Hi All,

All packed and and house sitter organised: off tommorow for two weeks away for the first time without my wife.  First week with kids and second with friends.  I think I need the break from the treading water bit and will let you know how it goes.

In the mean time I will be absent from the thread. I only hope any newcomers who can benefit from my wife's thoughts will press the 'view and read' on the first post of the thread.

Thank you all for your support to date xxx

Hi Ian

Just wanted to wish you a very relaxing break which I am sure both you and the kids really need.  Another first without Debbie and perhaps private family time for reflection. Wishing you well.Jules 

Hi All,

I have one day back between my trips.  The first trip to Egypt, with the kids, was excellent and made me realise:

Whilst I was very much aware that my lovely late wife was - when I am at home - all around me, if not with me, I have now come to realise that she is at all times within me.

I am now who I am because of what has happened and as a result she has made me who I am now and I am better for it.

More importantly, I am not leaving her behind, as I move on forward, but taking her with me; within me as part of me - and for me - this conceptualisation really helps me cope with my lose.

love to you all

Ian x

Hi Ian,

I don't remember if we have spoken before but I have been following your story since you joined. This latest post is so nice to read. I lost my mother seven years ago and I often tell people there are times when I say or do something and realize its exactly what my mother would have said or done and I can almost feel her either nodding approvingly or wagging her finger at me if I have done something she would not have approved of. I often feel she is still here watching over me.

So I do know exactly what you have written. Hope you enjoy the second trip, best wishes, Brian.

Thanks Brian, appreciate your thoughts

Ian

Hi Ian

It was a lovely post and I am so pleased that you had a lovely holiday with your kids as I am sure you all needed that time together to get your heads round your feelings.  Bet you are now busy re-packing for your next trip which once again hope you enjoy and that the weather is kind to you. Take care.Jules

Thanks Jules, will report back on my progress

Ian

..Back now from my second half of the holiday.  I drove back yesterday, me and the dog, from Ilse of Mull/Oban to the sussex coast in 10.5 hours.... good to be home.  The break was very good and I feel more able to accept things based on what I learnt on the first half of my hols in Egypt.  The hurt and tears are still there but there is a better sence of moving on - with Debbie as part of that.  If that makes any sence?

I hope you are all finding ways forward too

xxx

Hi Ian,

Good to read that you found both holidays somewhat therapeutic (probably in different ways) and am sure your children were a big part of that during the time in Egypt. You are making perfect sense to me and actually believe the hurt/tears are a very important part of the moving on period of grief.

That was a very long drive (no doubt with stops for refreshments/comfort breaks).  Years ago I visited Oban (pre kids and on a round Scotland trip) and my one main memory (apart from great hospitality and views) was a little lad who asked my husband over breakfast whether he flew Spitfires in the war (bear in mind hubby was about 28 at the time makes you wonder how old we must have looked!!).

Look after yourself and have a relaxing weekend. Best wishes. Jules x