hi 

my partner was ill before xmas coulnt eat anything or drink anything it was hurrendous ,the gp gave him painkillers and anti sickness pills and told him to come back in the new year,in the meantime he lost 3 stones in 2 weeks .

we went back to the doctors and we were reffered to a spcialist who admitted him to hospital the same day,they put all the fliud drips in first then moved on to the food drip he was in there 3 weeks ,eventually he went down for the camera down his throat which has a big cancer tumer in it ,he was taken a few days later to have a stent put in to get through the cancer so he could eat and drink again,that was so painfull for him it was awfull,he was then discharged and we went to preston hospital to see a consultant ,my partner has c.o.p,d so unfortunatly he cannot have the operation or chemo they are giving him 9 days of radiotherapy to try and give him a bit longer ,when we got the diagnosis we were so shocked i spent the next few days in a trance ,he went for his first radiotherapy on thursday and when he had gone i just broke down all day i couldnt stop it seemed everything i looked at or did was what we do together or bought together the house the furniture etc i couldnt stop crying,

i was trying to be the strong one and not cry infront of him but when he came home from the radiotherapy i just broke down in front of him this cancer is real and its happening to my man of 22 years ,,

we are trying to be as normal as we can everyday and i will be looking after him at home he doesnt want to go in a hospice ,but things have to be sorted out financially and house wise all the affairs need sorting ,this is something i have never had to do before and i dont know where to turn for help i really dont know about funerals death certificates  all those kind of things .

the worst part of it all is that i know i am going to lose my best friend and savior  my world i dont think i can cope with that ,