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Loss of Mam

Ruth21
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I've just recently lost my Mam to ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed two years ago but done quite well for a good while after chemo. She was such a strong woman and fought it till the very end. I keep replaying over and over again how awful the disease was and how the last couple of months played out especially the last couple of weeks before she passed. The deteriation was horrendous and I don't seem to be able to get it out of my head. Has anyone else experienced this and any advice how to deal with it. Thanks 

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    Hi Ruth21,

    I am so sorry to hear that you've recently lost your Mam and offer my deepest condolences. I lost my Mam 28 years ago, after a horrendous 12 year battle with breast cancer, which eventually spread to her brain, bones, liver and lungs. Like you, I could not get the picture of her last months and especially the last few weeks out of my head. I kept a photograph of her in happier times in a prominent position at home and often found myself talking to her as I passed it. This memory stayed with me for several years, no matter how I tried to erase it. I have since learned that this is a common problem for many who have lost a loved one.

    I have tried to concentrate on earlier memories with her since she passed and am glad to say that these have now taken precedence. I try not to dwell on this final spell, as it is so upsetting. I am not saying that it will take 28 years to come to terms with this, but it is something that we all do in our own time. I sincerely hope that you will get there eventually and I wish you the strength to do so.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hi Ruth21,

    I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your Mam to this awful disease. I lost my Mam to ovarian cancer 12 years ago. Mam started with back pain on Christmas Day & it worsened into the New Year. Our GP sent her for scans & she was officially diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer - secondary mets to the spine. Within one week, after one session of radiotherapy on the spine mets, she collapsed & was paralysed from spinal cord compression. She came home after 3 weeks in hospital, care & equipment were in place but after 10 days she was taken back into hospital - the medication almost caused a diabetic coma. She was so upbeat throughout it all, for my dad's sake more than anything we think. She was stoical & pragmatic and said she'd had a good life. She slowly faded into unconsciousness and four days later she passed away with us all around her, 4 months to the day from her first symptoms. 

    The only advice I can give is to take one day at a time and don't be afraid to cry when you need to. I think the mother/daughter relationship is the strongest bond and the hardest to deal with. My Mam was a healthy, fit 77 year old who was still climbing fells with my dad. I think of her everyday and am thankful that I had such a wonderful Mam and I take comfort in that. Time doesn't heal but it helps to soften the difficult memories and focus on the beautiful ones.

    Be kind to yourself, your Mam would want you to live life to the full,

    Angie x

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