I would just like to say I am so sorry what you have been through. U are so very young to of experienced so many heartbreaking events. 

Although I am not as young I can relate In someways. Cancer has taken, both grandparents,  my father in law.

My sister in law is currently battling it, as is my brother who has a brain tumor.

Most recently mum had breast cancer a couple of years ago. But fought it 

13 days ago she was diagnosed with incurable stage 4 bowel cancer. She is in her 'last weeks' 

I feel like I have already started to grieve her even though she is still here.  I'm annoyed at myself for feeling that way. 

I'm devastated at nearly losing her. She will be 60 next week. So still so young. 

It's so hard to even begin to express or accept feelings.

I too always think, why everyone around me. Why not me. 

But there is no wrong or right way through it. Everyone will be different.

I'm so sorry.

There is a huge comfort in talking on here with people who can relate x

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. We just lost our dad to colon cancer after being told in Feb he had weeks to live. I have a one year old child and think the same as yourself  

I am unbelievably sorry for what you're going through, you're experiencing true heartbreak at a very very young age and seeing your dad in that way must be truly heartbreaking.

I am no where near as young as you, but my mother passed away after an extremely short diagnosis of cancer, she was 55 years old. I understand the anger that you are feeling. Do you have some friends or family members you can lean on for support? If not, a grief counsellor may help, even during this period as you try to find a way to attempy to  understand what is going on.

I think grieving before your dad has passed is actually a very normal response, there are many people who have experienced this on the forum, and you will find that they are so kind and supportive (I have spoken to many that have helped me more than they know) so if you need support from here, please reach out.

Lots of love and strength for the coming days, weeks and months. You will be in my thoughts X

Hi, 

So sorry you're going through this and at such a young age. 
I was 31 when I lost my dad, I gave birth to his first grandchild 2 weeks after and had to go ahead with my wedding that we had pulled forward for him 5 months after so I know how you feel to some degree albeit older. 
 

We did nothing wrong, we got dealt an unlucky card, but that's why I come one here as it shows quite how many people have been given this sh*t life as well. Not just us, although it feels like it amongst family and friends where everyone seems to be happily sailing through life. 
 

I was the same, I spent hours, days crying, anxiety was through the roof with the anticipation of what was going to happen, how, when, how would I cope. But i did (2 years Monday). 
It's a real thing, it's called anticipatory grief. 
 

I actually think I cried more before he died than after. Don't get me wrong, I cried a lot after, but once the stress and worry of the above had actually happened it was like it was a weight lifted. 
 

You will be ok, I promise.