Dear MiGi,

my mum was diagnosed on December 2nd 2018 and passed away Friday 11 2019. 

The hardest part is the first week when you have to come to terms with what’s happened. After you’ve conquered that, it’s odd to say that you get use to it. Prepare yourself for when your father changes physically and - mentally depending on the person. 

I can’t advise you on what happens after as I am grieving but I can maybe help on other issues.

The hospital has no right to make you leave and we made such a fuss that we ended up getting to be with mum 24/7. You need to push for it and ask for a meeting with the head nurse and doctor. You have every right to be there !! 

We use to try and create a happy feeling in the room by bringing up good memories and times and specially funny moments. It’s not easy to put on a brave face but it does comfort the patient and in this case your father. Mum loved it and I think it brought her peace of mind specially that the news is so horrific that you have received that you need to melt it down and replace it with happiness ( I know that it sounds quite odd but you’ll see with time). 

Your father will come to terms with the news and the best thing you can do is to create a peaceful and happy environment. We use to play disney music such as the jungle book and Pocahontas as mum was a true child at heart - it cheered her up and even though she wasn’t able to communicate she’d try to smile and would calm down immediately. 

I put on a brave face and did what I had to do. You’ll have time to grieve so in the meantime while you still have your wonderful father, make the most of it and bring joy around you. Make it a happy memory so that when you think back in it you remembered the smiles and the laughter and not the dark times. 

I hope I haven’t chewed your ear off with my long message. I wish you strength, love and happiness. xxxx 

Hi Ldn91, 

Thank you! I'm so sorry you lost your mum. That was so quick too. You're probably still in shock. I know we are. 

If dad ends up in hospital again I'm taking no messing at all. [@davek]‍ I'm going to be strong and I will stand my ground and make a formal complaint. 

It sounds like we are handling things quite similarly. Dads home at the moment and so we've been sat with him talking and laughing, even teasing him. Every time I leave him I say to him "stay alive dad" and he says "I'll try lovely girl". It's become our little joke I suppose. If joke is the right word because it's so real. He idolises his grandchildren so he's had them there playing and although he can't play with them now he'll tuck one of my twins either side of him and they'll watch tv and chat. It is all so sudden. I can't even remember when he was diagnosed now, I think it will be three weeks next Wednesday. He was ok before that.

He had an awful turn last night. He was slurring and hunched over just not himself at all. I think he waited until he saw me before letting go and letting out his suffering. He was having a huge panic attack but he's never had one before so of course he thought he was actually dying.   The ambulance team took over half an hour to arrive (not their fault at all but half an hour is a very long time in a situation like that especially as we thought was dying too to be honest). When they did arrive they really showed up they were incredible. We had an ambulance, a rapid response car and a car full of the air ambulance doctors. I've never seen anything like it. 

However the follow up care is really strange and I'm still navigating it for him and mum. They made him an appointment at the out of hours doctors for 9.30 last night for anxiety meds. Just after they left he came over in absolute agony. I have never seen my dad cry before but he was crying and saying "help me" you can imagine the rest and he told me he was scared and embarrassed and he said he has never in his life had pain like it. I took him to the doctors and they were fab. Upped his morphine and gave him anxiety meds. 

None of the guys who helped us last night were impressed that dads palliative care team aren't coming until next Thursday and the doctor wasn't impressed that my dad was expected to go to an appointment. He said it has to be a home visit unless my dad specifically says he's well enough to attend. I just feel like we are at the mercy of people who don't care that much sometimes and who seem to put dad on the back burner. Even with this biopsy on Wednesday. If they'd have done it sooner and started his treatment he would have had a chance. Now it's with a heavy heart that I say after last night I don't think my dad is going to live very long at all, I really don't. He fell asleep with his head in mums lap last night, this isn't my dad.

I do agree with [@davek]‍ and I think if things go wrong we all have a duty in a way to complain because a lot of it is down to there being no compassion and by complaining we bring attention to the issue and it could stop someone else going through it. 

On TV you hear so much positivity about cancer, cures for this and that, funding all over the plane, charity events etc....but I can honestly say in real life there have been no positives with it. I probably shouldn't say that but it's true. It's the worst thing I've ever seen. 

Everyone here is in my thoughts and I'm so sorry to everyone who's feeling pain from it all. 

