I am currently fighting breast cancer....I had abreast surgery for a lumpectomy on my right breast in January, they said initially they had removed it all, good to get back to life.....not a chance.....they said then that they wanted to send my tumors off to the USA for the oncotype DX test which returns in 2 weeks to see if I need chemotherapy or just luckily jump straight to radiotherapy, they were very sure radiotherapy would be all I needed along with hormone replacement pills ....I had just got engaged and said I would wait to book my wedding if this was the case to be sure.

I was then told after returning after the 2 weeks that my rest hadn't returned and that I should go ahead and book my wedding as they feel I should be good for radiotherapy.....they booked me in for another 2 weeks....no results still booked again for another 2 weeks but then suddenly they wanted me to go through chemotherapy options and sign the paperwork for it.....well....this wasn't even a thought on the last appointment....so this scared me....deposit paid down for the wedding, photographer, venue stylist paid for cake deposit made and dress bought etc.....well.....it appears that apparently my tumors were not sent off and would never be, as my cancer was grade 3 stage 3...I would definitely need chemo.

I was devastated.....as anyone is.....I was told this on the phone whilst I was checking for my results...I was then asked on a Friday this is, to nip to hospital as they want to take my bloods for me to start chemo on the Monday!....well....this went down like a lead balloon as you could imagine as I now had 3 days to prepare for chemo and was on the phone listening to this news whilst out with my fiancé and children looking for flower girls dresses and suits in the middle of town! I broke down and must have looked rediculous crying in the middle of town with my family...

Now when they were getting me to sign the chemotherapy paperwork a couple of weeks prior they stated that I'd be on mild chemo and would be ok for the wedding and the side effects I shall be used to by then....3 cycles 21days apart of Epirubicin and cyclosporine, and 3 cycles of T doxetacel.....I had no idea what this was but when I turned up at the hospital chemotherapy daycase....I was told it was the red devil chemo for the first 3 cycles and to be prepared for losing my hair and energy and lots of bone and joint aches.....fun times!

Well I lost so much hair in sections I ended up buying a wig...still got a wedding day to go ahead with....and thankfully after my third cycle lost a few lashes but nothing major and a few eyebrow lashes...I can cope with this.....but the bone aches joint aches and feelings worthless with no energy past midday on the daily I was not doing well.

I found out that it was best to take my injections for the five days at night time as I was feeling super tiered and ready to sleep, after taking ibuprofen and paracetamol and waiting for it to kick in prior to giving myself the jab, then laying down to sleep the injection off....I did this from cycle 2 and now 3. This worked for me but meant I woke up with a headache and sore breasts from surgery spots and scars...throbbing all over and body weakness to the fullest....I have 2 young children to wake up and get ready for school Mind you....so this took its toll for sure.

I am now 6 weeks away from my wedding day and 2 weeks away from my first of 3 doxetacel cycles to end my chemotherapy. 

I am so scared.....how am I going to cope for my wedding....how am I going to be able to cope with my kids....and I am seriously wondering if I am going to be able to just cope in general reading all the side effects, this red devil chemo has killed me....and boy have I struggled daily to just do washing pots cook n clean...

I feel mood swings are a major issue for me right now I go from not talking for long periods of time to just not being able to smile through funny things etc....is this normal? Is this going to get worse? Sore mouth...check.....loss of taste....also check....my breasts were healing nicely but daily they feel so sore again it's shocking.

Any tips of how to make my doxetacel cycles easier on me would be greatly appreciated xx

I've been with my man for years and this wedding is long awaited, but I don't want to be struggling with everything but all paid for now! 

I'm so scared it's rediculous and worry how I will cope, I just wanted to share my story and thank others for being very honest with us about everything they're going through.....we're not alone....others are dealing with much worse and we have a lot to be grateful for I get that....but my scared levels for this next 3 cycles is scaring me more than when I was told I had cancer and needed to lose half my breasts to get rid of it. 

It's nice to get this all of my chest and sorry again for the rambling....

It's great to have a forum like this to just be honest about my thoughts and feelings.....love to you all! Don't give up! We got this! We shall prevail and eventually be us again! ️ ️