Hi

Sorry to hear about the problems and welcome to the site.

Both my sister and a cousin have gone through breast cancer.  Neither needed a mastectomy but both had chemo and radiotherapy.  Both given the all clear - cousin about three and a hal years ago and sister about 18 months ago.

I wish I could say what to expect but not having been through this I do not know.  I myself have lymphoma and am half way through chemo.

What I would say that given the family history I think your wife has made a very sensible decision.

I know it is very hard but try and take one day at a time and do not be afriad to ask questions of the doctors or nurses or you can raise a question with the nurses on this site which I am sure will be helpful.

Try and keep postive and ver best wishes to you both.

Gill

Well it is a strange one Gill.

As you can imagine there have been a few tears when the enormity of the situation suddenly confronts us unawares, but we are pretty good at keeping it chained in its box down in the cellar...

Deborah has been heartened by the personal experiences of others who have gone down this route, and, although she is facing major surgery, she is as upbeat about it as you can possibly be. Those who have been brave enough to share their journey with others should know how positive it makes others feel.

Neither of us are sad about the diagnosis as such, since it was very much expected and, rightly or wrongly, we expect to be clear after the operation on April 1st, so, in reality, it seems like a very short-lived illness.

There is obviously a chance that this cursed thing will already have spread beyond the breast tissue but that is another journey altogether whose destination is as terrifying as it is unknown.

I cannot lose her.

I cannot think about losing her.

It has been caught very early.

We have chosen to believe the bilat mastectomy will be the end of this illness.

It may not be but that is a bridge we will cross when we come to it.

Worrying about whether it has already spread will not cure it nor will it help us in any way.

We shall know soon enough.

Hi and welcome.  My sister had her mastectomy about 5 years ago.  She had chemotherapy too, then went onto Tamoxifen.  She has been given the all clear.

In terms of the operation, this was relatively straightforward although some discomfort was experienced while the drain was in.  It was the psychological side that took a while to deal with, but the support she received was superb.  She didn't go for implants, and the falsie is ok.  We do have a story which concerns making adaptations to a swimsuit so we could go to the local pool, and our sewing skills weren't all they could be, which allowed the falsie to roam :-).  It shows how far my sister has come because we just laughed about it!

There are a number of different types of breast cancer so what I would say is try to tie down which type exactly it is.  This will also help to give an understanding of the likelihood of it all being over and done with after the op.  You also don't mention whether the treatment plan includes other measures such as drug treatment, so this might be something to check out.

Finally, as it has been caught very early, I'm sure that you know that statistically there is a high chance of a 'cure', and that surgery plays an enormous contribution to success rates.

Good luck to you both,

Gill

Thanks Gill (another Gill? )

At the moment there is no mention of any drugs, although that may change depending on the results from the lymph node check.

Deborah is concerned about my reaction to the scars - which will be the same as her reaction to mine when I smashed myself to bits in a road accident a couple of years back - they do not matter.

She is having expanders put in at the same time. Personal experiences of others say this is fairly uncomfortable so she is prepared for that. She reckons she'll ask for a C cup, coming down from a GG, so every cloud and all that...

We are flying off on holiday at the beginning of August - 18 weeks after the operation. Will she be okay to do that do you think? She's concerned about flying and the pressure etc. It is just a wee cottage so not a hotel with millions of people so no problem with her being self-conscious in front of others - it's just the flight really.

Thank you so much for your replies so far. They are a great help.

Yes we are doing well for Gill's on this site!

It is still very early days to know for sure whether the holiday is going to be a runner, especially as there is uncertainty about the lymph.  The main fly in the ointment is whether a decision is taken to give Deborah a course of chemotherapy and the form it would take - this might be advised by the medical team as a precautionary measure because it is a systemic treatment and it would massively reduce the chances of cancer coming back anywhere.  If this happens then there is a scenario where it is strongly advised that you don't fly, as there is a higher risk of thrombosis, and also being some distance from your medical team just isn't sensible. I cancelled my skiing trip in February for these reasons and have exchanged this for a few treats along the way.

With any luck your lady will take a smooth swerve round the chemo possibility and most likely you'll be on track to go on holiday.  The only other thing I would add is, if chemo is offered it will be for a reason and I'm sure Deborah will take that in her stride as well.  They would be duty bound to explain all the side-effects but not everyone has them, as I can testify (so far, at least).

Well....what can I say...you're a great man and she....well she's bloomin' marvellous!!! and she will get through this..you will both get through this...it's like in the films...love always triumphs...and you, my friend have plenty of it.

