Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 15 replies
  • Views 753 views
  • Users 0 members are here

Invasive ductal carcinoma - friends and family seem to be distancing themselves from me. It's breaking my heart.

Tinafred
Offline

Hi my name is Tina

I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma on 31st March

I had my surgery on April 22nd 2026 I had to have sentinel node removed as well so 2 scars, I'm finding that most people including some family have distanced themselves I'm heartbroken, has this happened to any one else? 

  • Offline in reply to Tinafred

    That must have been very scary for you. I remember having my armpit drained after my last breast cancer and it felt much better afterwards. I felt like I was constantly walking around with a couple of carrier bags under my arm. I’ve had a really tough week (dizzy,  exhausted and, unfortunately feeling very depressed, angry and hating myself so much for being ill again)  I know that’s not logical but I can’t help it at the moment. Thank you for thinking of me and I hope that you’re doing ok today. 

  • Offline in reply to Fifth

    It was scary but feels so much easier now, not so much pressure 

    Please don't hate yourself for being ill unfortunately we didn't ask for this and like me I expect emotions run high and low, some days are good some bad 

    Always here if you want a rant or just someone to talk to 

    Macmillan say it helps talking to someone in the same boat or 1 going through cancer and they are right, unless you have had it or going through it other people don't really understand the impact, it's physically and emotionally draining 

    I have an appointment on 26th I think it's to find out when my radiotherapy starts so my emotions are all over the place, all the little ifs and buts, will I be sick some say it can have that effect, and the chemo pills, will I have all the horrible side effects

    I think together we can prop each other up, it's a better day for me today 

    Hoping you are doing better thus morning and thinking of you 

  • Offline in reply to Tinafred

    Bless you and thank you. Yes I’m sure we will be able to support each other.

  • Offline in reply to Tinafred

    Hi Tinafred,

    A very arm welcome to the forum - now that you've found us, you need never feel alone again!

    Unfortunately, many of us find some of our friends drifting away after we get a cancer diagnosis. There are many different reasons for this.  I have had two bouts of breast cancer and one of pre-cancer, all within a year. I had lost my mum to secondary breast cancer, after a 12 year battle with the disease. She had a very bad experience during this time and I initially expected the same fate. Fortunately, diagnosis, treatment and after care have all made tremendous advances in the interim and there was just no comparison between the experiences which we both had.

    In the early days of diagnosis, I believe that I may well have driven some of my friends away myself, as I was so low in myself that I can't have been good company. It took me a few years before I could fully accept my diagnosis and deal with it in a more positive way, but this has made a huge difference in how people react to me. I am now 16 years down the line and have lost some friends, but I have also made many more new ones. Some of these are from the Cancer Community, but others are curious to find out more about the disease, if you are happy to discuss this openly.  I have also found help and support from acquaintances, who have had previous experience of cancer - this was something I hadn't expected and has come from some very unexpected quarters.

    As others have said, a cancer diagnosis shows who your true friends are. Many people don't know how to cope with cancer. This has been such a taboo subject for so many years. Fortunately, people are slowly opening up about it, but there's still a long way to go.

    Have you considered joining a cancer support group in your area? Many people find this helpful. There are also charities such as Maggie's and Macmillan as well as a number of smaller local ones. Many of these offer free counselling, advice, yoga, alternative therapies, walking groups, etc. Breast Cancer Now also offer some courses which are very useful. One that I found helpful after surgery was the "Moving Forward" course.

    I am sorry to hear that you have had trouble with the scarring under your arm - did you mean sarcoma or was it a seroma? It should heal quite quickly now that it has been drained.

    Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.