I created an account to reply to your message because feeling scared about the future is a really horrible and lonely feeling. 
 

I'm 31 and I have delt with terminal illness twice before but am facing it again with my beloved nana who raised me, I find it difficult-I can't even imagine how much worse this would have felt at 15. I hope you don't mind this but I wanted to share a bit of advice and ideas of where to look if things get a bit overwhelming considering how recent your post is.

macmillian have a phone line 0808 808 00 00 8am-8pm seven days a week, you can get through to a nurse who can talk through anything you may be worried about. This may also help your mum if she has any worries about symptoms etc.

friends-this one is tricky, people never fully understand a situation until they have lived it, I've had some really unsympathetic friends who I've known since age 11 who previously I considered my 'best friends'. Sometimes people just don't know what to say or how to act, this doesn't mean don't talk about things (that's actually really important) but maybe also find a teacher at school who's been taught how to help people through difficult times.

the biggest thing-you don't always have to be ok. I have days where I cry in the shower (because I have little children and don't want to scare them) that's ok. I cry with friends, I cry with the nurse on the helpline. Some days I'm genuinely okay, and this is fine too.

I hope you don't find this too much but if my eldest posted on this (he's two years younger) I would like someone to reach out to him too.

virtual hugs...

Thank you for your words. I found out this afternoon my mums stomach lymphoma is now "fatal" as the dr put it. He wouldn't give a prognosis but chemo no longer an option and just steroids to help with any symptoms. I'm an only child and I feel my heart is breaking right now. I'm glad I found this thread. I just don't know what to do. X

Hi,

I'm very sorry for your mum. It sounds very similar to my experience. Although each experience is unique and individual. Unfortunately we have to accept what is going on. And again I aimed to be honest in this chat and sometimes the honest reality is not what we want to hear. But I am true to myself and share my honest true experience. I will not compare it to anyone else's as everyones relationship with their parents are different and the cancer etc is different. But nothing can prepare you for whats to come. My mum bless her fought for two years and I am proud of that. But even in those two years I could never have imagined the pain I am in. I also have a child on the way and would have been my mums first grand daughter and it kills me everyday knowing she will never meet my child. The pain and thought of having to go through a birthday without her or christmas or whatever it may be. It still doesnt feel real or right to organise my own mums funeral whilst trying to maintain a happy emotion and support for my pregnant partner.

Now again my advice would to just honest cherrish every single minute you can with your mum. Don't think each day like a clock just think what can we do today. What memory can I do today and just live each day the best you can. Then when the time comes I feel it will provide comfort knowing you did your best every single day. And trust me I know its a lot easier to sit here and say those words than actually doing it. I just try to give advice as some days as I was that upset or too down to even see my mum. I did most days but theres always that "what if" in my mind and regret.
 

If anyone needs to talk please do. Its horrible to bottle things up and cancer is a horrible horrible thing! Its *** :(

Hello, it has been a while.... I recently turned 18, the same age you were when you replied to my message. My mum passed away a few months after I sent that message in August 2021 and my life has been a blur ever since. I'm going to university this year and I hate that fact that life is moving on so fast with the only person I ever cared about frozen in the past.

I hope you are doing okay and I'm thinking about you.