...It has just dawned on me how sad it is that I am now growing older without my wife (Debbie) there to grow older with me ...

Hi Ian

Wish I could find words to comfort you in your sadness - your latest post brought tears to my eyes and I only know you virtually and sadly never knew Debbie. Take care of yourself. Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Sorry to make you sad.  It wasn't my intent, I was just sharing a thought...

Have a nice weekend.

Ian x

Hello Half 1 Im sorry you are feeling sad but as you know I miss my Tony so much I wake every morning  and thing oh god another day without my love ,and dont know how to get through the rest of my life without him I just dont know ,Im writing this in tears its so hard to bearDebbie and Tony were our lifes and we loved them so much so it wont be easy ,I talk to tony and say what am i to do but know he wouldnt want me to be hurting like this I suppose we must be strong and carry on hard as it is BIG hugs .....Susananne

No problem Ian. Better to share those thoughts (which you know are perfectly nornal but that does not really help does it?) and none of us can help our emotions. Sometimes they even take me by surprise.  I see the lovely Susananne has responded to your post and she will understand even more than I what it is you are going through.  Have just done the weeks shop to keep life normal - now that really is rather sad!!  Got back to find local cat had used my planter by the front door as a loo!! (probably too hard in the ground for burying it!!) Thanks what we get for giving a cuddle now and then.  Hope you have a relaxing weekend. Hugs to you and that wonderful companion - dog.  Best wishes Jules xx

Hi Susananne,

I shed a few tears also in reading your reply.   It is difficult to accept but our lives - as they were - died with our partners: there is no going back however much we want it ~ and I want it!  Our worlds now are New Worlds as are our futures.  We take Debbie and Tony with us, as part of us (within us), but we need - albeit reluctantly - to cross the New World threshold, embrace our friends and support, and find new futures, new friends and relationships.

Lots of thoughts

Ian x

Thanks Jules,

Truth be known I think I am finding this site as much a form of self counselling as anything; and that is good.  The support you and others give in quietly listening and sharing back is so invaluable.

Thats why I'd stick to dogs (although I do have an old cat too).  Cats ..you just can't trust them!!

Lots of love

Ian x

Hi Haff1

Some weeks ago you were kind enough to reply to my thread and suggested I read Debbie's tips on recovering from surgery. I just wanted to say that I read the whole of Debbie's story and found it to be heartbreaking yet so inspirational.

You were right, Debbie's tips are going to prove invaluable as I approach and then recuperate from my surgery, so thank you for sharing the post.

I think I thanked you in another thread, but you were in between holidays and I wasn't sure if you'd spotted it. Glad you had good hols, by the way.

I follow your posts and it saddens me to read about how you're feeling, but I'm glad that you have your regular,  virtual friends who always seem to know the right thing to say.

Take care, Meerkat x

Morning Ian

Can really relate to the self-counselling remark.  I think thats a huge part of how this forum really works and I know I would prefer to 'use' this virtual format rather than sitting alone letting my thoughts totally engulf me at times. ' A problem shared is a problem halved' seems so real on here.  I managed a few hours lazing with a book in the garden yesterday (told myself that as it was going to rain today I might as well leave the chores!!)  We had a surprise visit from our son and girlfriend plus their Westie for an hour which brightened the day though I still struggled with lack of sleep last night (beginning to wonder if the low fat diet I have been put on to try and lower cholesterol level is to blame).  The only decent zzzzzzzzzz's I seem to get is when I fall asleep in front on the tv (annoyingly when I am usually enjoying a programme I want to watch).

Look after yourself.  Jules xx

Hi Meerkat,

Thank you so much for your post.  I am so glad you found Debbies words and advice helpful: that was what she had so hoped.  Her tips on recuperating after major cancer surgery were written at a time when we were still hopeful she'd survive it all - she loved life and was forever optimistic and I have subsequently learnt so much from her!  I do hope your surgery goes well and you keep us posted.

Lots of love

Ian x