Tracy. Xxxxxxxx

Hi Migi don't worry about me, I'm as good as can be, i always think coming on forum as a way to rant let out some of the anger it definitely helps. I've let go sometimes and do a good letter then realised my language is rather bad and deleted it, but even that helps. Hope your new information from davik really helps. Good luck and best wishes............. Billy xxxxxxx 

Thank you MiGi, for your lovely thoughtful reply.  sometimes it feels after all the anguish we have been through your family as well as mine, that its amazing we are functioning at all. I just feel mostly disgusted with the NHS and the blatent cover ups. In one incident  where my husband and I complained the hospital even had a police report done. However despite the written statement of a witness, another patient who happened to be a hospital chaplain, it still ended up being dropped because the hospital hierarchy decided it was my husbands word against the nurse's. As though a man who knew he was dying with cancer has the time and energy to make statements against a nurse, is going to lie. And a chaplain was also lying.  It was just another slap in the face. Its difficult to fine words to describe how disgusted I am with such a system. I know how we need it but it needs more then a shaking up. I lived and worked in the USA for over 20 years,  and I do appreciate it cannot be the same as private health care, but he staff and managers should still do a decent job  and treat the patients with the dignity and respect they deserve. That does not cost money.  Sorry for the rant. Thanks again MiGi it just makes me so angry its still happening.  xx

I agree I feel awful but everyone, my family, friends and friends here keep reminding how well I am actually doing and Ive been able to step back and see things more objectively as a result. 

You are so right that after all of this its a wonder we are coping at all. But we are. Sometimes it doesnt feel like it and sometimes its so so hard and sad and absolutely crushing but we are still finding a way through and Im trying to see that as a step in the right direction. 

I agree its apalling that not only do you endure this horific experience that has hurt so much and changed your life for ever at the hands of so called profesionals but then they deny it ever happened!

Initially I was told to complain, by the site manager at the time by the ward sister that day (she telephoned me herself and had the complaints form ready on reception for me-I didnt ask for this or for her to call me!) But disgraceful then that when I did complain and they did their (botched) investigtion that they say it hadnt happened at all in the way I said!( even though when the sister called me hours after dad had died and told me to please write down everything that had happened before I went to sleep because Id forget, I did so with my daughter in detail and still have these notes they formed the basis of my complaint so it was 100% accurate).

So then you have to deal with the fact that not only did this happen but its now being denied and the struggle to either accept it or prove it begins. On top of the pain and suffering thats already there as a result of whats happened. Its a sick joke almost like a black comedy sometimes. 

They know, they do. They know the truth and they know exactly what theyve done to us. My dads notes (theyve ben referred to by the consultants in the coroners report so I know little bits) clearly show he was left without painkillers in the hours leading up to his death but he was prescribed to have them every hour and uo until the night shift took over and the problem statred was having them every hour. Its common sense then that if you suddenly stop pain relief for a patient in that state that its not going to be pleasant. But aparently not! Even with the coroner he said it wasnt suicide but dad "deliberately depleted himself of oxygen" which "accelerated and changed the timing of his death" Well what is that then? Its an absolutely atrocious and vile play on words because they dont want to admit the truth. 

Ive heard so many awful things about the system lately and like you said what weve been through is nothing to do with money. Its about respect and dignity of the patient and thier family. Not much to ask. Im disgusted with it too, I still cant quite believe it. I wish I knew when we were going to start feeling better. But whatever you think whatever you feel I understand I really do. Love and hugs.

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Hi Migi, hope you don't mind me sticking my nose in was wondering how things are going with your new job, and if any thing got sorted with your complaint. I know you've got alot on your mind so no rush. Just hoping things are getting sorted.

I had a bit of good news from oncologist, had another bone scan (I'll never get usto being injected with radiation) my cancer is still there but hasn't spread anywhere else. Yippee i think anyway..

Bit of bad news my darling wife has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and parkinsons but two different specialists gave us the results so didn't know if there both right or if one of them is wrong. Hope to find out soon. 

Hope you are keeping well thinking of you. Love... Billy xxx 

Hey Billy,

Typical, not even an acurate diagnosis. How can two doctors give two different diagnosis? You would think theyd talk first to decide what to tell their patient. Then again........ Unbelievable. I hope youre wife is ok Billy. Im so happy to hear that you had good results though!! Its bittersweet though isnt it when your poor wife has just had this news. 

Im ok, Ive had a really nasty virus the past two weeks, I still havent recovered but at least Im out of bed and back to it a bit, Its hit me like a train! 

No real news though. My advocate is still refusing to respond to my emails. My mum is in pieces. 

