Hi there, 

Thank you so much. My experience has been horific but please dont let it worry you too much. Its not like this for everyone. 

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Hi Betty,

Thank you very much for thining of me. Youre right I just havent been able to face much lately. Im ok though just trying to get on with it as best I can. Im finding that I want to be on my own with my children. Ive been doing various things to try to keep myself ok but its all gone out the window the last couple of weeks but Im in counseling now and hopefully this will make a difference. Its heart breaking. I dont have to tell you how heart breaking this is. Let us know how youre getting on, how are you coping with everything now? I have a feeling this sort of thing stays with you I might be wrong but it doesnt feel like the sort of thing that can be gotten over in a hurry if at all. Big hugs for you Betty. I really hope that you are somehow staying strong. 

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Morning Migi.

Thinking of you. Unfortunately your are so right about it staying with me. I wish I could think of the good times etc that we did have for years, but I see my poor skeletal husband in absolute agony, the one thing that he was worried about happening and it did. The atmosphere in the very noisy ward, the lack of treatment and care was appalling. To this day I am so thankful he decided to discharge himself and come home, however this just meant he had given up any glimmer of hope. It is now just over a year I have had counselling, it has helped a little but not very much. I wish I could forget those awful times, so many of them in the hospital, I do try but they are too awful and still too strong. Sorry to be such a misery today, I find it helps being with people also I understand its OK to laugh and not feel guilty, but with I did not have those awful images.

Take care of yourself and lovely family xxx

Hi Betty,

Dont worry, I know, my heart breaks for you because its so painful and should never have happened. They dont think of the impact on the loved ones left behind and the loved ones having to deal with their disgraceful lack of care at the time. 

Were not trained to deal with seeing those things and to not be supported at such a crucial time is bound to leave us with scars that hopefully but not definitely will heal one day. Im suffering the same as you in the sense that its the images the sounds etc of what happened in the end that I cant seem to stop seeing and when it happens sometimes its so intense i feel like Im still there. 

The counselor told me its flash backs, I had thought it was anxiety attacks but she said its PTSD. Im wondering if you might have the same thing? Im really lucky with my counselor she booked me striaght back in for this monday coming and she really understood what I was saying but I know its not always the case. Is it worth you possibly trying again? I am so strong and independent Betty but Ive found it a bit embarrasing how this has completely knocked me off my feet but it is such a massive thing for us so not surprising. I hate thinking of you or anyone struggling like we are with this, I wish there was an easy answer to it I really do. It makes me a. bit angry all of this for no reason, it could so easily have been prevented and I think thats the hardest part, knowing that if people had listened to us we wouldnt be suffering like this now. 

Im off to see my mum, she wants to take my girls to the park for a while so I will catch up with you later. Big hugs Betty and lots of love. 

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This article is about the English NHS but it gives an insight into why so many people feel forced to sue the NHS as it's often the only way Trusts can be compelled to release information. 

www.bbc.co.uk/.../health-51180944

I totally understand it now I’m in that position. Lots of my family have worked for the NHS as nurses, managers, as receptionists, all sorts and I’d never in a million years have thought I’d ever be someone that would even consider suing the NHS. My dad had a total freak out on me years ago because he had meningitis and needed a brain scan but they blatantly said that it was too costly and couldn’t be done. I rang the consultant and told him If money was the issue I was coming in with my credit card and was going to pay for the scan and wanted it done immediately. (I had a good job back then) By the time I got there which was within the hour they had already booked dad in! But dad wasn’t happy because he felt he’d bypassed other needy people just because I’d flashed my cash so to speak and the whole idea behind thr NHS was for It to be free at the point of need so he objected on principal to what I did so we had a big argument over it. But sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do and if suing them is the only way that we will get an apology and an explanation that’s how it’s going to have to be. In our case it’s blatant what they’ve done and no amount of compensation will ever put it right. What would put it right, right now is an apology and an explanation and the nurse being fired. And a promise that this will not happen again to anyone else. That would stop me taking this further and all they’d lose is a bad (dangerous) nurse which is no loss to them anyway anyway but seeing as they don’t want to do that I HAVE to take it as far as I can even though it potentially could cost them a lot of money. They don’t seem concerned that they have a dangerous nurse there and don’t seem concerned about the money either. But for me suing looks like in order to get what I want it’s unfortunately what I might have to do. 