She will suffer..but her first decision, the gut feeling is the one I would take. Get rid of that SOB and get on with your lives...lives together worth living and enjoying....and you have a holiday booked to look forward to!!! Very clever of you both!!!

Please send her my best wishes and prayers....the same goes for you, You both deserve them.

Hi Jack

You are doing lots to help already. We are still undergoing diagnosis, but I said to my husband last night well, at least these last few months have shown how much I love you! He will never need to doubt that I am sure. She will know how much you love her too. You are by her side at a very difficult and frightening time, thats all she needs.

I have tried to help my husband by being at every appointment and coming on to this forum (branchial cyst is my usual home) for insider info from the experts - our friends who have first hand experience. Its brilliant for filling the gaps. I use some info to reassure him, and keep the more worrying things to myself. You can vent, panic and ask on here as much as you like without causing her any distress whatsoever.

Take one step at a time, you are gathering info at the mo and it is very stressful because of the waiting. And whatever you do, keep cuddling her to bits!

Best to you both

Lisa xX

Hi Jack

It is not suprising that Deborah is questioning if she has made the right decision.  I am sure she has but it is something that I think you would questions whatever decision you make.  The nearer the date gets the more she may question her decision.

You are doing all you can to support her which will be a great help.  I think you are right to think that the op will be the end of the illness.  You can cross any other bridge if you are faced with it but it is useless to worry about something that probably will not happen.

I know what you mean about keeping the emotions locked down.  It is not easy but I think the best course as otherwise you can get on a downward spiral which is not easy to come out off.

Keep positive and keep up the hugs.

Very best wishes for 01 April and do post to let us know how it goes.

Gill

Thanks guys. It can be quite overwhelming and there is no escaping it really. She got a card from her mother the other day just to say she was thinking of her... the postmark was something about prostate cancer! It came in the same mailshot as the bag for the breast cancer awareness clothing collection, and a letter from Marie Curie Foundation as well...

Last night I go home from work and she's watching a film called PS I Love You, about a woman who is struggling to cope after her husband dies of a brain tumour.

I suppose a couple of months ago such things would have gone unnoticed but now... you know sometimes you buy a model of car you've never had before and all of a sudden you notice how many of them there are on the road...

I look on facebook and everyone is doing a no-make-up thing for breast cancer... you cannot hide from it even if you want to.

I have a lot of making up to do anyway. A few years ago I had let others dictate my time to the extent that I was giving all my time to others and none to her. She genuinely thought I didn't want her, but I was just desperate to spend time with her but had foolishly committed myself to so much other stuff and didn't want to let anyone down. I was caught up in a horrible situation of my own making and desperately wished the world would just stop for five minutes so I could get off.

Then I smashed myself to bits in a car accident and came pretty close to not pulling through, were it not for the expertise of the surgeons at Dorchester. She was there for me, every night, sometimes twice a day, and when I went home in a wheelchair she had bought a bed and put it in the living room for me, and she is only small... She came home from work every lunchtime, sacrificing her breaktime just to make me a cup of tea, until I told her that I could manage and she must have her breaks.

She will be in hospital for up to a week perhaps - I was in for five weeks which must have been awful for her, knowing how I feel about her being away for five days.

I'm sure we will be fine. Out of every apparently bad situation has come something positive for us - even after my accident I was able to stop doing lots of stuff that was keeping me from my family and didn't restart it when I got better.

It's difficult to see how getting breast cancer is ever a good thing, but after sustaining 15 fractures, spending six months in a  wheelchair, six on crutches, and six with a stick, I would not change what happened to me. I have slowed down, we go places just for the sake of it - just to sit in a pub or a cafe and have a coffee with each other - on long car journeys I would never stop - now it isn't really that important to me anymore to finish a journey, since as long as I'm with her, I'm happy. There has been a lot of adversity during our time together, but it has always proved to be an opportunity for something better. It is difficult this time to have faith that this will be the same, but not impossible. I'll be there for her as she was for me, and for the same reason.

She is the absolute love of my life. I loved her the minute I saw her. For weeks afterwards, every time I saw her I couldn't breathe, my legs went, I felt sick. When she smiles at me it's like a sunny day punches me in the face. It's been 16 years and I don't feel any different (although I don't feel sick anymore when I see her, which is probably a good thing...)

I suppose you can either turn your back to the wind or stand up and look into the face of the storm.

We have each other to lean on.

I'm sure we'll be fine