After several months of being silent, the tumour started growing aggressively again. The tamoxifen just isn't working anymore.

My poor baby is in pain but she can't talk to me about and has no idea what is going on, She is on morphine patches to help with the pain and she now uses a wheelchair on outings as she gets tired and out of breath so quickly.

The care home and staff are amazing and so supportive we are struggling with how to cope with the emotional side of things.

She did have a trip to Disneyland Paris booked but that has been cancelled now as she is too ill to travel.

I'm trying hard to find some positives out of all this but I can't! it sucks and hurts like hell.

This week her big sister excepted that her little sister is dying, I don't know what's worse to see the hope in her face that her sister was going to get better, and me  knowing that is wasn't going to happen, or the sadness and the held back tears

that I see now.

I hate having to be strong and I hate being angry and I hate feeling useless.

Friends and family say if you need anything we are here for you, the problem is I don't know how they can help?

I've always been so independent and real-life carries on, you still have to work, Bills still have to be paid and as I don't have a house elf the housework still has to be done. 

Sorry for the wingeing and self-pity, the last few days have been tough and I needed to get things off my chest.

As my Nanna used to say "you've had your cry, now dusty yourself of, blow your nose and carry on. There's no use borrowing trouble, It'll find you soon enough!."

I miss me Nanna x

Thanks for letting blow my emotional cork

BB

Confudulated