Being insecure about cancer

The fact that I used to have cancer at a young age, makes me feel insecure, because people make jokes about it and can use it to make fun of you,  growing up I always use to ask myself “oh why me?” and things like that, anytime someone tells me they have had cancer I get so happy, not because it happened to them too but because it makes me feel like I’m not the only one who had it. I believe that cancer was one of the bad things that have ever happened to me, because I can’t believe I had a disease, and how it makes my life so bad, and I didn’t know what I did do deserve it because I am such a nice and a pretty innocent person,  I still feel so sorry for myself, and I feel like I can’t tell people without laughing or them making fun of me about it, unless I trust them enough to. Although, people consider cancer as “normal” or “common” and I don’t believe that, and I believe that some people don’t believe it is either because they make jokes about it and people find that someone having it is funny because you loose your hair and that which is what makes it a bad thing. No one likes cancer, that’s why I’m so insecure that I even managed to get it, when I believe I didn’t deserve to get it and wish I didn’t get it in the first place. 

  • I also don’t even like it when people mention the fact that I had cancer like my parents or sisters to doctors or to other people, especially when doctors ask me if I had it and I have to answer them when they already know because it is on my records. 

  • Have you considered having some counselling sessions? I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination but I wonder if you might benefit from talking things through with someone. Just a thought.

  • Offline in reply to SFUC

    Yes counselling sessions only from my local GP to be honest but I don’t think they can do it for me, why do you think that’s a good idea

  • Offline in reply to Annas.F

    Macmillan offer counselling sessions which may have more relevance for you - it may not but as an absolute non-expert you sound to me as though you're still trying to process your original diagnosis. The idea that cancer could or should only affect people who are somehow unworthy e.g. not kind, not nice, not innocent is one you might want to explore. Only a lay person's opinion. I have 2 unrelated types of cancer and rather than "why me" I'm more likely to think "why not me"!

    I'm probably considerably older than you and have always had a glass half-full mentality. As Craig Revel Horwood might say, it's only my opinion but, in my case at least, it's being offered in a friendly spirit.

    I wish you well.

  • Hi Annas.F,

    I agree with SFUC about looking into counselling to explore your feelings towards a cancer diagnosis. I think having cancer at a young age also brings another set of challenges with trying to come to terms with everything after treatment has finished. I was 30 when I got my diagnosis and one of the things I found quite difficult was finding other people my own age that had gone through a similar experience. I came across Shine which is a cancer support charity for young adults (aimed at people in their 20s to 40s) which might help if you’re wanting to connect with other people that have gone through something similar? 

  • Yes sure, thanks for suggesting that’s a great idea