Hello Steel.A, 

I can understand why you are feeling distraught  and let down - it is so sad that your dad has deteriorated and been given only weeks or short months to live. Even though your anger is totally justified, you are right in saying that it is part of the emotions you are currently experiencing. You are probably feeling powerless, that there isn't anything you can do at the moment to change the way things are or to go back in time. I know it's really hard but try not to dwell too much on this feeling of anger and to focus on being there for your dad and making sure he is as well looked after as possible. 

I will now let some of our members who have been in a similar situation come and say hello and share their experience with you. It helps to talk to others who understand those feelings you describe and who may have felt the same way themselves before. 

We're thinking of you and your dad during this difficult time. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Sorry to hear your news, my Dads story is similar.

My Dad was cured of prostate cancer and signed off.

Then he started to suffer terrible headaches and then found out his kidney function had halved in two months. Instead of being sent for an urgent scan he was put down for a none urgent scan and given blood pressure tablets.

when symptoms continued he was eventually sent for the scan where they found out eventually that he had uterer cancer that had now spread to the bladder.

The kidney was damaged beyond repair so he had kidney removed, uterer and 20% of bladder removed in October last year. 
He didn't see anyone until Jan 5th the surgeon who was really pleased with his work and was super confident he wouldn't need anymore treatment. Unfortunately results weren't back so couldn't say 100% but at same time really positive.

24 hours later Surgeon rang with results and it was terminal. It has spread to the Lymph and the Vas. 
My Dad is going in today to see the oncologist but I can see a difference in him already.

All this could of been different if the GP had sent him for the urgent scan, we've been told by so many people at the hospitals that the fact his levels had dropped by half in a month or so was a red flag for a serious issue. 
 

My Dad is now facing end of life and since March last year we've hardly ever know where we are with it all. We get told some awful news and are then left to guess what's next until the next meeting sometimes months away. 
 

I feel angry and I have a right to be, he's only 64 we've been let down. Where surgery was needed it's been brilliant and swift so we've been lucky that way. But the care around it has been pretty none existent.

I totally understand how you feel and I don't think anyone should tell you otherwise. We can only try and not let it consume us as we need to be there for our families. 
 

We are all like pressure cookers and we need to vent or we'll burst. I lost two friends within months of each other a few years ago and I didn't let my emotions out.

I eventually ended up suffering with anxiety and was quite bad with it for sometime simply because I bottled things up. So be angry, be sad, try and be as positive as possible but don't ever keep everything bottled up. 
 

So sorry you are going through this and I hope everything goes as well as it can during this difficult time.

Hello Son1975,

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately my Dad lost his battle on the 1st December the only comfort I can find at the moment is knowing he is now way from the suffering and I got to spend the day with him before. I miss him so much and it is little things like settling in the evening and thinking oh ok give Dad a quick call. 
 

I m so sorry to read about your father. You feel so let down don't you as well as dealing with all your other emotions on top. I really hope things turn around for your father and you get some good news.

Best Wishes.