Thank you so much- it's hard so your words are really appreciated xxx

Sometimes it takes bad things to happen as to filter out those people who are a complete and utter waste of time. You might not realise it just now and it certainly won't feel like it at the moment, but he's done you a favour, not a disservice.

You don't get to choose your family, but you get to choose your friends and partners. Not sure he wouldn't have just found some other reason later on even if you weren't going through this.

So yeah, it at least allows you to eventually find someone who will stand by you thick or thin. Fair weather people are never good to be around. Things like cancer, hardships etc are usually what helps root these people out.

Hi Kiki it sounds like your boyfriend is more concerned about having a family than the health of his girlfriend, not a very good partner.

Sorry for being blunt but given time you can find someone who loves you for who you are not just a family . I've sent for [@mare]‍  hoping she will pop on soon she's been through it as well, I'll let her tell you more if she wants.

Take care keep safe and positive.

Billy

I'm sorry you're going through all this! I'm not sure what I can say that will help but I truly hope you're okay. I can offer my own perspective on things though and maybe part of it will be of some use to you. I think that whilst this hurts in the short term it might be better that he’s gone in the long term. You need to surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you and love you regardless of what you can or can't give them. 

Honestly I find my partner is a bigger source of stress at the moment than my treatment or being sick or anything else. I am extreamly lucky though in that everyone else from my work to my family and friends have been amazing. Sounds like you're parents are the same. I'm sorry I have only words, but really do wish you all the best!

Hello Billy, hi Kiki!

I'm totally with you Kiki. I totally understand, and I am sending that huge virtual hug you need right now. You are right to surround yourself with those who love you most.

Yes. It's pretty rubbish isn't it. But everyone on here has given you such good advice. The only bit I would add is about letting go...

My husband left me when I had been diagnosed stage 4 breast cancer throughout my lungs and liver (with a short prognosis because of it's nature and wide-spreadedness...[That's not a word I think?!]). I was completely shattered! So bewildered that my partner had left me when I needed him the most. I spent too long, wasted too much of my time asking "why me?", "I don't understand?", "what could I have done differently?". And I spent too long in hate; my partner left me for someone else.

The hardest part, for me, was to learn to let it go, to let him go. People used to tell me "give it time", but time was something I felt I didn't have and I just got angry with them.

Once I begun to let go of the trauma, (the bitterness, the feelings of desolation when I knew he didn't love me & the fear of being alone), I began to learn to love myself again. It did take time because I was not the same. The cancer has changed me too. These things always do take time, and nothing is certain but change. But just because I have cancer doesn't mean I won't have time.

And, over that time our perceptions change. We find a way of dealing with things that is, in fact, better than before. I could not change how my husband felt, but I COULD change my own perception of things. So I had to didn't I?

My life is so different to what it would have been if my husband had stayed. But my life is so much happier now, and so much richer, and better, for the challenges I face. I am stronger and more resilient than I ever could have been before. 

After a while on my own, having some good fun dating and generally learning to socialise again, and learning to value myself again (my wise daughter told me that I had to learn to love myself before I started looking for anyone to be with), I found a friend who I hit it off with enormously.

To cut a long story short, we got married on Sept 4th 2021 and he really truly is my best friend. I never thought it could happen to me, I always hear these things happen to others but didn't imagine that I could be with someone so amazing.

The process of letting go and finding the new me was an incredible, funny and rewarding journey. I would urge you Kiki to begin by loving yourself above all, and the rest will likely fit right into place.

If you send me a message I will always reply, but it takes me a few days sometimes as I love to try to nurture the Mary cyclist, or Mary pet owner, Mary the artist, Mary the cook, singer, web designer, knitter etc..... I am so many things for myself now which I never was before!

Let us know how you go Kiki,

Huge hugs,

Mary

xxxxx

Great post, inspiring.. I've been through similar, it takes time to come out the other side. If they're not there to support you, you're better off finding someone who will. Sending hugs xx