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My mam is going to die from secondary cancer.

Sarah222222
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I have just been told my mam will die soon and has up too a year no more and could be less. I am 22 and she is 46 I have always lived with my mam she is the only parent I have I love her so much and can't imagine life without her and I am scared of how bad it will get soon the cancer is now in the brain and everywhere else in the body. I've been told to expect her to get worse has anyone been through this, I've never lost anyone before in my life so my mother i can't imagine it. Is there anything anyone would give me for advice on what to do with her before anything happens, what they wish they could say if they had a chance too, if grief gets better 

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    Hello I am similar in age to your mom and if I was in this position I would want to spend time with my children, eldest 27years doing something that we could smile about, the simple things but then for my 40th birthday we went to an animal event that had lots of Guinea pigs, we had a lovely time one I remember for the chatter and smiles. What would you want if it was the other way round,? How would you like to spend time. I am not sure if this helps any but saw your message earlier and couldn't leave it without a reply. Theres people who care and people who can support, take the best of care and catch as many 'moments' as you can to treasure. 

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    Hi so sorry ur going threw this... ur emotions must be all over the place... I totally understand as my dad has terminal  prostate cancer and his has spread fast he can't have chemotherapy radiotheraphy or op he got diagnosed in November last year unfortunately it spread fast lungs ribs bones back nd pelvis... nd we got the news it was terminal four days before Xmas....his care plan is in place to we.got told up to 2 years or shorter.... but he's going down hill fast hes in pain... yellow jauncie on his face... his face is drawn in etc... he's tired alot more I have to keep in my emotions from him its like I'm grieving for him already.... my advice to u is make memories if ur mam is up to it like cups of teas... if she likes to do jigsaws etc... what I got told about me dad just talk to him normal.. nd make memories u don't have to go threw this alone... I'm always around... even if u wanna message me privately... hopefully this helps u..easier said than done but be strong sending love to u nd ur mam xxxxx

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    Hi I am so sorry to hear of your sad news. I have now lost both of my parents to cancer. My mum in 2000 when I was 24 and now my dad 3 weeks ago. I am adult orphan and I am only 45. It's horrible and upsetting and all you can do is take each day. I would spend as much time with your mum as you can. Cherish the time you have left together. Just be there for her and keep her as comfortable as possible. Watching my dad wither away after having done the same with my mum was just horrendous but I comforted,  as much as I can be, by the fact that he was not in pain. The loss is overwhelming however. But you are not alone. We have all experienced grief and loss. Just be with your mum and talk about the good times you had. Have a few laughs if you can. I learnt to live with the loss of my mum and you will too ....it just takes time. 

  • Offline in reply to Kellzy21

    Thankyou I feel like I am grieving already to even though it hasn't happened yet so I can't Imagine  when she is gone it is a awful thought seems like it isn't real. But I will try do what you said about trying to make things normal and nice, with being in the lockdown it has been difficult to make memories so I am trying to think of ideas, cancer is just awful xxx

  • Offline in reply to Sarah222222

    Thats the hardest part of this we are restricted in what we can do... its so hard for us all in these situations.... and ask her what she wants too do even if its just sitting with a movie or looking at old photos or talking... big hugs xxxxx

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