Hi Motherwell 

Welcome to the forum. You must be very worried about your mum and the need to be seen as a priority is uppermost in your mind, which is perfectly normal.

Unfortunately the NHS is running on empty and this is having an impact on all areas. I had to wait 4 months for breast cancer surgery, and another 5 months before I started radiotherapy. 

So I think your mum's surgery was quick, it also takes time to get the pathogy back from the lab, so waiting a month is not too long either, especially when a multidisciplinary team meeting will be required before meeting with your mum. 

I would try and change the narrative for your mum as she needs to believe that the cancer specialists have her back, it won't help her to think they have written her off, I personally don't believe they have. 

Everything will come into focus in the next meeting as a treatment plan will be discussed,with decisions having to be made. 

Best wishes x

Hi Motherwell 

Welcome to the forum. You must be very worried about your mum and the need to be seen as a priority is uppermost in your mind, which is perfectly normal.

Unfortunately the NHS is running on empty and this is having an impact on all areas. I had to wait 4 months for breast cancer surgery, and another 5 months before I started radiotherapy. 

So I think your mum's surgery was quick, it also takes time to get the pathogy back from the lab, so waiting a month is not too long either, especially when a multidisciplinary team meeting will be required before meeting with your mum. 

I would try and change the narrative for your mum as she needs to believe that the cancer specialists have her back, it won't help her to think they have written her off, I personally don't believe they have. 

Everything will come into focus in the next meeting as a treatment plan will be discussed,with decisions having to be made. 

Best wishes x

Thank you so much for your trouble in responding to this. You're right, I will try to challenge her belief, as she's been very depressed, and it's obviously not helping to see them all as the enemy. Thanks for your advice. I hope you're o.k.,  you're obviously going through it yourself, take care. Best wishes to you, and thanks again for your response.

Hi, I'm doing fine, unfortunately mental health services are not there for many with cancer. My advice is to search for support for both you and your mother. Thankfully the charity sector has lots of help available and would be a good idea if you could get in touch with them ASAP.

I sought help from Maggies (advice) the Haven (counselling) and Macmillan (alternative therapy - reflexology, massages etc). I'm in Scotland so don't know what is available in other parts of the country. I know Breast Cancer Now has a "someone like me" scheme, I haven't used it but looks good. There are also charities that supply "gifts" 

https://somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk/

https://www.treatmentbag.co.uk/

https://www.littlelifts.org.uk/get-a-box/

These may help with mum's low mood. 

You should, if you haven't already, make sure your mum is getting all the benefits she's entitled to, are you caring for your mum? If so make sure you're getting relevant benefits and support from carer's association and local authority e.g. Wet room, home adaptions etc. 

We are always here to help you, don't be a stranger xx

My father has stage 4 prostate cancer, he is 74. We get no support whatsoever either from his Dr or Marie Curie, it is like he is just being left at home to die. He has a chemotherapy injection every 3 months which is suppose to be monitored but it's not and the side effects are pretty bad. He's suffering mental health issues, crying all the time, hot sweats, anxiety. His Dr prescribed Diazapam for a month but then said he couldn't have them anymore because they are addictive...he's dying and in pain for god sake ! He now has insomnia which just exasperates his other issues. I literally had to beg for palliative care. He developed lymphodema in his legs which were literally just bandaged up by nurses once a week. He has no help from social service apart from the offer of a weekly visit for a bloody fee !. It's just absolutely soul destroying how people are just being left to die in their own homes.  McMillan/Marie Curie have been no help whatsoever. I have to ring them pleading for help just to be passed around different people and departments. I'm at my whitts end and don't know what else to do. It his heart wrenching to see him in so much discomfort just waiting to die. I see adverts all the time for McMillan and how caring they are...we are here for you !...we see non of that. I'm assuming his last week of life may trigger some response from them but until then I am being paid £75 per week to be his Dr, nurse, Councillor, cook, cleaner, shopper and all other manner of things. He's my dad and I just do it but if I calculated how much it would cost the NHS to do what I do it would be a hell of alot more than £75 pw. I can't work and have no life because I'm mentally drained. 

Thank you so much

T Taylor I am so sorry. My grandfather passed from prostrate cancer,  years ago now,  and I know that my mum's experience of caring for him was similarly distressing to yours. It is awful, and interesting that other elderly people feel that they're being treated as less because of their age. I'm so sorry for both you and your dad. Much love to you both, I'm in the same boat and completely at sea so I'm not much use for advice!..but I hope someone's genuinely able to advise and/or help you both.take care, best wishes and prayers for your poor dad.much love, I'm so sorry 

Hi Motherwell. Thank you for your kind words. I realise there are so many other people in my situation and it's just a horrible. My dad has started to give me his treasured things which makes it even worse for me, it is like a wound that can't heal. Every day I am back to caring for him, crying and going home exhausted because there is no support. He wasn't the best father to me growing up but I am all he has now. My Mum and Grandma passed years ago so that leaves just me and him. I sometimes wish he would just pass away in his sleep so he is not suffering anymore which also makes me feel guilty thinking that about my own father. It's just a vicious circle of upset and hurt. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your father and the lack of support you are receiving at this incredibly difficult time T.Taylor.

As you can see from the replies you have received already, our community are here for you, but if you would like to discuss this further with one of our cancer nurses you can do so on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. They are really easy to talk to and will do all they can to help. If it's easier, you can contact them via email instead.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

T Taylor God bless you. It's weird, because my mum was the same with her dad he really wasn't the best dad to her but it was only her that used to look after him at the end. She used to have the same thoughts as you. They're perfectly normal. You're lovely to do what you do, please don't add an additional guilt on yourself. I feel guilty about mum all the time, should I ask more questions of the nurse, should I do more, if I snap about something I feel awful and the worse. Please try to go easy on yourself, and take care. I'm sure your dad appreciates you. None of us are perfect people are we. Much love, I really have you both in my prayers. Take care xxx

I’m  so distressed to hear the journey that elderly cancer patients are experiencing. It’s heartbreaking because each elderly citizen has made a significant contribution to society and it’s scandalous they are ending their days in despair.

As a carer for my mum l feel the pain and mental anguish that family carers suffer. It’s overwhelming, emotionally exhausting and frustrating. 
Surely in 21st Century Britain we can do better. 
l want my mother to thrive as long as possible and it seems so unfair that she went from tests that said she had no signs of cancer to a terminal diagnosis in 4 weeks. 

We are left devastated by services that don’t seem to join up. The result is my incredible Mother is now dying. I wish all the people on this thread some peace. Wish l could give you all a hug  

Thelma awww Thank You. Love and hugs to you too. Best wishes to you and your mum and family. Pease take care of yourself. Mum and me are going to find out what's happening tomorrow morning, so it's very  difficult. Thanks for your kind words. Much love and prayers to your mum, and you. Xxx