My twin brother will die of cancer tomorrow and I can’t cope

My twin brother was diagnosed with gallbladder and liver cancer in April of this year and unfortunately because it was not detected in time he will be losing his battle to this horrific decease. When we were children we were very close and when I was born with spina bifita and was in out of hospital at the age 12 my mum told me he was ill at the same time.

For circumstances out of my control, at the age 50, we had become estranged and I only got to see him at family gatherings. The last time I saw my brother was at my dads birthday party in February and previous before that time I had not seen him since November the previous year at my mums birthday. When I saw my brother in November I thought he looked unwell but at that time I was dealing with my own health issues but when I got to see him again in February at my dads party, he looked grey and his eyes looked yellowish colour. I came away with a strong sense he had cancer then. I mentioned to my other siblings about my concerns but no one listened to me and now we are were we are today. When he got diagnosed in April it was of no surprise.

i have been visiting him since he got diagnosed trying to encourage him to fight and doing all I can do to help him but unfortunately my help to him had to come to late. He is now in hospital on oxygen and morphine and is unresponsive. Although I said my goodbyes yesterday and have made my peace with him the thought of losing him is to much to bare. I have been worried about getting the call telling me his died and have been bed bound, vomiting and unable to eat anything of substantial as I feel I have no appetite. I don’t want him to die, I’m not ready for him to die and I don’t want him to be alone. I don’t want him in the mortuary. I don’t want him to be alone in heaven because no one in our family has I died.

How do I deal with the huge feeling of anxiety and dread?

Parents
  • Hi ...

    Oh my ... how wonderful you felt him as he passed ... I too knew the minute my mum died ... and know that feeling of calm you had .. but my heart goes out to you ...he will live in your heart now .. you will take him with you on your journey through life....

    It's a crying shame why everyone seems to fall out at funerals ... it makes me really sad ... if the one that passed could see it, they'd be heartbroken .. I was so so lucky when my mum and dad passed, us three girls never had a cross word .. we just walked together to say our good byes ... but so many don't ..

    Hold your head up high, and try not to get involved ... let them disagree ... your better then that .. and I'm sure your brother would be right proud of you now ... 

    Grief is a long process .. there's no right or wrong way to feel .. just go with however you feel at the time ...  try not to hold it in .. but if you still feel that sense of calm go with it too .. I felt it right through mum's funeral .. like she was saying I'm not there in that box, I'm right here by you .. 

    So whatever you feel that's o.k .. sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

     

     

Reply
  • Hi ...

    Oh my ... how wonderful you felt him as he passed ... I too knew the minute my mum died ... and know that feeling of calm you had .. but my heart goes out to you ...he will live in your heart now .. you will take him with you on your journey through life....

    It's a crying shame why everyone seems to fall out at funerals ... it makes me really sad ... if the one that passed could see it, they'd be heartbroken .. I was so so lucky when my mum and dad passed, us three girls never had a cross word .. we just walked together to say our good byes ... but so many don't ..

    Hold your head up high, and try not to get involved ... let them disagree ... your better then that .. and I'm sure your brother would be right proud of you now ... 

    Grief is a long process .. there's no right or wrong way to feel .. just go with however you feel at the time ...  try not to hold it in .. but if you still feel that sense of calm go with it too .. I felt it right through mum's funeral .. like she was saying I'm not there in that box, I'm right here by you .. 

    So whatever you feel that's o.k .. sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

     

     

Children
  • I'm so sorry to hear about your twin brother. It's so lovely that you felt his peace. Look at my post under dying with cancer. " I have seen where you go and it's beautiful ". This might make you feel abit better. It doesn't matter that your brother never knew your grandparents, they will know him and will greet him with love. That maybe why you sensed his peace, because he was relaxed and happy. All the best to you and your family. And yes it is very annoying when family argue over funerals :-(

  • Thank you for your kind words. Everything is so raw and every day brings a new load of emotions. I’ve never experienced death in our family, so to lose my twin has been a huge struggle. It’s really helped being able to chat on these sites as I live alone and nights seem to be a double edged sword. You look forward to going to bed as you don’t have to deal with what the day brings you, but then when your alone it creeps up on you and you feel Immense grief and sadness. 

    Thank you to all that have read and responded. So very grateful.