2019... Tomorrow's just another day through this terrible journey!

I lost my Wife at the end of November, she was 46 years old, never smoked, drank alcohol, or did anything to harm her body. Metastatic breast cancer on her lungs is what took her away like a thief.

Together for 22 years we made every day count, told each other we loved each other every day, and to be honest this was how it always had been between us even before she became ill. We were so in love!  We never left a word unsaid, and we just clicked together so well from day one, proper soul mates is what we were.

I am struggling with her loss so much that it is becoming unbearable now for me to deal with, constant exhaustion through crying, not sleeping because my mind is all over the place and I'm becoming frequently irritated with people telling me "she's not in pain anymore" , "times a healer", " we'll help you through it" etc etc.  How the hell is anything or anyone going to make this better?  Me and my wife fought so hard to beat this illness and it feels like that despite our best efforts weve done it all for nothing.  Its like a great big punch in the face that I've got to take because I can't do a damn thing bring her back or change any of it.

I have been referred for urgent counselling  (at my request) because I don't want to feel like this anymore, and those around me trying to help shouldn't have to face my angry outbursts.

Every day that I get further away from her passing, the worse I feel about it.  It's a proper head scrambler and I'm now signed off from work with stress related issues.  2018 was crap, and I think 2019 isn't going to be any different:(.

James