Hi there ... so so sorry, your going through this at the moment ... it's heartbraking ... and cancer doesn't care how old we are ...even babies get this crule cancer .. fit young, loved or alone, no one is immune to it ... as someone with cancer myself .. I can only say what I'd think ...

I would be content that those babies I gave birth to, and brought up alone, were now grown ... and will make their own family soon .. she must be so proud of how you are now, and where your life's at ... you imagine how she'd have felt if she had this when you were both young ...  so she can think she's done her role as mum well .. which will so help her now on this last path she's walking ...

You will never loose her .. she'll just live safe in your heart, and go with you everywhere .. because you are your mum, she made you ... and she'll know, she lives in her babies, and when they come along, her babies, babies as she will be a part of them too ..

I feel my mum with me on my cancer journey and she's been gone nearly 30 years .. but I know she's around checking... and I'll miss her every day ... I'm sending you a big hug ... chrissie 

Thank you for your response. Those words are really lovely.

Since writing this I had a call that she has worsened and I should be back locally with her. So I’m by her side now has won’t be returning home or to work for  the foreseeable.  Its heartbreaking watching her life be cruelly snatched from her. It’s all becoming very real now and they feel she has only a few days left. 

Its so unfair and it doesn’t feel real, I don’t know how I’ll cope. 

Oh my... I'm sending you a big vertual hug ... hang on in there ... and we cope because we don't have a choice ... just try to live in the day ... and go with any feelings you have ... we all need to get them out not lock them away ... just do it in balance ... so you don't loose it all the time, and you don't lock it away either ... 

She will be so proud, I know I would ... always here if you want a shoulder to lean on ..

Chrissie 

This must be awful and I have no soothing words that will help (I don't have any for myself as my wife lays at home with untreatable cancer and at a best guess a few weeks). You are obviously doing what you can and that is all that anyone CAN do.

What I do know is that there can be no way to "understand how and why this happened". It does and that is all.

My sympathies and kind thoughts will have to suffice. 

Hi there,

So sorry you are going through this, and your mum too.

There's no right or wrong way to deal with this situation, but don't waste any of your energy asking why, it's just the way it is and it can strike anyone at any time.

I know you say your mum has never had a chance to live a proper life, and I get where you're coming from, but she raised you herself and has been alive to see you making a success of your life and I don't doubt that brings her a lot of joy and pride.  Life isn't about the money and the holidays (as I'm sure you know anyway) but it's about time with your family and you're obviously close so that is what matters.

It's going to be very hard to see it just now, but you will cope.  You will go through the stages of grieving but you will keep your mother alive in your memories and through talking with others about her.  It's not the time to worry about that just now, you just need to go with the process, take each day as it comes and not stress yourself about how you think you should be feeling rather just let yourself feel how you feel.

Will be thinking of you during these difficult days, be kind to yourself not hard on yourself.

LJx

You are her joy and pride...absolutely! You are there for your mum and she loves you. Totally.

And that's it. Forever.

You are strong and amazing and she will know that. She will.

xxx

I am so sorry to hear. You must be going through hell...I bet you can’t understand why this is all happening...I presume you know that Maximilian’s CA support is there for relatives too to support them. .? For me it was harder to have my relatives I’ll then having done through CA myself. How could anyone cope in a situation like yours anyway...so yes,  You could look for some professional support...You could speak to your GP to start with..?

Also and I am not telling you what to do...you can not change the fact that your mom is ill and you might not have her for long. What you can do though is to spend as much time as you can with her, for her and your own sake. Once she is gone, she is gone and you will never be able to take time back. I had my first child whilst doing my MSc and I still regret not having spent more time with him when he was young.always will...Best wishes and a big hug..my heart goes out to you 

Hi everyone,

thank you for the lovely words and encouragement.

My amazing Mum passed away on Friday 10th August peacefully with her Mum and Gran by her side. I visited her after her passing and gave her a goodbye kiss. 

I have no idea how im meant to feel. I haven’t cried as much as I thought I would. But I have cried on random occasions for a short while. I just feel deep sadness and emptiness. It doesn’t feel real. But I’m so glad she’s out of pain as in her final days she suffered.

I am so devestated.  

Thinking of you and Sending you a big hug

So sorry to hear this and really there are no words for what you are going through now.  I hope you, your gran and great-gran can bring some comfort and support for each other.

Do not worry about how you think you should feel, just be as you are.

I'm here if you want to get your frustration out, if you want to rant, or you might find it helps to share stories of your life with your mum, whatever you feel and whenever you feel it.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and send you a massive virtual hug.

LJxx