Hey Billy, 

Not long after you posted [@davek]‍ Sent me some info to help find a solicitor so I’m going to give them a call on Monday morning and go from there, I’m going to keep everyone updated so hopefully I might get somewhere with this. Fingers crossed. 

Im not happy about it at all but I’m trying not to be angry. I’m throwing myself into studying and really trying to keep as focused as possible. Im struggling but it’s with very low mood and it’s more feeling like I just don’t want to go out. But today I feel much better than yesterday better than this morning even so it’s literally an hour by hour, day by day thing. I get angry when I see mum crying and breaking her heart. She still blames herself and she did nothing to deserve this life sentence she’s ended up with. It’s so unfair that in her 60s with the huge  problems she’s already got that she has to live with this but she’s finding the counseling helpful she says. And she’s trying so hard. We can all see it and I’m really proud of her. But how I didn’t physically attack the nurse at the time I’ll never know. And maybe as part of my grief I will start to feel angry. I just don’t know how to feel at the moment. 

Do you know it’s 4 months since he died now? I can’t believe it. Mum said it seems like such a long time ago but I feel like it was last week. 

I’m doing all the things I do to make myself feel better like I said before pampering away! Face mask, bubble bath, painting my nails, it really helps. 

How are you doing anyway? I’m always going on about my own issues and once I start writing I don’t stop you may have noticed!! 

Xxxxxxxx

Thank you MiGi, for your lovely thoughtful reply.  sometimes it feels after all the anguish we have been through your family as well as mine, that its amazing we are functioning at all. I just feel mostly disgusted with the NHS and the blatent cover ups. In one incident  where my husband and I complained the hospital even had a police report done. However despite the written statement of a witness, another patient who happened to be a hospital chaplain, it still ended up being dropped because the hospital hierarchy decided it was my husbands word against the nurse's. As though a man who knew he was dying with cancer has the time and energy to make statements against a nurse, is going to lie. And a chaplain was also lying.  It was just another slap in the face. Its difficult to fine words to describe how disgusted I am with such a system. I know how we need it but it needs more then a shaking up. I lived and worked in the USA for over 20 years,  and I do appreciate it cannot be the same as private health care, but he staff and managers should still do a decent job  and treat the patients with the dignity and respect they deserve. That does not cost money.  Sorry for the rant. Thanks again MiGi it just makes me so angry its still happening.  xx

I agree I feel awful but everyone, my family, friends and friends here keep reminding how well I am actually doing and Ive been able to step back and see things more objectively as a result. 

You are so right that after all of this its a wonder we are coping at all. But we are. Sometimes it doesnt feel like it and sometimes its so so hard and sad and absolutely crushing but we are still finding a way through and Im trying to see that as a step in the right direction. 

I agree its apalling that not only do you endure this horific experience that has hurt so much and changed your life for ever at the hands of so called profesionals but then they deny it ever happened!

Initially I was told to complain, by the site manager at the time by the ward sister that day (she telephoned me herself and had the complaints form ready on reception for me-I didnt ask for this or for her to call me!) But disgraceful then that when I did complain and they did their (botched) investigtion that they say it hadnt happened at all in the way I said!( even though when the sister called me hours after dad had died and told me to please write down everything that had happened before I went to sleep because Id forget, I did so with my daughter in detail and still have these notes they formed the basis of my complaint so it was 100% accurate).

So then you have to deal with the fact that not only did this happen but its now being denied and the struggle to either accept it or prove it begins. On top of the pain and suffering thats already there as a result of whats happened. Its a sick joke almost like a black comedy sometimes. 

They know, they do. They know the truth and they know exactly what theyve done to us. My dads notes (theyve ben referred to by the consultants in the coroners report so I know little bits) clearly show he was left without painkillers in the hours leading up to his death but he was prescribed to have them every hour and uo until the night shift took over and the problem statred was having them every hour. Its common sense then that if you suddenly stop pain relief for a patient in that state that its not going to be pleasant. But aparently not! Even with the coroner he said it wasnt suicide but dad "deliberately depleted himself of oxygen" which "accelerated and changed the timing of his death" Well what is that then? Its an absolutely atrocious and vile play on words because they dont want to admit the truth. 

Ive heard so many awful things about the system lately and like you said what weve been through is nothing to do with money. Its about respect and dignity of the patient and thier family. Not much to ask. Im disgusted with it too, I still cant quite believe it. I wish I knew when we were going to start feeling better. But whatever you think whatever you feel I understand I really do. Love and hugs.

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