My partner won’t support me

Feel so lonely and scared. My boyfriend has always been very self centred. We have struggled during our 4 year relationship. He has no emotion and shows no empathy. Even now when the going is tough. I thought that he maybe would try harder. Feeling so scared of what lies ahead. Spoke to him earlier to say that he is the only one that is actually making me feel worse and he knows my circumstances. He then yelled, slammed the door and went out. I need to remain strong and I feel that I am doing reasonably well until I come home to him and he brings me down and belittles me. What should I do? Don’t really want to go through a separation as well. I don’t normally complain so I apologise for my rant, just not convinced I can do this with him around. Awaiting a biopsy next week.. he’s working and not coming with me as doesn’t want to lose any money! Would be nice to get any objective views on my situation. The fight has just begun but I don’t need him making it harder. I have to ask him for cuddles and he ignores me if I cry. In fact he ignores me most of the time. Still in shock as I only realised something was wrong 10 days ago after going to A and E insisting on an X-ray. When I came  back in tears he told me to suck it up! What should I do?

  • I have been away for a few days and just caught up on your news.  Well done you for taking the right decision.  Don't backslide if he comes whining back promising to be different from now on - it won't happen.  Sometimes, when we have been brave we can feel a bit lonely but that will pass and you can enjoy the ability not to have to worry about someone else and just concentrate on doing what is right for you.  Annie

  • Chuck him out.........sorry but they dont change.  Ive been with my partner for 18 years and he is exactly the same.  He was more upset when out cat had to be put to sleep than when I was diagnosed last september.  I went through 6 weeks intense chemo/radiotherapy without him in March I had a lower anterior resection and half my rectum removed along with getting a stoma bag i was in pieces.  then 12 weeks on my own in lockdown.  Ive since had a stoma reversal but all he has done is worked 8am -7pm.  No time off for appointments treatment or when I came home after two general anaesthetics.  I quote "I cant let my customers down"

    He has no empathy no emotion and physical relationships ended on my diagnosis.  So my advice get selfish, think of you and you alone.  You get one life dont waste it hoping that the person who you thought loved you will change they wont.

    We all need to escape the cage and spread our wings.......first round on me 

    xx

  • I deeply empathise with you over your situation. I've now been married 31 years and for many of those years it's been a marriage of convenience and my wife has told me a few times she doesn't love me but doesn't hate me either she just finds me annoying. I've now got terminal prostate cancer and I've now stopped all treatment as I just can't do it anymore. The side effects are too much for me. Dying now seems a much better option. My wife shows no emotion or empathy and doesn't care that I've stopped my treatment only seems bothered that she's not left in any financial mess! I just so saddened that she makes me want to give up. Like you she belittles me and never offers me support. It's pointless divorcing at this late stage. I feel an inconvenience. I haven't the bottle to end my life early I don't want to leave a bad legacy behind. I so wish to just go a  as quickly as possible now. It's awful 

  • I am so sorry to read *** you are having to c ontend with, but I think you know the answer to your own question.

     

    hopefully your biopsy will prove clear resukts but perhaps this is the wake up call you needed not to pour any more energy into a person who treats you like this, you deserve better.

     

    i wish you all the luck in the world and you can gonthrough a seperation, just keep focussed on that feeling of freedom and having your self belief and confidence back.xxx

  • I'm so sorry that you're going through this with  your cancer diagnosis. I wrote my post nearly three years ago. I split with my partner at the beginning  of my sons diagnosis, since the split he has been very supportive and helped  out many timeswe even though we are not together now and he has moved away but I have been shocked  at his support. It was totally unexpected. Since our split I have bumped into an old male friend who has also been by my side. He is never horrible or rude to me and treats me with a lot of respect. It has made me realise how disfunctional my last relationship was. A cancer diagnosis makes it so much worse, do you have children friends you can lean on? I accepted early that I couldn't change other peoples behaviour but I could change mine, my son died in May and I saw some very kind behaviour and some very shocking behaviour through his treatment as a result I only have a few close friends now and don't speak to the others. I don't need people to make me feel worse than I already do and neither do you. Hold on to the people who care and are there for you and try and find enjoyment in the time you spend with those people. There are amazing people in this world and they will help you cope 

  •  

    Hi Carebear,

    It is so good to catch up with you after all this time. I am so sorry to hear about your son and hope that you are coping with your loss. It is so good to hear that you took the plunge and have made it on your own. I am glad to hear that you have a supportive group around you now and that your partner did help out after you split. It's amazing how quickly you discover who your real friends are in situations like these. 

    None of us need that sort of toxicity in our lives. We are so much better off when we surround ourselves with positivity. I am glad to hear that you have reunited with your old friend and hope that things continue to go from strength to strength for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx 

  • Hi carebear,

    Im feeling the same as you,even could have written this post exact same way myself! 

    My partner is so selfish same shows no feeling pr empathy just works constantly showing no support of my feelings,tells me to get up and go do something when im feeling fatigued and low.

    Awaiting on biposys and scans he thinks i just got a cold or something, hes hardly ever here and when he is hes on the phone or laptop,

    I was on the sofa this morning crying he just said right i gotta get on.... 

    I feel so lonely x

  • I'm so sorry that your partner is not supportive and being so selfish. I split with my partner a couple of months after my son got diagnosed and have not regretted it once since. It allowed me to focus solely on the one important thing that was happening. Shortly after my partner left his best friend was diagnosed with a similar cancer to my son and died within 4 months. I think this really hit home and I am still friends with me ex. At a distance though. He was actually really supportive  once he had moved out. Maybe he felt out of control I don't know. He was a very controlling person. Surround yourself with the people that care and will help you. I have lost friends but also made friends during this time. You really don't need someone making you feel worse than you already do. Sending you lots of hugs xx

  • Hi 

    My husband was a pig.. No empathy at all. All about him. I had to do all the decorating and gardening. Atti of well you want it done then do it yourself. 

    He cheated on me throughout my pregnancy and told me I looked crap after my c-section. Had to leave my child in special care the day I came home and he left me barely walking and went to a party with HER. 

    But I could go on and on BUT what I'm saying is get rid of him now he is not going to change..

    You'll find someone nice like I have... My man adores me and that's what you deserve..

    Keep strong. Remember your worth x

  • Hi Claireyeary,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    I am so sorry to hear of the situation you are in. This is one time in your life when you really need support. Have you had your biopsy and scans yet, or are you waiting on the results of these?

    Carebear has been through a similar experience with her ex and I cannot add much to what she has already said. I am fortunate in that my husband has been very supportive over the past 12 years, but I have lost some friends and also gained many new and genuine friends.

    Now that you've found this forum, you have always got our support. We have all been through what you are going through and know how worrying it can be.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx