Cancer Research UK main site

Unsettling Thoughts

xirax
Offline

Hey

just want to get you guys oppinions. I'm stage4 esophogeal cancer and they cant operate so they only looking to control. I have been having some dark thoughts recently my thinking is even if they can control etc and keep me around for another 10 years (which could be constant treatments etc). is it fair on my familly cause if they kept me alive for another 10 years I still would only be 50 and they would still have to deal with the grief. Would it be better if It takes me quickly then my familly can grieve get it out their systems and my wife could move on with her life while she is still young to really enjoy it. I have the money side all sorted out so mortgage etc would all be sorted out and she would be well off. It seems possibly a better out come cause I dont want them to remember me as always in pain and having treatments etc.

Anyone else think this way or is it just me?

  • Offline

    Hi there trust me it's the way our brain works. My husband has stage four lung cancer and we're now four years on and when he's not well and I struggle to cope my mind goes to he darkest places. We cannot control our thoughts and  at least he moment you feel that's beat for your family but it's not because you're still here and although they may feel down some days most days they will thank God that they can see you, hug you and have a giggle over something silly, such is life.   Take it a day at a time. Live each one and enjoy the day,  watch the birds gel the am see nature change and keep family close. Everyone is here to help you through your toughest times. Rant at us we know how you feel. Carol x

  • Offline

    Hi im on palative care, was diagnosed Feb 2016 ,im on permanent treatment (tablets and 3monthly injections) I've got prostate cancer gone to lymph nodes spine ribs pelvis and a lung ,I had chemotherapy at beginning of treatment .if I hadn't had it I would have died that year ,as it is I've had a good life living and enjoying it apart from odd hickups with treatment and cancer rising.

    Sometimes I feel down but mostly im positive and sure , I've been looking after my darling wife, she has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's till lately when treatment has been rough .we still enjoy life despite problems ,got house done to make life as easy as possible for us both.. my wife has carers three times through the day.

    I'm just giving you my side of things as I Cancer survivor .

    I was still working,(metal fabrication and welding firm) till I had to retire to look after my wife.

    Billy

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    To you and all in these treat, thank you:-) 

    ive been struggling with my thoughts as well..my mind is like a popcorn machine, they come and they go..

    A day at the time..a day at the time...and Yoday I am okay.

    Be everyone, one day at the time.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.