I never usually use things like this and I have been offered counciling many times but I just feel so anxious and I don't know how I will cope with this. 

15 months ago I lost my brother to terminal bowel cancer it was the hardest time of my life. My brother was only 30 when he died only 5months after he was diagnosed my father was my rock at the time he kept me my mum and my sister together and pulled us through. Also my brother who was mainly in hospital for the majority of his cancer battle my dad stayed with him constantly sleeping in a arm chair every night by his side. It really was the worst time of my life. 

Just as I was starting to control my grief and start to feel happiness again life has decided to *** on me from a great height again as I now have to cope with the prospect of loosing my dad and I just don't feel like I can cope without him.

My dads just turned 50 he's been diagnosed with lung cancer (small cell lung cancer) it's also in his lymph nodes his spine and liver. And I just don't feel like I can go through this again I no that makes me sound selfish but experiencing this before and knowing what's around the corner I can feel anxiety and depression creeping in I'm finding it difficult to even get out of bed. Everyone keeps telling me to stay strong and enjoy the time I have now with him but I can't seem to stop my mind straying to what's to come.life is so unfair! I just feel cursed and that me and my family for some reason can't ever be happy and that I must not deserve happiness.

I'm so worried about my mum shes lost her son and now the prospect of loosing my dad and her being on her own and I just can't imagine my life without my dad he's my rock he's who I turn to for everything.