Hi peanutcas.

I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now. Words are just inadequate.

I know this is probably the last thing on your mind, but just to be practical, you used the word partner, which I guess means you aren't married. This is going to sound really cynical, but the law hasn't caught up with the way modern couples live, so it is very important that your partner makes a will ensuring that you and any children are adequately provided for. If possible, I suggest he gets legal advice and draws up a new will while time permits. 

If your partner has a workplace pension, then you need to be named as next of kin so that you receive any accrued benefits. 

Let me finish by saying how sorry I am to read of your situation. 

Heart-rending, you have my sympathy. Here's my immediate thoughts, take from them what you will or totally ignore.

Firstly and most importantly, you need only be 'sufficient to the moment' - address what's in front of you now, then move on to another moment. Try not to ponder on the moments ahead but wait until you reach each one.

There are practical considerations, as you've already noted, so you need to organise a plan for your finances, funeral arrangements, living expenses, mortgage/rent, where the stopcock is, how the boiler works etc and this sort of stuff will be unique for your circumstances. It may be worth getting advice from Macmillan, CAB or similar. Indeed, this site may have advice on practical matters that you need to consider. I haven't looked myself but it probably has.

You probably need to be aware of end of life signs and relevant advice. That's definitely available on this site because I've read it.

I'd address these practical issues at the earliest opportunity, as I think this will give you and your man some peace of mind. Once addressed, you're free to concentrate on each moment of quality of life. Don't hide your emotions and feelings, share everything and take pleasure when you can, transitory though it may be. Don't forget to smile and laugh as often as you can.

Best Regards

Taff

Reading 'Being sufficient in the moment'

really helped me 

thank you 

kX

My heart goes out to all the partners when a cancer diagnosis is given. My husband was given a cancer terminal diagnosis in April 2018   6 weeks.  Too late for radiotherapy surgery or chemo. He was put on a clinical trial which kept his tumours stable until March 2020 nearly two years. Just as Covid struck the world his tumours started to grow and new ones. In the beginning I got on the phone to the solicitor and insurance people and the tax people cried myself through every phone call sorting out evrrything. It was sorted in two weeks. Since then I have kept all paperwork up to date by dealing with any correspondence or bills as soon as they arrive. Which means things are up to date now and don't take a lot of time to sort. So all the other time is left for things to do with him.  I am crying as I am writing this but I can't let him see. It's cold and horrible to have to be so organised but how else can you go on. I hate what Cancer has done to our lives. Its like a parallel existence one life with cancer and your other life going along side it living with cancer. I won't say be strong because I'm not strong. I'm falling apart inside but the hard  part is you have to keep going for your partner. 

Hi peanutcas,

I feel your pain I am in the same situation. Tonight I am sitting in my kitchen alone while my husband is in the bedroom and cannot drink water any more or eat.  He refuses to go into the Emergency Department as it's a disaster and Covid is at its very worst here.  I am so scared and I feel the same way as you describe above.  My husband was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer and his journey has been very unpleasant until now. I hate seeing him suffering so much but I can't bear the thought of losing him. It's a horrible horrible situation.  I hope you are finding some peace in some way.