Hey that's great!

I'm a 51 year old, and have today received my results from my recent smear. I have been told I am HPV positive and also have high grade (moderate) dyskaryosis. I have already booked my colposcopy for next Thurs. But have to say I am terrified! I had a double mastectomy when I was 34 due to DCIS and now completely panicked that I have cervical cancer. I'm not worried about the treatment, just that they will find out I have cancer already!! I'm at work but can't focus! Awful. The waiting does you in. I don't have any symptoms like bleeding, pain, or discharge. Just mass panic and general sense of crazy!! 

Bennie x

Hiya Bennie, honestly they were so good and completely reassured me not to worry straight away. I was exactly the same as you. I can tell you not to worry but I know you still will but honestly, they are so helpful and put you at such ease 

x x x 

Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm hoping that it will just be removal of any dodgy cells and that's it. Just can't wait for Thurs to get here. 

Appreciate your reply. Sucks being a woman at times!! Xx

Hey J! 

Exactly the same for me. Got my results today too and next Thurs for colposcopy. Very worried and anxious about it. Not the treatment but the fear it's worse as my brain always looks ahead to the worst scenario!! 

Let me know how you get on. Wishing you well. 

Bennie x

Aww thank you. Unfortunately I am self employed so I have to work. And I'm hoping it will distract me! But yes, talk about your mind racing ahead. Losing my breasts when I was 34 was awful and I just couldn't go through more but I know if I had to, I would. But hopefully it will be fine. Thanks so much. Xx

if it helps, yesterday taught me to tell my catastrophe brain to shut up and go smell the cocoa - lovely consultant Id never met before must have read the book on how to talk to patients, he gave me the results talking me through them with his computer screens turned so we could both see them. He talked to me like a sentient grown up person without patronising me. he offerred to print off my test results so I could take them home and peruse them at leisure, and maybe even show them to the biochemistry lecturer in whose lectures i sometimes take notes for students at work...then he offerred to print off a private letter to me which Id lost (from my breast surgeon) and agreed to send copies of everything to do with the tests to the other medical specialist team in Birmingham so that we are all on the same page when it comes to knowing what meds Im on or need.  I told him it was an example of how to do it perfectly - husband was a bit silly saying it was probably nice for him not to have to break bad news, but to get the good news I am spared chemo so nicely put, was a tonic.  I get what you mean about early loss of your breasts and how it affects your thoughts - Ive got a weird birth defect which means I lack chest muscles and had a pathetic little right breast that didnt really develop, so had been given an implant at age 18 - of course it had to go, joked with breast surgeon that it was maybe older than him. I freaked at going back to being what id always thought of as the bullied and deformed schoolgirl I was between 12 and 18.  I had a recon, Im not sure what to make of it yet, and it looks very scarred and odd atm due to a dog ear of spare skin, but I remind myself its early days.  Heres hoping that if you need anything doing, it will be straightforward and unconnected to your previous surgery.  Stay strong, get as much love support and self care as you can manage, and hang on in there.  wishing you all good things x

Hi Emily

Ive got my colposcopy on Friday and got a hpv positive result and moderate changes to cells. I'm not as worried about the colposcopy but more petrified about the lletz treatment.. I hate all things hospitals, needles and am jsut very squeamish. How did you find the procedure please? Did you have the local anesthetic?

Thanks so much

Ana 

I have had a lletz 4 yrs ago.it was to remove cells from my cervix.there is no local anesthetic it's the same as your colposcopy.then 2 injections  inside to numb you  and cells scraped away and a bit cervix taken you cant feel anything just a bit sore.i'm having to go through it all again on12th jan after 4yrs of being clear which is worrying.i have HPV virus moderate like yourself.and I no how you are feeling.it will go well.