Hi Alice, 

I am so sorry to hear about your mum's stage 4 cancer diagnosis - it must be devastating for you to have found out that it has spread everywhere and she has been given just months to live. It is obviously a heart-breaking experience for you and it's normal that after looking after everyone and keeping strong, the emotions and feelings you have been bottling up  can suddenly become overwhelming. The loneliness you describe is something many of our members will be able to relate to as well as feeling lost and scared and not knowing what to do. 

Our website has valuable information for Friends, Family and Caregivers with some good tips on how to support someone with cancer but also a section on taking care of yourself which is also very important as feeling well in yourself and recharging your batteries when you need to will help you cope better on a daily basis with seeing your mum so poorly. If you feel you are struggling, don't hesitate to get in touch with your GP and tell them how you have been feeling recently - they are there to listen and to give you some good advice so you can be stronger and feel better in the coming days and months. 

I hope that you will speak to someone soon about this and that you will hear from other members of our community who have been through something similar before, who perhaps have also had a parent diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and who know exactly how you may be feeling at the moment. 

We're thinking of you, your mum and your family during this difficult time and we wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Alice,

I am so desperately sad to hear your news. Feeling lost and scared is ok, it's such a shock and you will need time to process.

in my experience, which is unfortunate to say, I lost my best friend to ovarian cancer 2 and a half years ago, and my dad has just been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer (which has all happened within a week, with still a few more tests before palliative care options a week on Thursday) 

everyone deals with this anticipatory grief in their own way, I would advice if you can to speak it through with a therapist or one of the wonderful support lines through cancer research or macmillan - I found this very helpful. I'm a psychotherapist, and I had therapy while processing the anticipatory grief of my bet friend, it didn't change what was happening but it was a safe space to let it out - the pain.

if it helps, I get waves - when I'm busy I feel more able to cope, my dad is being very pragmatic and positive - so I'm trying to take my lead from him. Then I get a wave of pain, that my heart feels like it's breaking .....anxiety / worry / fear / loneliness ....sometime it's helpful to talk to friends / other relatives and sometimes I find it very unhelpful ....

sending lots of love x