I approached another solicitor but they couldnt take on my case because there isnt enough money in it. The cost of fighting it outweighs the return so thats a no go. 

And we still havent managed to get my dads hospital notes from the hospital yet. 

We still owe the Funeral directors £500 so theyve written to mum to tell her theyre taking her to the small claims court. Im so annoyed. Im the one who told her not to pay them anymore money. They had over £2500 from mum and I said over my own dead body will she walk in there after the mess they made of dads funeral and pay any more but even thats become an argument over money. I wouldnt be surprised if they take us to court and force us to pay either.

The world has gone mad. I just dont want to talk about money anymore. But then Im not letting my mum go in there and hand over any more and I dont want any compensation, I want an apology! Its ridiculous. 

Ive started uni and Im throwing myself into it to distract me because Im beyond devastated. I saw the doctor a couple of weeks ago and hes given me sleeping tablets and theyve helped. The panic and reliving it all just got too much in the end but Im much better now. Really I need to get a grip on it all again and start fighting, I just ran out of strength for a while I think. 

Its so lovely to hear from you though. 

Take care, lots of love and hugs. 

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Hi there ...

So lovely to hear from you .. shame your still getting nowhere .. but it seems only the rich get justice ... life's a bummer .. here's hoping your uni course goes well ..

Life's sent me some bazookas... sis with dementure is at end of life now .. and the only thing she has now is pain ... the care home should be called the care(less) home ... it's heartbraking .. to see someone close like that ... it's really not fare ...

And we were going to Florida with my son and family ... last thing on my bucket list... just the day before my oldest granddaughter 17 ( well 18 today ) ... got taken to hospital and diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia  so instead of mickey mouse shes just had her first round of chemo.... and to say im so proud of her is an understatement...now the holiday insurance is trying not to pay out ...

I'm just saying this so you know your not alone .. seems fate has it in for us at times .. just want a break from bad news ... but fingers crossed put your heart into your course ... and I want you to pass with flying colours ... sending a vertual hug to you and your mum ... Chrissie  

Hi Migi. 

Hope your still OK.

Been struggling with my darling Brenda last few weeks she's more like a zombie sits there staring in space, no talk no movement hardly. 

A real good friend asked what meds she was on and straight away told me to stop one of them. (she is medicaly trained).

Next morning she's taking notice, talking really good and started to feed herself, she's been on these tablets for over 10 years now she should never have been on them there for schizophrenia which bren hasn't had, i got in touch with brens nurse told her she was quite happy I'd done it, they are now going through brens meds to see what else she doesn't kneed

But i think it's a devil when you have to take someone off medication to make them well. .,

It's been recommended we sue to make sure it doesn't happen to others brens thinking about it. Really it was her it happened to. 

It just makes you so mad with these experts getting things wrong and someone else putting it right.

Hope you don't mind me venting a bit to you but i know you've been there done that. 

Hope all is well in your household. 

Love..... Billy xxx 

Hi Billy,

Even if you don’t decide to sue, it would be worth raising a formal complaint with the care provider (GP, Pharmacist and/or NHS Trust) and CQC. 

A full medication review is required annually for everyone with a long term condition to prevent this sort of thing from happening. 

www.cqc.org.uk/.../medicines-reconciliation-medication-review

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Billy,

Its dreadful, Im so sorry. I dont know but from what Ive seen lately its a shambles and no body knows what theyre doing. My immediate reaction is to raise a complaint like Dave said to start with. It just depends how much energy you have to stick at it because they dont make complaining easy thats for sure. I only had dads notes sent to me two weeks ago after my advocate had repeatedly requested them. And all they could say was that they missed the requests! The other thing that hurts is that they dont actually care that theyve messed up and the impact its had on the patient and family. Its a really strange thing because you would automatically assume they would bend over backwards to apologise and take steps to stop i happening again but they dont. They deny it ever happened and make you feel like a liar. Youre left in the position where you are trying to convince them that they really did kill or seriously harm your relativee and they wont have it. But if you are made of strong stuff Id say start complaining NOW!! And stick with it because its disgusting what theyve done to Brenda and unforgiveable theyve taken away a part of her life for a long time and you found out by accident really! What if that friend had never have asked you what meds she was on? I am shuddering at this. How many other people are going throught this right now and dont know? 

Its horrendous and I feel for you. 

Were okay here, I have the older ones and the little ones home. Weve never done so much baking! We are just trying to make the most of the family time we are having because normally we are all rushed off our feet! 

