Hi Sara,

Great to hear from  you again but please don't feel bad about not posting on here for a while. The main thing is you are coping better than you were.

My youngest grandson asked my son why I am called granddad. He replied well a grand means a thousand so he now tells me I am over a thousand years old thanks to my son. Every time I see my grandson I say hello young man and he replies hello old man, cheeky little guy.

I hope you and Rhys are keeping well. When it comes close to the anniversary, Please promise me you will come back here for support for it is bound to be a painful time.

Do take care best wishes, Brian.

Hello everyone

I hope everyone is ok? It's a very tough time for me at the moment as it's a year on the 22nd March that my lovely John was taken away from me. I am feeling all sorts of emotions and I was dreading this day. I could do with a bit of cheering up really as I battle through the days. I feel so alone and I am finding it hard to express my feelings to my family (they think I'm doing ok). I am at work and trying to keep things as normal as possible but I don't know what to do on the actual day. I can't go to John's parents and sister as they haven't spoken to me for over 6 months. I don't know why as I haven't done anything wrong. Of course I have my lovely Rhys to keep me going and smiling, he has started to get upset for John now as I think he's finally realised that he isn't coming back.

I think the best way for me to cope is let the day wash over me and I will do whatever feels right. I hope I will start to feel a bit better once the month of March is well and truly over.

Take care everyone

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah,

Can understand that the next few days will be tough for both of you. Your emotions are bound to be in turmoil, for anniversary's, birthdays, Christmas are bound to be times when you feel your loss  more than normal. Do you have friends you could  go out with or arrange a special day out with Rhys on Saturday? Just something out of the norm to take you mind off things. So to try and help raise a smile I am attaching a picture.

Take care Sarah, I will be thinking of you, Brian.

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Hey there, I'm new today, but reading your story prompted me to say hi. I too lost my husband, not to cancer but heart attack. His name was also John. He died June 12th 2008. Love, I know the pain seems unbearable at this moment in time and I truly understand when you say you want to join him, I had those feelings too.

I coped by remembering the good times, we had. Like the time he took me to a hotel, proposed ( after 8 years) then told me I had 3 weeks to arrange a wedding as he's booked it all !

Darling, I'm almost 6 years on now, I have remarried a very kind and caring man, I met him at Gatwick! So, please don't give up, make sure you talk about him, even when your alone, write your feelings down in a diary, and remember how much he loved you, all these things are important. You will feel better with time, time isn't a healer, whoever said that is wrong, with time you learn to cope. Yo will start to laugh again, and that's ok, you will start to enjoy life again.

I wish you well

Dor xx

Hi Sarah

I am lucky in that I have not lost anyone that close for many years but I can understand that anniversaries and birthdays are even more difficult that the normal days.  I know an acquaintance who lost her husband at Christmas 2012 and last year she took their son to Lapland over Christmas because it was something so different.  I am sure as Brian suggests that doing something out of the ordinary with Rhys would help both of you.

I can only think that your late husbands family have not been in contact as they probably do not know what to say to you.  They hve each other for support and perhaps forget that you need that as well.

It does get easier over time but it does take a long time for the pain to lessen,  I lost my father over 30 years ago and still think of him athough now I cam remember the good times and forget the illness and how debilating that was for him.

Very best wishes.

Gill

Hi Sarah

Sorry I seemed to have missed your post (do not browse as much as I should).  Please do not beat yourself up about not posting regularly but just know that your virtual friends will be happy to talk any time you want contact.  I am sure little Rhys will respond to your love and care as you are there for him but no doubt there are added emotions of having to deal with your own emotions during this anniversary of John's death.  I am so sad to read that John's folks have withdrawn from contact with you and am sure you  have done absolutely nothing wrong and that perhaps that are just lost in their own grief.  Keeping busy at work does help a little to occupy us during difficult days but sharing your real emotions with your family, though maybe initially difficult, I am sure they would be there for you and it would be added support to both you and little Rhys but you need to go with your own personal needs(gut feelings!) during this grieving journey and remember there is no time limit on how long this is.  March is a time of reflection for me as my Dad passed six years ago earlier this month and in my situation now I often draw on his wise words which are good memories to hold on to.

Look after yourself and it was good to hear from you. Sending virtual hugs   Jules xx

Hi everyone

Thanks to you all for your lovely comments. I did go away for the weekend when the anniversary fell and to be honest I did feel ok. I had lots of my friends around me and even managed to raise a glass for John. I could lean on all of my friends throughout the weekend and I was never alone. I know that John wouldn't want me to be upset for too long so I tried to enjoy myself. Now I feel like the black cloud has lifted and I am feeling better.

Anyway I will endeavour to keep coming on here as it's a wonderful forum site and it has certainly helped me through darkest days.

Take care everyone

Sarah xx 

Hi Sarah

Good to see your update and it was great that you had your friends around you during John's Anniversary weekend.  Nothing better than being able to share your feelings with those who know you well and being able to relax and enjoy it.  Sending hugs to you and Rhys who is no doubt on Easter break now so a few busy weeks ahead.  Look after yourself. Jules xx

Hi Sarah

So glad to hear that your weekend went well and that you feel a little as thought the cloud is lifting.  It will not be easy but it will continue to get better.  You never forget but it does get easier.

Very best wishes.

Gill