Hello Maxwell111

I'm sorry to hear about your partner's mother and that your partner finds it difficult to talk about your future together as a result. 

If I'm reading your post correctly, you've been with your partner for 3 years, and in that time they've never felt able to have a conversation about the future because of their mother's diagnosis. If I'm correct then I can certainly understand your frustration and I don't think it's unrealistic to want to feel that you can talk about marriage, children, life goals. 

As we are a cancer support forum and your problem relates more to your relationship with your partner, you might find it helpful to have a look at the Relate website and maybe get in touch with them for some more specialised advice and support. 

I do hope that you're able to find a way forwards. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi Maxwell,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am sorry to hear about your partner's mother. and the fact that her family cannot talk about the future. Many find themselves in this unenviable situation, but most would try to bring the wedding date forward, so that their parent can see them get married. It is important for a family to be able to discuss circumstances surrounding a cancer diagnosis. Do you think that it might be helpful for your partner and possibly other members of her family, to speak to a counsellor? People often find it easier to speak to a stranger about their feelings, than they do to a loved one. Many of the cancer charities nationwide offer free cancer counselling to family members.

This is a time for the family to make as many memories as they can with their mum, to put the bigger picture behind them and deal with things day by day, or even hour by hour, if need be. You are certainly not being ridiculous. All of the things you mention are important topics for a couple to discuss and I do hope that you manage to break through the wall of silence on these matters.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx