hello , 

i used to google the final stages so i knew what to look out for when my dad was dying, we lost him on the 4th Dec, and in my dads case it was totally different he was drinking lots of milk id never known him drink pints of it, the day he died he was the same he drank 3 pints of milk, was slightly more agitated and in more pain, which we got controlled by the nurses.. i got a phone call at 4.50am from dads night nurse sitter to say he wasnt breathing .. i phoned my sisters to go confirm he had passed while i set off driving over myself, we all nursed him during the day until 10pm on a night then we had a night sitter nurse, anyways dad had passed he was smiling and looked so at peace, i dont think he would have let go with his kids round him he was a proud man, we had discussed with his doctor the day before his leg was sore and swollen, we think it was a clot and we think that was the cause of death along with lung cancer... dad was still very chatty but did sleep more, but other than having mottled skin on his legs and sleeping and not eating he had no other end of life signs.... we jut never know do we ?? its hard but i take great comfort that he passed quickly and in his sleep i just wish i was with him .. 

take care and take each hour as it comes x 

Hi Daddiesgirl,

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your dad. You have had a slightly different end of life experience than those above, which just goes to show how different this stage can be for different people.

It is not uncommon for someone who is dying to find a slot when nobody is around to pass quietly. As you rightly say, your dad wouldn't have wanted his family to witness his passing, peaceful though it was.

How are you coping with your loss?

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

hello 

im not coping at all to be honest im blocking out all my feelings and thoughts on my dad, we lost dads wife my lovely step mum 7 weeks before my dads passing so its had been a terrible time, 

im sorting out the estate at the moment so cant start to grieve for my dad or step mum i just keep ignoring the feelings and thoughts .. but i know whats coming and am simply not ready yet .. im going for councelling once everything is sorted 

he was so much fun to be with and i feel i spent proper quaility time with him i was there from 6am every morning for the last 7 weeks of his life and helped the nurses clean him and i did eveything for my dad.. we would talk about everything and put the world to rights ... i just simply miss him 

L x 

Hi Daddiesgirl,

You must find that even harder than we do, as you had a week less to prepare. Losing both parents so close together is hard. We lost my mother-in-law at the end of last September and my father in law at the beginning of February. They died precisely 4 months apart to the day. My mother-in-law was bedbound for 3 years and my father-in –law did everything for her. He was a broken man when he lost his love of 80 years.

We got him into hospital for assessment at the end of January. He was diagnosed with cancer throughout his body that afternoon. Six days later he was dead. We are all still reeling from the speed with which it all happened. Like you, we are now trying to sort out his estate. He too was a fun man to be with and a much loved Grandpa of his many grandchildren. I have known them for nearly 50 years and, both were like parents to me.

I am glad to hear that you were able to spend so much time together in his final few weeks. It sounds as if you were very close and able to talk about anything. This will make it more difficult for you now that he is no longer there to converse with.

Do you have a nice photo of your dad and step-mum? I have one of my mum, who died from cancer 21 years ago. I have often found myself talking to her and find this a great solace. I find that I don’t speak to her as often nowadays as I used to, although I still miss her every day. You will always hold a place for them in your heart, but it does get easier with time.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

hi 

thank you for the reply .. my step mum was only 72 and she passed on my dads 69th birthday so that was even harder for us all and unexpected.. dad found her and called me straight away, i think they were both too young to go .. i had a lovely canvas of them both together and smiling which i talk to all the time, i tell dad im annoyed at him for now being organised cos ive had loads to sort out because he said he had plenty of time to sort it all out before he became too ill. 

i miss them both so much 

Lx 

Hi Daddiesgirl,

Both of them were relatively young when they passed. It must have been an awful shock for your poor dad to find your step-mum unexpectedly.

I am glad that you have a good canvas of them both, which you can talk to. I know this sounds, like a daft thing to do, but I have found great solace in talking to my mum over the years. We got some professional pictures taken of the entire family at the time of my parent-in-law's 60th wedding anniversary. In these my mum has a wry smile on her face, as if she was challenging me to do something. Throughout the years, I have done my best to make her proud and, I feel when she looks like this there is a look of pride in her face.

We are facing the same situation with my father-in-law's estate. One thing that this has done is to give my hubby and myself a wake up call about our affairs. As soon as we've sorted the current situation out, we will have to look a little closer to home and get things in order there.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

thank you :) 

its just never ending at the moment .. going to try and take a break when its all over 

thank you :) 

its just never ending at the moment .. going to try and take a break when its all over 

Hi Daddiesgirl,

I know that feeling!

We are hoping to get a break after all this is sorted out too.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

i doubt it, ive spoke to my doctor yesterday and asked to reduce my medication which ive been on since dad got dianosed.. she said it was ok .. i just think the medication is numbing me and stopping me grieving .. only time will tell.. 

feel like i take 2 steps forward then 3 back so am getting no where and fast 

L x 

Hi Daddiesgirl,

It's good news that you are prepared to try and reduce your medication, but don't be afraid to go back for more if you feel that you cannot manage without it.

Thinking of you and hoping that you're successful.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx