Hi there ...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... life and cancer is crule ... it must feel absolutely devistating... as your his twin ... and although you spent time apart, you both made your piece with each other ... no one wants to loose anyone we love .. but we all have to go through this at some time .. as sad as it is ... I'm sure there will be someone there to take him in their arms and help him on that last journey we all have to take ... weather it's a grandparent or someone who knew him .. or just an angel ... no one goes alone ...

It's gonna be heartbraking .. there's no way around it .. the pain we feel, is because we loved them .. and it's part of life, loosing and feeling grief ... but he'll always be tucked up in your heart .. your his twin .. your part of each other ... 

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

Thank you. That’s so kind for to have responded so quickly and especially at this time.  I can’t eat, sleep and generally function. Our family is so fortunate to not have lost anyone.  My mum has dementia and that’s as close as we have got to death because although she is here in body she is not in mind and mums the shadow of the women she was. It’s the only saving grace with this horrible decease that she does not understand we will be burying her son.

Your response was helpful and to know that an angel is will be waiting for him settles my mind a little. My brother is unlike me he is very shy and reserved and seeing as we both didn’t know our grandparents, he will just have to socialise with other people up there until one of us gets in heaven to join him.

I know it’s such early days but it’s so hard already. Wow I have never experienced such heartache.

At 4.50am whilst still awake I felt a huge sense of calm and peace come over me and it was out of nowhere. It was so unexpected as throughout the night into the early hours I had been having panic attacks and crying.  It’s not until my family had visited later in the day and that I was told my twin brother had died in early hours. I fell to bits and I crumbled. I thought up until then that I had experience the worse form of heartache but I had no idea how much pain your feels once your love one passes. When I finally settled from crying I was told he passed at 4.50am. I felt my brothers peace and I felt at one with him.  As twins he will always be part of me and I will always be part of him. I feel part of me is missing. 
I’m thankful for sites like this as my family are already arguing over funeral arrangements etc. I’m finding it so disrespectful and hurtful. Why do families do that? 

Hi ...

Oh my ... how wonderful you felt him as he passed ... I too knew the minute my mum died ... and know that feeling of calm you had .. but my heart goes out to you ...he will live in your heart now .. you will take him with you on your journey through life....

It's a crying shame why everyone seems to fall out at funerals ... it makes me really sad ... if the one that passed could see it, they'd be heartbroken .. I was so so lucky when my mum and dad passed, us three girls never had a cross word .. we just walked together to say our good byes ... but so many don't ..

Hold your head up high, and try not to get involved ... let them disagree ... your better then that .. and I'm sure your brother would be right proud of you now ... 

Grief is a long process .. there's no right or wrong way to feel .. just go with however you feel at the time ...  try not to hold it in .. but if you still feel that sense of calm go with it too .. I felt it right through mum's funeral .. like she was saying I'm not there in that box, I'm right here by you .. 

So whatever you feel that's o.k .. sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

I'm so sorry to hear about your twin brother. It's so lovely that you felt his peace. Look at my post under dying with cancer. " I have seen where you go and it's beautiful ". This might make you feel abit better. It doesn't matter that your brother never knew your grandparents, they will know him and will greet him with love. That maybe why you sensed his peace, because he was relaxed and happy. All the best to you and your family. And yes it is very annoying when family argue over funerals :-(

Thank you for your kind words. Everything is so raw and every day brings a new load of emotions. I’ve never experienced death in our family, so to lose my twin has been a huge struggle. It’s really helped being able to chat on these sites as I live alone and nights seem to be a double edged sword. You look forward to going to bed as you don’t have to deal with what the day brings you, but then when your alone it creeps up on you and you feel Immense grief and sadness. 

Thank you to all that have read and responded. So very grateful. 

Christie thank you so much for responding. I live alone so it’s kind that people check in on me in the day but it’s the nights when I feel the worse but with this site I am able to connect with like minded people and don’t feel all alone, so thank you very much.

Thank you that’s really kind and reassuring. 

I just read this post.

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss.

My twin bro lost his battle against his short term battle against cancer (42) in 2018.  I completely feel your pain.

I hope you are feeling some strength in the time since your brother passed.

Alan