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Stage IV colon cancer

Catz
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I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in December 2023. It has metastasized and gone to my liver. I had a huge surgery recently that removed part of my colon and a lot more as it breached the wall and spreaded. I have a genetic mutation that makes the cancer quite agressive. I will be starting chemotherapy soon. Before this shocking diagnosis I was well and enjoying my life. Then abdominal pains started all of a sudden, I could not eat anything solid and all moved very very fast with tests, surgery... It feels like someone pulled the handbrake and stopped my life suddenly. I have no family around. My partner has been extremely supporting, but I can't help feeling like an absolute burden on him, as he stopped everything he was doing to concentrate on supporting me. He supports me emotionally,  does endless research, makes sure I eat as healthy as possible and goes with me to every appointment. I am extremely grateful, but also feel guilty as I feel dependent, and all this is changing my relationship.

I would be grateful for any advice if you went through similar. I feel lost in the middle of all....

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat, Catz.

    I can only imagine how challenging this situation must be for you, especially with the suddenness of the diagnosis and the significant impact it has had on your life.

    It's understandable to feel overwhelmed and lost amidst such a difficult situation. It's heartening to hear that your partner has been so supportive and dedicated to your care. While it's natural to feel guilty about depending on others, it's important to remember that relationships are built on mutual support and care, especially during times of hardship.

    Many people facing similar challenges find it helpful to seek support from others who have gone through similar experiences so I'm glad you decided to join our forum as surely you'll encounter those here who'll understand what you are going through at the moment. 

    The other thing I wanted to mention is that if you feel like asking someone with a medical background some questions, please ring our team of nurses. They're available Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m on this freephone 0808 800 4040.

    We also have some information on our website about bowel cancer I'm including here in case it can be of help.

    Please keep us update as you get on, Catz.

    Best wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Renata

    Thank you Renata. I will call the line for some advice.

  • Offline

    Hi Catz. Even though the situation was the same, suddenness of it all happening at once and unexpectedly, I was diagnosed slightly different with stage 3 colo-rectal cancer, spread to lymph nodes.

    I feel exactly the same sometimes but try to blame the 'man'opause for it. A burden on everyone that wants to help, especially my wife who does EVERYTHING! Cooks, cleans, works full time, looks after our children while I fall asleep, verbal punchbag when the days get bad and she doesn't give me the support I necessarily want but absolutely need.

    She constantly reminds me how if the roles were reversed then I would do exactly the same for her so why sweat the small stuff and gather strength whenever possible to fully enjoy the good days as a family.

    They find the strength to help as much as they do because they love us as much as we love them. Would you do the same for your partner if they had your diagnosis instead? Sometimes thinking like that encourages you to let them be the support because they want to be your rock.

  • Offline

    Hello Catz,

                     l am sorry to read of your diagnosis and can understand where your emotions are now having gone through stage 4 with spread to the liver myself.. l cannot say much that will make your journey any shorter, indeed it will likely be a long slow climb back to recovery, but it does come even when the daily improvements are barely noticeable.

    The best advice l can offer is that the earlier you can arrive at acceptance of your situation and allow your stress levels to tick down, the sooner you will be able to embrace new positives your situation could provide.

    Yes l know this sounds complete rubbish when you are going through so much pain but a mind freer of anguish is able to appreciate all the things previously took for granted, l heard birdsong but now l hear birdsong, and that heightened sense of my surroundings has stayed with upon my recovery, and encompasses everything in my current life

    Where you currently understandably see your relationship towards your partner as a burden, it could also be a path towards a far deeper relationship than you have experienced before. Your fears will put obstacles along that path but if can tread gentler and navigate around them, then the rewards could be far greater than you can currently see.

    The possibility for you to emerge from the horrendous to the incredible does exist if you are prepared to quietly look into yourself at this time of personal turmoil and allow your mind to find that peaceful plateau of understanding.

    l hope my post makes sense, and that it conveys that it is neither easy or impossible to achieve but very much within yourself. l got there eventually and you can too, just try not to take the hardest route in doing so,

                                            Best wishes,

                                                                  David

  • Offline in reply to Riley_86

    Hi David,

    Thank you for your message, which I found very sensible, kind and honest. I agree with you on every point. I pretty much isolated myself the past 2 half months, and only recently started going to support groups, some therapy and feel some improvements, especially concerning my mental health. I am now able to meditate again, and looking within for strength. 

    Not an easy journey, but some glimmer of light starting to show. I'm starting to accept and connect things within me, a difficult process to go through, but necessary for releasing of all the emotions that has been building up and clogging my system along the years. 

    I wish you are keeping well. 

    Thank for your great advice! 

    Best regards

    Catz

  • Offline in reply to Riley_86

    Hi Riley

    Thank you for your reply. Sorry to hear about your diagnose too and that you are still going through the process. 

    The love and support from my partner has been my anchor. I know I would do exactly the same for him, and I am grateful that he is not experiencing this pain in the sense of the disease itself. But it is not easy to see someone you love going through all the emotional suffering all the same. 

    He' s been here for me every step of the way, and I can say, if one thing I have learned is that I didn't really know or was not fully aware of the depts and meaning of what we call 'love'. 

    Best regards

    Catz

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