Hello Eliza16,

My name is Mary and I agree with all that "helpinganeighbour" says. You absolutely must take care of yourself through all of this. You are being listened to. And you are not alone.

I myself am a Grandma who has been undergoing treatment for terminal cancer for a long time now. It has shown me that the prognosis is not always predictable because, after being given a "median" for my own disease of 6 months, I am still here and vigorous nearly 8 years later.

But it has also shown me that every day is precious, and that living and appreciating every day we are here is the only way to go. Nobody can predict exactly what will happen next can they? You and your mum will enjoy the time you have with your Grandad, and I hope it will be a good and long time for you all. 

Thinking of you, and would gladly chat more if it would help,

Huge hugs,

Mary

Hi Eliza,

So sorry to read about your Grandad. This may seem a strange question but has anyone in his care team actually used the word terminal? This is an important question as family members sometimes hear the words incurable, stage 4 or inoperable and assume this automatically means terminal. Sometimes it does mean terminal but not always. I had this problem with some family members who assumed I had terminal cancer because I was being given chemo to prolong my life with no prospect of it curing me.

Either way, being positive and making the most of the time you have with him is a good starting point. Looking after yourself and your Mum is very important, as is having time out to do normal things. 

Ask as many questions as you like, on here, of your family or of his care team. It is the questions that aren't asked that cause the most anxiety. I was pretty insensitive in the questions I asked (how long do I have if the chemo does or doesn't work etc.) but not everyone is comfortable with that and some people simply don't want to know what the most likely outcome is. 

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Eliza,

So sorry that you are all having to go through this. It's very hard, I have been where you are. All I can say to you is keep talking, cry and take one day at a time. Also, it is really important that you try and eat, you need to make that a goal. If you can't then consider getting some complan shakes, you mix them with milk. They contain vitamins and minerals and do usually boost your appetite. You can buy them in boots. This is important for many obvious reasons, but importantly when you do not eat your blood sugar goes down and you become more anxious and worried. If you can eat you need to be trying to eat carbs such as bread and potatoes. When I feel like that I have mash with a bit of cheese. If you eat little and often as you can this will help I promise. When you have no energy then the stress hormone adrenalin is produced which, like I said, just makes you more stressed. Even drinking milk will help. 

I know it's hard but Grandad hasn't gone anywhere so please try to concentrate on today and not what may or may not happen. You are doing so well. Finding this site and asking for help shows your strength. You got this Eliza. Everyone is here for you.

Thankyou for taking the time to reply helpinganeighbour visiting a GP is something I’m going to do as my mental health and well-being is important when going through this time and think this could be useful to my mum too :)

Thankyou for such a lovely reply Mary this has definitely made me feel better, sorry you are going through the illness but it is great to hear that you’re still fighting it and living your life to the full. I can only hope that I have as much time as possible with my grandad and will show him as much love as I can and as you said just take each day as it comes. 

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers Mary thankyou.

Hi Dave thanks for the reply, 

I havent directly spoken to the care team so I can’t be 100% but from what I gather and what other family members have described to me it sounds a lot like terminal cancer. I’m enjoying being on the forums here as it’s a community I can relate to and is making me feel much better about stuff as I can empathise a lot, but yeah I will continue to ask questions and discuss my feelings as you said it’s important! Very sorry you were/are going through chemo as I know it’s very difficult, will keep you in my thoughts and prayers :)

Thankyou for such a kind reply, yeah I need to remember not to close my emotions off and talk about things that I worry/ have problems with which is why I joined this forum as it’s very helpful. I have gotten some vitamins and stuff, but I appreciate the advice and will try to eat as much as I can as I understand it’s important  and if my loss of continues I will try the shakes! Yes my grandad is still here and very positive and I realise now I have to take days as they come and focus on what’s happening now and not in the future. I hope you are doing well, your support and message means a lot to me, wishing you all the best.

Hey Eliza,

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer today so I'm thinking of ways to cope. So far I've decided to try and accept what's going to happen will happen and I've been trying to distract myself by watching some stuff on YouTube. How have you been today?

Hello, so sorry to hear about your mum i know this must be such a difficult time for you, however hopefully your mum can go through some sort of chemotherapy to try and possibly get rid/shrink the cancer. So far I have been watching a lot of YouTube too, listening to music, going out with friends and family although it’s been a struggle for me to get out at times I’ve found it beneficial to go out and take my mind off things although it’s always going to be in my mind. I’m feeling better since speaking about my feelings on this forum and reading the lovely replies, if you would like to chat or anything feel free to add me as a friend or message me on here, definitely here to support you. You and your mother will be in my in my prayers and thoughts.