Hello Richard12345

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis of stage 4 melanoma. It's understandable that combined with the breakdown of a relationship, that you may be feeling overwhelmed by what this all might mean for you. 

I hope that the health professionals involved in your care have been supportive and that they have been able to offer some reassurance regarding treatment options and managing your health. It may be that there is an organisation such as Maggie's in your local area that you could visit to connect with other people you local area who are living with cancer. 

It's understandable that a stage 4 diagnosis can leave you looking ahead to the future and thinking about the things that you may, or may not, get to experience. I know that in the past we have had members who are living with a stage 4 diagnosis build new relationships and find love again. No one knows what the future holds Richard12345 and it's ok to be sad about the prospect of things you may not get to experience. But hopefully there will be lots of good things, opportunties, chances to meet new people and maybe even find love again.

It's often easier to say than do, but try not to spend too much time looking ahead as this often leaves people feleing anxious. If it would help to chat things through with one of our nurses at any point you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. 

Keep posting here on the forum if it helps to have a safe space to put down in writing how you're feeling Richard. We're here for you. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi Richard12345,

No. You're not being stupid. It's completely natural and healthy to want to share our time here with a partner isn't it?!

I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in both lungs and liver in 2011. My husband then left.

On my own with all my children and a short prognosis - I thought that was it.

When people said "Give it time, you'll get over it" they appeared not to see the short prognosis I had at the time, and the distinct possibility that I wouldn't have the time I needed to get over it!

I spent a while learning to "love myself again". My daughter told me that I had to love myself before anyone else would. (wise words from a teenager).

I met a few people after talking online for a very long time. It was a bit of an adventure and I kept safe as my grown up children were always on my case wanting to know where I was! I was always honest about the cancer. And I made several great friends. 

Then, I met my best friend and present husband. On our first date, when we discovered we had so much in common, I told him if we got on that I "might only be a temporary girlfriend". He was fairly shocked, but appreciated the honesty I think.

We're still together today. And he's still my best friend. My profile picture on here was taken at our wedding.

I think my daughter's words were crucial for me. I ceased looking for love and began to rediscover the things that make me happy. Once I relaxed and became myself again, took care of myself too, happiness seemed to follow me.

Living with uncertainty, treatment & past chemo affects every day. And yes it's great to still be here!

Nobody knows what's round the corner. I thought it was all over for me back then. I was 44. I'm now 59 and happier today than I could have ever imagined. I still worry and cry at every scan. But the cancer hasn't got me yet and it's not going to get me today, so I just must get on and live it.

I hope some of this is helpful to you. 

Sending you huge best wishes, with a sprinkle of good luck,

Mare