Take care Billy,

Lots of love. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I just thought as well, this happened to my dad when they gave him far too much morphine and It happened to my old hairdresser about 15 years ago. She was pregnant and they swapped her epilepsy drugs to ones that should never have been given to a pregnant woman. I wont say too much here because its not nice and I dont know who is reading but I will say that the 20 week scan revealed things that were extremely hard for her to deal with and the baby is not here they had to intervene if you see what I mean so she had to go through that trauma as well. Im 100% sure she received a full apology and I cant remember if she actually sued them. But like Dave said theres a full medication meant to happen every year to stop this happening so something has gone seriously wrong for Brenda. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I just thought as well, this happened to my dad when they gave him far too much morphine and It happened to my old hairdresser about 15 years ago. She was pregnant and they swapped her epilepsy drugs to ones that should never have been given to a pregnant woman. I wont say too much here because its not nice and I dont know who is reading but I will say that the 20 week scan revealed things that were extremely hard for her to deal with and the baby is not here they had to intervene if you see what I mean so she had to go through that trauma as well. Im 100% sure she received a full apology and I cant remember if she actually sued them. But like Dave said theres a full medication meant to happen every year to stop this happening so something has gone seriously wrong for Brenda. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Afternoon all. I am so sorry to hear these awful things still happening. I do think about you and hope all is well and you all stay as safe as possible. Who knows perhaps one day we can all meet at some central point. Best Wishes Betty x

Hello Betty! 

My daughter is a student nurse as you know and we are often hearing horror stories. She had a little read through some of the content here earlier on and was very emotional seeing how many mistakes are being made and how people are suffering individually not just as numbers. Shes also just gone through my dads situation with me and is helping me to cope with my mum and the heart breaking fall out its created. I dont know whats up with the NHS my daughter is in the middle of her degree now and really doent want to be a nurse anymore or have anything to do with the NHS. Its really sad because she is the sort of nurse they need but she says shes learned more about how not to be a nurse than to actually become a good one through her training so far. Theres a big difference in how they are trained at uni to how it works in practice. At uni they are all taught to do their best and the right thing for the patient, so theyre trained the right way but the second they go into the real world and are on placements in the hospital setting you can see how it all falls apart basically because the rules arent followed but this is as simple as not even obeying infection control methods which is basic stuff so you can imagine the mess of things if they have to do nything more complex. Its really sad and Im not happy. My daughter feels like shes wasted her opportunity at uni to do a degree she doesnt believe in anymore but its easy to see how someone who has gone through what ALL OF US HERE could be turned right off getting involved in an institution that allows this to happen on a daily basis without thought or feeling of the impact and suffering it causes. Im still so upset by what happened to my dad, its still so raw. Its worse because my mum isnt coping and not accepting it. She has accepted that he has died because he was so unwell but she cannot accept the way they let him die and she feels resposible because we were there and couldnt help him. Funnily though she blames herself but doesnt blame me and I was there too, I have tried to explain this to her that if she is to blame then so am I but according to her Im an angel so her logic doesnt work but Ill keep trying with that!! 

I havent got any words of wisdom or support for anyone who is going through this or has been through it but I wish I did. I wish I could get the answers for my self and I wish I had the answers to give. 

The one thing I do know is that everyone here especially us in our own little bit (me, Dave, Betty, Chrissie, Billy goat and anyone Ive missed) we have all created a little bumble of pure and total understanding which has meant the world to me and still does, always will. 

I would love to meet up when this is all over. Definitely count me in for that. Id love to give everyone a real hug to go with the virtuaal ones we have been sending all this time even though they are all priceless and so comforting. 

