you cry and how you laugh, who you love and how you mean it...'

    Have a listen. I think its exactly what you're on about, Wini.

    Shents x

  • Hello Teresa51.... i am so sad to meet you here on this cancer forum, but happy to be of any help and support to you.

    You do understandbly feel low at the moment, you have so much to come to terms with.... i am in a similar way to you but with lung cancer that has spread to my bones, and elsewhere too.

    The pain was the worst part for me, untill i began treatment, i hope you are recieving good pain relief...

    Good night, i will look out for your posts, love Debbie.x

  • Hi Teresa

    I think we must have been posting at the same time on this thread.

    I'm so sorry to hear your news. Please don't feel alone - there are lots of people on here who can help you.

    Keep us up to date with your progress, and we'll help you all we can

    Shents x

  • Hi there,

    We seem to be in the same boat............

    I feel very sick and scared. I live alone and have no family and no close friends. Will write more next time, not feeling so good.

  • Hi

    So sorry, I haven`t been on this site for a long time and have just seen your post.

    RealIy sorry to hear you feel alone with all this but believe me you`re not on your own. There are many of us going through this awful thing and we all have times when we feel too scared to either talk or to think positively. Impossible as it may seem at times, it does get better. I find I need to allow myself to have those `down times` to be able to regain my strength and carry on.

    I hope you can find the strength to come back on and talk a little more.

    Best wishes

    Kal