Dear Chutney

I am so sorry that you feel like you do.  It must be awful for you.  Do you have family and/or friends for support at all?  I know there's nothing I can say that will make any difference to the way you feel but please try to remember that this group, although I've only been a member for a couple of days, seems to have some very nice and understanding people in it who seem only too willing to chat and offer advice, for which I'm very grateful.

Battling Babe xx

Hi Chutney ..... I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down.  Its ironic how we all feel so differently isnt it - some going through a mountain of treatment to just be around a few months longer and some deciding to get it over with asap.

I have read your profile and it is apparent that your suicidal thoughts and depression were there before your cancer diagnosis. and I wonder if you have ever asked for medical help and/or counselling to assist you with this?  Being in a difficult relationship wont help, and maybe you need to iron out a few issues there too.

I hope you try to source some help with your depression and find the strength to cope with your disease in whatever way you choose.  As BB says, come to the forum whenever needed for support x

Hi Chutney,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling depressed. It isn't surprising given the prognosis you have, combined with a history of depression. The situation we find ourselves in a bl**dy depressing at the best of times. 

You really need to get some good professional advice, as it seems probable that the depression is affecting your ability to make informed choices. If you're not already on anti-depressives please talk to your GP about how you're feeling and if the GP thinks they are appropriate give them a try. They won't make your problems go away, but they might take the edge of the worry and anguish.

I am in a similar position to you and I was a pain in the *** demanding that they started my chemo as soon as possible. In my view it wasn't a last resort but my first and only line of defence - surgery and radiotherapy had been ruled out. There's nothing else except prayer (I'm an atheist, so you can see my issues with that approach) or finding a herbal miracle cure (I'm a skeptic who thinks everything from green tea or brown seaweed from Pacific Islands to cannabis oil is a money making scam, so you can see my issues with that approach too).

I understand and I share your mental anguish about having a terminal prognosis, you know as well as I do that you need to find a way through this. There is a lot of scope for meaningful living, but you need to break free of the worst of your depression if you ever going to put some meaning back into your life.

Good luck - please keep posting and chatting
Dave
X  

Hello chutney,

I see you have had the warmest of welcomes from our members and that they have given you some truly excellent advice.

If you feel things are getting too much for you, perhaps you could also give Samaritans a call? You can find their website here and you can talk to them 24 hours a day. If you want to talk about your treatment options, I would also strongly recommend you give our expert nurses a call on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. It's a free number and they will be able to guide you and answer all your questions.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thanks everyone for the supportive replies.

I'm on meds for the depression, the third type since I was diagnosed in 2013, but they have little or no effect. I know meds don't work for everyone, so I guess I'm in that minority.

I won't burden you with more details of my existence.

All the best.

Hi chutney,

I just wanted to say you are definitely not burdening us - and you know what they say, that a problem shared is a problem halved. Our friendly community is here for you at any time and your experience can also be useful to others here who may find themselves in the same boat as you.

So a very big welcome and I hope you will enjoy using this forum!

Lucie

Hi chutney.

Just wanted to respond to your heartfelt post. Please do not think you are burdening the forum - this is just the place to chat and you already have found people who are listening to you.  I respond on two levels -

my Mum (non  cancer but a life-long depressive from age 24 - now (89)  and who has over the years tried many different medications and would have highs and lows which she could never explain to us yet somehow she dealt with my Dad's terminal diagnosis because she said he needed her to!)  She is now in care due to physical frailty and the depression is being monitored again.

My husband had never been depressed until terminal diagnosis forced him to give up the job he loved and he found that really hard to cope with.Probably harder than the diagnosis itself. He was prescribed medication (altered a couple of times) but, like you say, not sure if it helped as he saw it as just popping another pill.  Having said that who knows how much worse he would have been without the meds. His oncologist was on the ball and referred him to counselling which is another option you may wish to look towards.

Please come and chat here, if you would like to, as there will definitely be others who can relate to your feelings of helplessness just now and its good to share experiences. Sorry for rambling.Jules54

dear chutney so so sorry, i know what you must be going through i lost my mum last december to ovarian cancer which we did not know she had, she was already in remmsion for early stage breast cancer since 2011, but it seems early treatment does not stop cancer from coming back, mum only lasted three weeks in hospital before she passed, mum said she did not want chemo, because she did not want to lose her hair but in the end she could not have any treatment because the cancer had already spread upwards to her neck, just try and get some support, take care oggi