I can't imagine how u feel right now. I am so sorry. 

I'm right there with u with the ups and downs though. I feel I take a lot of deep breaths at the mo. Tears just keep coming without warning from no where. But then I guess it's constantly on our minds. 

She is on 2 types morphine. And a few others which are for clotting and toilet movements I think. 

She was given a big boost of antibiotics in the hosp to get her home. But the tablet ones stopped a couple of days ago. So maybe it's held the infection at bay for now.

In some ways she seems better, she doesn't seem as in much pain which is brilliant, and her speech is improving from the stroke.  But her thighs, tummy and arm have swollen. And she gets really slurry and bit confused in the evening. 

She is pretty much bed bound other then going to the commode next to her. But every other day she will want to walk to the living room. Coz she says she doesn't want to lose mobility. But it really takes it out of her. She has to stop many times and watching her really struggling to breathe. I can't help but just want her to stay in bed . But I know she needs to have these little Victorys herself. 

It's all so confusing.  As brutal as it sounds. I just think if she is walking and talking and eating. It's not today.... Does that make sense..? 

I don't think any of it makes sense at the moment.

That is a long time to wait for Ur mum's funeral. That can't be easy. Just take a day as comes. I'm sure theyl be up and downs. There's no wrong or right x

That is brilliant she isn't in as much pain, at least she is comfortable. most important thing for her at the moment. 

I love your mums spirit, and that she wants to still get up and go to the living room but i can see why it that is very destressing for you to see how much it is taking it out of her. 

I agree with you, and it makes a lot of sense that you feel that way. I think the hard thing with doctors giving timescales is that sometimes they are just not accurate, because each case is just so different, and you can end up mentally checking off the days in your mind. I know that i did that with my mum and I had to tell myself to just stop and enjoy the moments that I could. That is very, very unbelievably difficult though. 

I genuinely have so much sympathy for you, and I think your advice to me is perfect. You just sadly have to take each day as it comes, plenty of deep breaths, and remember to take care of yourself too. That is really important and definately what your mum would want for you. 

XXX

Hi Lmmrose.im too waiting .had urgent referral to pancreatic and bowel cancer unit, should be seen with in two weeks.

I'm know im in  a serious way and the symptoms are getting worse .

Hope all is well fir you.

Hi, aw bless her, glad she was able to see her 60th. Such a cruel world we live in and seeing our most precious people going through what they are. I get how you feel, I'm feeling the exact same way at the minute. My mum is in a very similar way to yours very tired etc. I hate the fact that we're just waiting, and seeing her suffering, she is in so much pain still. Mum is in week 2 of weeks.  Make sure you are eating and drinking well to keep your strength up. Xx