Im just going up for a long soak in the bath, Im still taking time out to pamper myself to relieve stress, its only an hour but its my hour to think and cry and allow myself the time and space to be emotional and let it out. Im going to cover myself in fake tan and my daughter has volunteered to do something to my out of control eye brows! A strange thing, I hadnt cried about my dad for ages, I get tears and the urge to cry but they sit in the bottom of my eyes and dont come out even though I can physically feel them. I cried last night. The doctor upset me yesterday by complaining that I take pain killers for a back problem Ive had since having my twins, she said that they are addictive and I should try to wean myself off them bearing in mind I have only ever taken two in the morning to stop the pain for the day and two at night to stop the pain so I can get some sleep. I was so upset that she said "Try" and "Wean" as if I was popping these pills every hour or something that I have told her to stick her pain killers where the sun doesnt shine and Ive refused to collect them from the chemist. I have probably fallen into her trap its probably that the pain killers are expensive or something but I am stronger now and I wont have it! I would rather be in agony than accept pain killers from her ever again after she threw that at me right in the middle of lock down so I cant even see my own doctor for a review. But this is just an example of how doctors dont listen to patients and how things can go so wrong. I feel I have to prove a point now by refusing pain killers to show how much I need to try to wean myself off them!! Meanwhile Im in agony. At no point did she ask if I was okay and when I asked for an alternative pain killer instead of these super addictive ones she said no, it was a wasted discussion because I didnt get anywhere and neither did she. So yes I did get off the phone and ball my eyes out, initially I was feeling like Id been accused of having a pain killer addiction by the doctor (not even my doctor!) then I was crying because I thought they will just leave me in pain now because they dont care and then obviously it went onto my dad being in pain and noone helping him. So I got a lot out yesterday-it comes at weird times and in its own time! 

On the positive side of things though, so far so good, we are all healthy and happy. Im doing well at Uni youll be pleased to know guys that I had 69% in my first assignment and 64% in my last one. Ive just submitted another one which didnt go so well because we had just started lock down and I was trying to balance (not very well) trying to homeschool the babies and do my own work but Ive found the balance now!! (6 weeks later!!) 

I hope everyone is okay, its such a weird time with all of this going on in the world and our own individual trauma. Im sending everyone lots of love and hugs, we will all get there in the end even if we do have to take it day by day. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Morning Migi

I can understand about your back, My son is waiting for a back operation, he cannot sit down only stand and lie down, the pain is so bad. At least his GP has been Ok. However this operation is not happening until this Corona Virus thing is over. Who knows when that will be. I wonder how the people who decide these things would like  not to be able to sit  down , they have no idea. So there you are in pain, thats awful but I can understand your reaction, its always people that hurt us more so than the pain a lot of the time.  Please pick up your prescription and next time you request your repeat ask for  a referral to a consultant. Look after yourself I think the NHS is overwhealmed I think it was even before the Covid 19.

It is very sad about you daughter becoming disillusioned, she is just the type of nurse we need at a time when we are sick and vunerable and just need to speak to a human being.

Meanwhile congratulations on all of your uni results, sounds to me like you will be great. 

I wish I could remember my husband when he was well, but the way he was treated just seems to pop into my head  when  I least expect it, and yes I know I am supposed to remember the good times we had but the end just seems to overwhelm everything.

   Looking forward to a time in the future when we may all meet. It is terrible the way all of us on here have been treated

 Stay safe and look after yourselves.

Betty x

Hi Betty! 

Its so nice to hear from you. Thats exactly the problem. Youve hit the nail on the head. Everyone says remember the good times and focus on that, dont think about the bad bits but when the bad bits are so horrific its impossible to do that. I do laugh about my dad and we do use humour to cope sometimes but the biggest problem we have is the same as with you. It was just too awful to really accept. Mum cant accept it, I dont think she ever will because she says it was just too cruel. She is really bad at the moment she says she thinks she might have been numb or in shock or something because she is going through the non stop crying and feelings of massive guilt that she "let" it happen to him. She said that thinking about happy memories with him leads her straight into feeling distraught that he didnt deserve to be left to die like that. So just like you said the ending your husband had just overwhelms everything. I think thats completely normal. I cant see how you can experience something like that and accept it. Because to accept something you have to be at peace with it dont you? And I dont think my mum for instance will ever find peace where thats concerned. How can you? And how can she? 

I feel slightly different because I was the one in charge of running back and forth trying to get help and they wouldnt come. Unless I had physically grabbed a nurse and dragged her to dads room there was nothing I could do. I do feel guilty but its not as overwhelming as it was because I do know I couldnt do anything. I 100% blame the nurse but Im not angry. Im just baffled and it looks like she has falsified his notes too now. Shes made entries in retrospect and has added extra doses of pain killers that dad didnt have and werent listed in the response the health board sent me so Im waiting to see what happens now. In her general notes to the only thing she has written regarding dad that night is that he was "comfortable in bed". I smell a rat. But yes I am very upset about dad but seem to be in a different place to mum. 

I feel so sorry for your son too, back pain is awful and you cant see it so its a silent illness that causes so many problems. Ive got SPD from having the girls but the doctor has referred me to physiotherapy now. I do a lot of my own excercisses for it you can find them online but Im happy to see what they suggest. 

