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Dad given two months to live.

MiGi
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Hi there, 

Im totally new here, I am just so upset right now and wondered if anyone had any advice. 

My dad got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last week. It was a shock. He only went to hospital with a chest infection. He came home on Saturday, they were giving the antibiotics a chance to work and had booked him in for a biopsy on the 30th but this morning he rumg me and told me he didn't feel well and said he thought he may have to go back to hospital as he'd been coughing up blood for two hours. I got to my parents in ten minutes, planned on putting him in my car and driving him to A and E but he was in absolute agony. It was horrific. So I called an ambulance. Later on it turned out its spread to his liver and nymph things

and the consultant told dad he only had a couple of months left in him. Mums been crying all day my dad has just gone into a state of shock. I'm trying to blank it out for now because I have to be strong. 

So then they moved dad to a ward for the night. Mum was told she would be able to stay with him over night but when we got to the ward the nurse was pretty harsh and direct with my mum and told her she couldn't stay with him. She said she'd had three other people ask and the answer was no. I couldn't believe it. Her tone, her manner, it was absolutely awful. My poor mother. The nurse then said if she wanted to stay that much she could sit in the day room but only for one night until my dad "gets used to it". They asked me to leave as it was 11pm by the time he went to the ward and away from my mum before I left I explained (through tears) to the nurse that my dad had just been given two months to live and that my parents were terrified and gutted and dad didn't want mum to leave him. I also explained that mum has really bad anxiety and is very sensitive so can't deal with stress as well as most but I was so hurt and upset for my mum. It was a huge blow after the worst week of her life and she was crushed. I've left her now stuck in the day room all night and I just can't believe this is how it is. If mum can't be with dad he will give up straight away. He needs her. Especially tonight. I thought it was so cruel to not let them stay together and to speak to mum like that or am I being over sensitive and this is what it's like if you're terminally ill in hospital? Thanks so much. Sorry for going on. Xxxxxxx

Parents
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    Gosh...this is heartbreaking. I’m sure there are procedures to adhere to and good reasons for it.....but......surely there can be some flexibility. If not - then I think there should be!! It should be worked out so people can have their loved ones with them. 

    And even if that really isn’t possible, the nurse could have at least adopted a caring, understanding and compassionate tone. There’s just no need. I’d be tempted to give her senior some feedback about this (i.e I understand that there are procedures but that nurse could’ve handled this better!)

    This is a shame because most I’ve met are beautiful souls (for example, I come from a family of lovely nurses and the cancer nurses on this site are always very nice, patient and caring.....but I do remember one bad apple who saw my Mum’s religious book and then shot my Mum a long look of disgust.....when I went after her and said, “hey....what the hell was all that about? is there a problem here?” she was taken aback and all smiles in front of everyone saying, “I don’t know what you mean! Of course not!” But...we all saw it). 

    I’m not sure if there is a way around this, MiGi...perhaps one of the other members can help (as your lovely Dad has stage 4....could another facility be better for him so that he can have his loved ones around him?)

    This is the last thing you need, MiGi. Like your Dad, my Mum had stage 4 lung cancer and I know how incredibly hard it is....especially in the early days after diagnosis. I know exactly what you’re going through xx 

    How are things today? xxx

     

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    Gosh...this is heartbreaking. I’m sure there are procedures to adhere to and good reasons for it.....but......surely there can be some flexibility. If not - then I think there should be!! It should be worked out so people can have their loved ones with them. 

    And even if that really isn’t possible, the nurse could have at least adopted a caring, understanding and compassionate tone. There’s just no need. I’d be tempted to give her senior some feedback about this (i.e I understand that there are procedures but that nurse could’ve handled this better!)

    This is a shame because most I’ve met are beautiful souls (for example, I come from a family of lovely nurses and the cancer nurses on this site are always very nice, patient and caring.....but I do remember one bad apple who saw my Mum’s religious book and then shot my Mum a long look of disgust.....when I went after her and said, “hey....what the hell was all that about? is there a problem here?” she was taken aback and all smiles in front of everyone saying, “I don’t know what you mean! Of course not!” But...we all saw it). 

    I’m not sure if there is a way around this, MiGi...perhaps one of the other members can help (as your lovely Dad has stage 4....could another facility be better for him so that he can have his loved ones around him?)

    This is the last thing you need, MiGi. Like your Dad, my Mum had stage 4 lung cancer and I know how incredibly hard it is....especially in the early days after diagnosis. I know exactly what you’re going through xx 

    How are things today? xxx

     

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