My mum is in the last days, I feel so unable to cope

Hi everyone

It's my first time here posting but I've read so many threads and hoping that people have some advice.

My mum has had a very short time between diagnosis and the time we were all told she has a few days to live.

She is really now becoming so unwell. She's in a hospice with days to live. I'm trying so, so hard to be grateful that I had this time with her, but I am also completely heartbroken. She's being so, so brave. And told me and my brother we are going to have to continue our lives, at the moment I can't see how I will do that. 

One moment, I feel positive and am thankful for the time that we had with her, she dedicated her whole life to raising me and my brother and for that I will be forever grateful but then at other times I'm struggling to breathe. It feels like a really bad dream that I'm desperatly trying to wake myself up from.

Seeing her in her hospital bed yesterday with us all around her with days to live at 55 feels unfair, and I'm utterly in dispair of the next coming months.

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this? I don't know if I'll be able to carry on. I feel angry becaise I don't feel people understand. My friends that I have told are trying to help, but whatever they say is just not enough right now. Is this normal?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Hi Newlife 

    I wanted to respond as I'm going through the same thing with my mum right now too. I'm so sorry you are going through this and I can completely understand everything you said. I feel my heart is broken into pieces and i cant see how I will ever feel ok again.

    All I can say is your mum will be thankful to have you around her at this time and try and be strong for her.

    I know there are no words that can take the pain away. Just take time for yourself and lean on those close to you.

    Massive hugs to you.

  • Hey KTGem

    I'm genuinely so sorry to hear about your mum. 

    It's absolutely horrendous, isn't it. No one prepares you for this at all. 

    Wishing you lots of love for the rest of your journey with this, I don't know about you but I'm trying to take hour by hour at the moment. A month from now seems to painful to even think about at the moment.

    x

     

     

     

  • This is truly the hardest and most heartbreaking experience of my life. Just dont know how I'm going to get through the coming days

  • It is truly heartbreaking, but I promise you, it won't be easy, but you will get through it. Your mum would want you to. 

     

    If you ever want to chat, I am here x

  • I am so sorry that you are going through this. I watched my mum lose her life to cancer 4 years ago now and am now battling cancer myself. I hated seeing my mum in so much pain so when she passed I felt glad her suffering stopped although I miss her still every day. There is no easy way to get through this and your mum is so young life just isn't fair. All you can do is be there for her and try and stay strong and possibly lean on other family members for support. What you are feeling is normal and it is difficult for your friends if they haven't been through it it's hard to know what to say. You being there for your mum is the best way of dealing with this. It's natural to feel angry and upset at the way this terrible disease takes hold of somebody you love so much. There is no right or wrong way of getting through this. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

  • Hi happydays29

     

    Thank you so much for taking the time for me, especially when you are on the journey yourself. I appreciate it so much. 

    It is so hard to watch someone you love deteriorate before your eyes, I almost feel bad for saying I wish it would just end for her, because I feel it would only be selfishness from me to want her to continue on for my benefit. Everything just feels very cloudy right now, I keep thinking this is a dream and I am going to wake up soon.

    I wish you so much love for your time ahead, I hope you get all the care and treatment you deserve. Take care of yourself x

  • I just wanted to reach out and say I am going through the same thing with my dad. We were told it was curable and then 3 weeks ago told he had weeks to live. He has deteriorated now and it's breaking my heart. I can't imagine my life without him, he was the best daddy and best grandad to my 15month old. Xxx

  • Hi, 

    My mum passed away 3 days ago, she was 68. She was really ill during her last few weeks but we found it really important to spend as much time with her, chat to her about life in general and say anything to her that we would regret not saying if she wasn't here. There were times when no one spoke and we just held hands, looked at magazines or cuddled. Although cancer is a wicked disease, sometimes it does give you a bit of time to have some closure and sort things out. My mum was a super mum and an amazing Nanny to my children, I just made sure she knew that before she died. You will cope because that's what we do but make sure you take time for yourself, make sure you talk about your mum as much as possible and know that she'll be super proud of you. All the best in the journey ahead, I think it's going to be a bumpy one but you and I (I hope!) will get there 

  • Thank you so, so much for this message. I found it unbelievably touching. 

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, but I am glad you managed to spend time with her and tell her everything that you wanted to, before you said goodbye. 

    Wishing you so much luck on your next part of this journey. I know your mum would be extremely proud of you trying to help others when you're going through an unbelievably tough time yourself. Lots of love x

     

  • Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss Newlife. I'm glad you got those precious moments with her that's something that will stay with you forever. Sending lots of strength your way xx