I havent made a fuss about my pain I thought two tablets twice a day was ok and seemed to manage it so I just stuck with it. Im trying disolvable paracetamol at the moment, my dad funny enough told me these were really good and I can feel theyre doing something. I think I just felt totally insulted and taken for an idiot. I wouldnt have minded if they had called me for a review or even changed them to something else but she went straight in at me and caught me totally by surprise. I just wasnt expecting that. Im going to wait until I go out for my shopping next week and then Ill pick them up, they just make you feel paranoid and like you shouldnt be having them and my reaction is to shut down and say fine. I told her in a very polite way to put them where the sun doesnt shine, I wasnt rude at all but I did say to her "You do realise that Im taking two doses per day dont you?" But she said yes!! We automatically assume that because theyre the professional and were not that they know everything but the problem is they would know a lot more if they bothered to listen to their patient but for whatever reason they dont seem to any more. Gone are the days when we had a "family"doctor. He would know you, your family, the family history, everything. Im not saying healthcare was better then but its almost impossible to even see the same doctor these days so theres no continuity. There are too many assumptions and people slip throught he net then. 

I dont know what Im doing today. I think Ill have a sort out of my bedroom. Its not too bad but getting s little bit messy. The bin men came and it looks like one of my recycling bags have split because theyve left rubbish over the pavement so Ive got to go and clear that up now.. I thought it was bank holiday today? I thought they had changed it from last Monday to today but like I said the bins have been collected. Im confused!!! It doesnt take much though!!! 

Im sending my love and hugs and please keep safe and take a deep breath. Its not going to go away but we can all support each other through it as best we can. 

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Thank you MiGi. xx

Hi everyone,

Just wondering how everyone is getting along? Im also after some information if anyone knows who can help? Im having trouble with my advocate. My initial one left at xmas time, then it took until just before lockdown to get another one, but then she said she was having trouble writing my letter. So I wrote it for her and sent it to her at the beginning of lock down and she said she would send it along with a covering letter. She delayed and delayed, then a couple of weeks ago went on the sick. I was told that id be given a new advocate but they havent even replied to me. All they have said is that they cant just write a covering letter as they hadnt seen my file even though the covering letter is just a template they use and that I could send the letter myself. 

So Im wondering if I do send the letter myself, will it still be taken seriously? Or would I be better off waiting for an advocate as if its written on headed paper from an authoritative source it might carry more weight? I just feel like for some reason even the advocate people are trying to stall me on this and i dont know why! Theyre meant to be on my side but I have a sneaky feeling theyve given the concerns department the heads up about whats in my letter because they are definitely not helping me to get this letter sent at all. 

Has anyone got any ideas about this?

I hope everyone is well and keeping safe.

MiGi. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Migi. 

Nice to hear from you again, sorry I'm no good at the problem you have. Just thought id welcome you back. 

Hope this problem isn't to do with your other one. 

Hope you're keeping well and safe. 

Love Billy xxx 

Hi Billy,

You are so sweet, thank you! 

No its the same problem to do with my dad. Im not surprised people dont complain about the NHS a much as they should they make it almost imposssible, and it tkes so long to get anywhere at all! 

I hope youre okay. Its been a difficult few months with lock down hasnt it? Im in Wales so its nowhere near back to normal here yet, but getting there! 

let me know how everything is with you I really hope everything is okay.

MiGi XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Migi. 

Bit chaos just now. 

Bren is on anti psychotic meds, been on them for over 14 years now we never knew till a friend asked what she was on she should never have been on them so had a word with her psychiatrist and weaning her off them, she was like a zombie couldn't move couldn't talk she's alot better now but still more tablets to stop, friends suggested suing, don't know yet.

I've had problems with my cancer count beginning of year it was 2.2 early this month it was 65 oncologist told me she's given me wrong meds, so she's sorting it out then I'm waiting three months to see if they work..

Hope you're OK and being safe. 

Love Billy xxx 

Hi Billy,

Its awful, so youve both been given the wrong medication then. I think i would raise a complaint. My friend died a few weeks ago, he had been given medication by the consultant but his GP didnt agree he needed it and stopped it. Its a shambles and even though its hard I would encourage everyone who this happens to to speak out and say. 

Im so sorry about this though, how are you feeling? Do you feel ok in yourself or are you feeling pretty rotten? 

MiGI XXXXXXXX