Hi Ian

Absolutely no idea, certainly was not the clothes (in those days flares and t-shirt ). He was about six, on holiday with his Dad (who, like us, was laughing his head off). Funny though, hubby had flown small planes as a teenager in the ATC. Would have loved to have got into RAF but failed on eyesight requirements in those days so moved on to an apprenticeship in engineering and that has been his career path ever since (still working part time as consultant and going into the workplace as and when possible).  The love of planes has always stayed with him and tomorrow he is going to RAF Hendon with our daughter and grandson as school holiday outing. With our daughter expecting second baby in mid October it will be a slow amble but our grandson is very excited and its not far to travel so hoping they make good memories.

Have a peaceful day.  If it stays fine I will try and find the energy to mow the lawn -last week's rain means I have some long tufts that need sorting!!!  Jules x

Hi Jules

Hope they have a great day out .....Lawn ....Mmm ... yes mine has gone two weeks and I'm leaving it to next!!

Ian x

Hi All,

It's been seven months since my lose and I look back on those months now with some degree of pride that my little family unit has survived them and are moving forward.  Moreover, there have been more than 2,600 hits on my wife's "Thoughts on the Dying Process" (press 'view and read' on first entry to this thread) which is where this all started for me.  She would be have been so happy that her experience has helped others.  I just hope those who can benefit from her words continue to read them.

I do think the next five months are going to be difficult though as the anniversary of so many events come around!

Love to you all

Ian

Hi Ian

Hope your weekend is a peaceful one.  Just wanted to say that Debbie's 'writings' will,  I am sure. remain as an inspiration to many 'old' as well as 'new' readers.  When they first appeared on the forum I saved them to my computer and visit from time to time - very often when I need to remind myself to make the most of what I have at present.

Spent yesterday with our son and girlfriend (they threw a family BBQ for my birthday), daughter and family and hubby's sister too. Amazingly we were in the garden until the first shower (BBQ lunch already done and dusted) at 2.30 so made the most of it.  The menfolk also went to the local garden centre which has an aquatics area as our son has finished building his pond and they came back with big bags of compost to fill in the surround and 5 fishes much to my grandson's amusement when he helped to 'unpack' them!!

Look after yourself.  Jules xxx

Hi Jules,

Thanks for the thoughts.  Sounds as if you are doing well in 'carrying on' the best you can: which at the end of the day is all we can really do anyway.  I spent Friday night staying over with my son in his new flat in Fulham and meeting some new house mates of his.  He starts work in Richmond in the fall and has moved to London while letting their house out in Reading.  So that was nice.  I then drove back yesterday, cut my lawn between showers and food shopped in the evening.  Today I have searched my daughter's stable/ store and found a tent my son is coming down today to collect and then cut her lawn between amuzing her dogs and mine!!  No sign of her!! I think she had a late night with friends... so more hectic than peaceful but home now for a shower and rest.

Kind thoughts

Ian x

Hello Haff1 I do read your threads from time to time and think you are doing well But like you I just put on a brave face Today I feel awful I miss my Tony so much as you know I lost him on Feb 5th this year and thought maybe the pain would be less but no I dont seem to think of anything but his terrible illness his bravery and possitive attitude throughout ,happy times and I know there were loads as we were married for 40 years have 5 children a dog and a cat but painfull memories keep coming in, do you feel like this ..Its lovely weather here in Cornwall today and 22 degsI did go to the beach with Rusty first thing he enjoyed that but you see we did this together Tony and I im sorry to be misserable knowing you must be sad too but hope you understand...Please take care ....Susananne

Hi Susanne,

I know just how you feel .... nothing, absolutely nothing can take away the underlying pain of the loss ...nothing.  I am beginning to find ways of living more comfortably with it, and moving on into this uninvited future where I find myself a traveller in a world without the one person who gave true meaning to it for me.... but Susanne whether we like it or not we have no choice ... this is 'our time' albeit not as we had hoped or expected but we have a duty, I feel (for my Deb and your Tony) to be better people for what we have gone through with them and to be happy as they would have wanted us to be .... however hard and how ever many tears we shed in the process.....

Lots of kind thoughts

Ian x

.... or quoting/paraphrasing Colm Toibin, in The Master;

...the pain of living without her (him) is no more than a penalty paid for the priviledge of having known and loved her (him).

Very true!

Hi Ian

Lovely that you could spend time meeting up with your son at his new digs and hope his new position will bring him happiness and probably a new career path.  Sounds like you kept very busy over the weekend and I feel that is how we all 'cope' most of the time.  I find its when I sit and think that things tend to unravel and that may be why I spend a fair bit of time in the garden (when the weather allows) as losing myself in a book takes me 'out of reality' if that makes sense.  It is harder when the weather is poor as though housework needs doing its not exactly my favourite pasttime. Today I enjoyed a small shopping trip and spent some of my birthday money. This was after I had visited my Mum and tried to cheer her up as she is still very worried at how the care home fees are eating her savings.  As I gently tried to explain if she was still independent living (not viable with her current needs) her savings would still have to be used to pay bills.  Her body is pretty frail but though she has a bi-polar mental condition she is still pretty much on the ball re her finances and can still out-do me on mental maths!!!

Weather certainly great today and I expect your dog is getting you out for walkies!!!  Take care. Jules x

Hi Jules,

Thanks. Yes the weather helps and my dog among other things keeps me busy ... but it don't bring em back !... that's the underlying problem that one has to find strategies to cope with ... Im getting there but the black moments are always waiting round the corner ... to be embraced, and cried through, as part that process of living without ...

Lots of kind thoughts

Ian