Ahhh, the anger and frustrations. I've been there and completely and utterly get where you are coming from. When faced with this, it's very difficult to see any light and the end of that very dark tunnel. I struggled, and struggled badly with not only the diagnosis my wife had received, but also from her mood swings. I learned the reasons were multifaceted, and not down to one thing. The drugs she is on can cause horrendous mood swings as can the shock of being faced by your own mortality. A cancer diagnosis can change anyone. Never take it personally because even though, it's difficult not to at time, it really isn't down to anything you have done or said. My wife was an absolute nightmare the 3 days after each chemo because the steroids made it so. During those 3 days, i went for walks. If you are struggling, you need to remove yourself from that situation because it's all too easy to say something very regrettable in the heat of the moment. Yeah, walking was my outlet.

As for feeling inadequate supporting her. Too many people overthink this part, i did too. You can't control anything, you can't make her illness go away, so don't try to be superman. You often see "how can I help my wife/husband/friend" posts the internet over, and seriously, the best help you can give your wife is to simply listen to her and she will tell you if she needs anything. I was so overbearing in my need to help my wife in the beginning that all i achieved was annoying her, and truth be told, i began to annoy myself. Accept you can do nothing unless she asks, and you'll shift a weight from your shoulders. The more you're in her face, the more she will retreat and less likely she will ask you for help. JUST LISTEN TO HER. It's the best advice i was ever given. Don't be the overbearing husband. You won't win that battle and it's wasted energy.

I think you need to talk to someone too. You sound almost defeated and barely keeping your head above the water. If you have a Maggies, they have drop in centres that both patients and carers can use. There you will meet people that have been in your position. But before you can look after your wife, you need to look after yourself. You matter too.

Hello  Rossco1955,

                                  Cancer only visits the one person but spreads to those around them. In many ways it is easier for the sufferer to cope than those who carry the burden of looking on. ProfBaw is spot on when he asserts that you need treatment as well as your wife, mental and relaxation therapy to help you through your torrid journey and l can attest that a MAGGIES centre is an excellent place to start. The only certainty is that you are in for the long haul and of little help if you fall into the trap of isolation and letting your own wellbeing suffer,

Best wishes,

                      David

Hello, I'm new here, my step mother has just been diagnosed with colorectal cancer, spread to her lungs. I'm still processing what that means. She's had a stoma fitted already. It's really hard to know what to do or say. I'm fighting my own emotions about it, trying to be organised and a solid rock of support. We only lost Dad a year ago, and that was a shock, plus Bowel cancer with mets to stomach and liver are what killed my Mothet before this wonderful lady came and fixed our family. I feel inadequate too, but know deep down, we are not. The fact you're on here shows how you care for her. I wish you love and luck.